I dont know what to do....

id012

we are having a small wedding, just immidete family and our best friends, so like 20 people. 

Well i "heard" yesterday that there is a surprise shower being thrown in my honor, which is SOOO NICE and wonderful, BUT they people throwing it invited  people not invited to the wedding, like aunts/cousins/etc. People that im close to but arent invited to the wedding. I dont know what to do. The invites already went out. And techenically i dont know about the shower. Im worried that ill look so gift grabby etc. Im so gratefully people are thinking of me and i feel like this is going to shead a bad light on me!!

i2012do

Can you talk to your mom about this? And maybe she can talk to the person throwing the shower.
Sometimes, when people are having a small wedding- they still have showers that include other relatives and close family and friends-- just because these people DO want to still celebrate with you, and they understand.

libby2483

Honestly, I would probably not say anything. The shower is supposed to be a surprise, AND invitations have already gone out. So, I think that saying something at this point might just create problems because nothing can really be done. Besides, it won't reflect badly on you because it is a surprise shower, so guests will know you didn't make the guest list. I would especially not worry about it if the people invited to the shower know they aren't invited to the wedding and still want to come help you celebrate. So, while it isn't an ideal situation, I don't think speaking up now will fix anything. Just act surprised and thankful at the shower and try to enjoy the day.

id012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_i-dont-know-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:aa493c78-9ef5-4c36-8ba1-1492757e5586Post:70dbe4ed-4b72-43f6-9d2b-9d584aa641c5">Re:I dont know what to do....</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I would probably not say anything. The shower is supposed to be a surprise, AND invitations have already gone out. So, I think that saying something at this point might just create problems because nothing can really be done. Besides, it won't reflect badly on you because it is a surprise shower, so guests will know you didn't make the guest list. I would especially not worry about it if the people invited to the shower know they aren't invited to the wedding and still want to come help you celebrate. So, while it isn't an ideal situation, I don't think speaking up now will fix anything. Just act surprised and thankful at the shower and try to enjoy the day.
Posted by libby2483[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>yeah i feel like i cant say anything, and i am so greatful that people are thinking of me etc. dont get me wrong i just feel a little werid about the shower. </div><div>BUT i will just act surprised</div><div>Thank you!

</div>

spazticrexe

I agree with PP, act surprised!

Just make sure you've got a couple lines handy about how you can't accomodate everyone and that it's just immediate family and close friends. Hopefully this doesnt' apply to your family, but some people will take any opportunity to corner you.

lb1212

I think it's ok.  You're having a smaller wedding and most people will understand.  Especially if most of the shower guests are family!  I think you're allowed to bend etiquette rules a little with family.
If someone does get their feelings hurt, the fact that this is/was a surprise shower will cover you - but most likely they wouldn't show up to the shower if they were upset about it.

rungirl12

It's on the shoulders of the host to make sure the "correct" people are invited to the shower, so whoever is planning it should be aware of the guest list and beyond making sure that is known to them, you can't really do much.  There is a good chance that your family WANTS to do this for you and share this day with you since they won't share in the actual day.

My co-workers are planning a shower and I feel a tad awkward about it because I am only inviting two of them.  I don't anticipate anyone else thinks they will be invited and it's clear why the two I have invited are (I work much closer with them on a daily basis), so I'm listening to my FI and just accepting they WANT to do this for me.