Demoting MOH????

sammo2006

My MOH has not been helpfull at all!!! we are 3 months away from the wedding and she hasnt even gotten her dress. I never hear from her and she isnt helping plan anything. Would it be totally wron gto Demot her to a briddesmaid and premote my BM that has been super helpful to MOH?? I dont want to hurt her feelings but shes causing me WAY to much stress for a MOH.

HELP!!

mtbentley

Just to make sure I understood correctly, you are thinking about having the BM and MOH switch titles? 

There would be no nice way to demote her, MOH is not supposed to be the person who helps the most, it is the person who you are closest to. If you tell her you don't want her as your MOH anymore because she isn't doing enough it could do some serious damage to your friendship. It would be like saying "you're my best friend, but only when you do things for me." 

What is she doing to cause you so much stress? Is there something more than just not helping enough?  

Eyejewel

You can get flamed for that statement on here. Just warning you. My wedding is also in 3 months and my MOH has caused me much grieve and not really helped out but the part that bothers me is the not really talking to me much. My background is I had a tough time choosing my MOH between two people. I have not demoted as i totally dont want to destroy what is left of the friendship. My MOH just started calling/text yesterday and she is working crazy hours (like myself) so im cutting her a little slack. 

My advice to you is with the dress give her a deadline on it and if she doesnt make the deadline then she took herself out.  Unfortunately, the fun times that you may have envised having her "doing wedding stuff" with you may not be a reality. be glad that you have someone that does want to be involved. Some have to do most by themselves or FI.

KTina&BJ

Im sorry your stressed over not getting the help you hoped for but be greatful for the help you are getting. My MOH and bridemaids have helped with nothing and that ok I wouldnt think about demoting anyone since its not a requirement for them to help, just a nice thing to do. By demoting her you might loose a good friend so think long and hard about it first.

And like previous person said be careful which boreds you post this on since people will not take kindly to this. Good luck.

Bluegummiebears101108

I wouldn't demote her, but would do somehting a little special for your BM that is helping out a lot. Maybe take her out for lunch or somehting to say thank you. I agree most people on these boreds like to take things WAY over board when all your doing is asking for advice.  Good Luck!

[Deleted User]

What bluegummiebears said.  ^^^

libby2483

Like PPs said, give her a deadline that her dress needs to be ordered by.  If she doesn't order the dress by that deadline, she has removed herself.  Although it is always nice when BMs are able to help with wedding things, their only real obligation is to get a dress and stand up with you on your wedding day.  I think that "switching" these two girls could cause a lot of drama, and potentially ruin friendships.  And I think it would make things quite awkward on your wedding day.

rungirl12

I agree that if she doesn't have a dress for your wedding come the day, she has removed herself from the wedding.  The bridesmaid that is really helping you out - I would get her an extra gift whether it's something she wants, or taking her out or whatever.  Is your helpful bridesmaid married?  You could make her the matron of honor.  Otherwise I would just tell her in private that you appreciate all her help and that you wish you would have chosen her (without badmouthing your actual MOH).

Don't demote your MOH unless you're ok losing her as a friend 100%.