Fusterated!

msLucyLou731

I hope this is just pre wedding jitters...

So a few short weeks ago, I lost the only man in my life that ever truly felt like he was a father, my grandpa.  I was so heart broken and lost that I put the wedding plans on hold and was determined not to talk about it. 

Now I am here on the knot and realize that in 156 days, I will be walking down the isle.  I still very muc love my fiance and still very muc want to marry him, but I am finding myself second guessing my upcomming nuptuials.

I know what I want and expect, and frankly at the end of the day I could care less what my guest truly thought of the wedding decore, as long as I have my new husband.  However, I feel that my plans are so all over the place that nothing is comming together.

Does anyone have any advicce on how I can get my head back on straight, and how I can avoid second guessing my flowers, venue, and other wedding thoughts?

rungirl12

I'm not sure if this will be much help, but remind yourself that 95% of guests will not remember ANY of the details a week later.  So to "waste" time on the perfect flowers, table cards, invitations, and other insignificant details is only a stress to yourself.  As long as you have your wedding ceremony & feed your guests if this occurs near a meal time, I think you're set. 

Just think back to weddings you attended as a guest and see if you can remember things like centerpieces, invitations, chair covers, etc.  I couldn't and so I'm not putting much time, thought or effort into those things.  It's unfortunate that it takes such a tragic event to show how trivial wedding details are, but at least you recognize what is important in life (your husband, mourning your grandpa, and NOT the details of a party that is one day).

Take the time you need to grieve.  Nothing is going to matter in the next 1-2 months if you set it aside and don't attend to it.  Take a break & remember that it's a celebration, not an event to stress over.  Hang in there

jjolovich

Agreed! The only one that will remember it will be your fi and you. I am sorry for your loss. But just remember that by the end of the day it will be you and your at that point H. Just take your time...and BREATH!

Sunshine811

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this! Sending a virtual hug your way!

I found myself hating wedding planning over the last few months, so I can feel your pain there, though I didn't go through any tragedy, so I can't completely emphasize. I think the PP are correct in saying not to focus so much on all the details. I also think its important to remember the only people you should truely be worrying about is you and fi. Its all about you. When I get really out of it with wedding planning, I just remember that my dream is finally coming true, and I get to have my husband, it makes me feel better.

Some other suggestions might be to hire a wedding planner (if its in your budget of course). This takes a lot of the stress off of you so you can focus on being married. THough I couldn't afford it, if I did I totally would have done it. Also, consider scaling back to those family members and friends that are closest to you for a more intimate setting which might make it feel like your trying to impress less people.

I also highly suggest talking to your fi about your feelings, and maybe going to talk to a grief counselor if your comfortable with that. Sometimes, talking can be the best medicine. Bottom line, remember this is about you and you fi commiting yourselves together for life. Your experiencing hardship before your marriage, but your love can get you through and it will be worth it when he is your husband.

Hope this helps!

rojacobs

I am so sorry for your loss.  Have you thought about doing anything at your wedding to honor your grandpa?  That might help you feel better.  I am thinking of having a candle and picture of family members that have passed at our guest book table. 

Lately I have been second guessing the cost of my wedding, how the guest list has gotten out of control, and the advice my parents gave me from the beginning to just take the $$ and elope.  Unfortunately STDs have already gone out or else I think I would slash the guest list in half!  Some things that we have cut out of the wedding are favors, programs, and escort cards, just to save me some time and stress.  Maybe there are some things that will feel good for you to cut out too.

I feel strongly that when your wedding day comes, and it's you and your FI, you will be blissfully happy and content, and will have a great time!  It's just getting to that day can be bumpy...

Sunshine811

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_fusterated?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:ad77dc02-f3f1-4b25-b02e-2f3eb8fb55a3Post:004ad944-ac99-47d7-8c41-2895a90ac7f0">Re: Fusterated!</a>:
[QUOTE]the advice my parents gave me from the beginning to just take the $$ and elope.  [/QUOTE]

This times 100! I've been saying that for over a month!

saraschilling88

I am so sorry for your loss, I'm going through a struggle with grief right now too.. I know how trivial some of the details can seem, so I'm trying to make things as easy as possible (especially on my FI who has been basically emotionally supporting me for the last couple weeks, and while it isn't easy for him he has been amazing)...

One thing I will suggest (that I've been trying to do as well) is taking at least 30 minutes a day to just do something for myself to help me relax.. Today it was sharing a trip to DQ with FI to get blizzards  

I'm sending you a hug and lots of thoughts & prayers as I know how difficult it is to lose someone close to you!!  Good luck, and just keep breathing!!  Maybe consider putting something special in your bouquet, or have flowers on the altar (if you're doing a church wedding) in honor/memory of family and friends who cannot be with you that day.. That is what I'm doing, flowers are in memory of those family and friends who cannot be with us today.