FSS drama......(vent kinda long...)

jjolovich

So, my fi's son lives in New York with his mom. Fi wants him to be a groomsmen in the wedding and I was thrilled about that, then I could finally meet him. Until now... this boy is a walking hormone(he is 16) he can't make up his mind on a gf, they change monthly if not weekly. My issue is he can't make up his mind, his step dad is in the military and when he was deployed, FSS couldn't wait to move out here and stay with us. Because he didn't want to live with his mom anymore.

When his step dad got back, he called fi and told him he didn't want to move out here anymore, but still come out for the summer. Fi asked why and he said it was because of school and didn't want to leave, Fi and I both know better, because he couldn't come out last summer because he had to be in summer school, cause he kept thinking with the wrong head. So fi asked what happened, and his step dad bought him a truck and they were going to do all of this stuff to it, to turn it into a hunting truck. Fi was pretty upset, but asked if he was still coming out for the wedding and he said yes, but he would fly back the end of the summer.

We told him to let us know what dates so we can book the plane ticket before they get to  expensive, this was back in February. He deleted both his dad and I off of Facebook(this hasn't been the first time)  We have yet to hear from him, and ticket prices are skyrocketing...this kid doesn't take anyone elses feelings into consideration. Its all about who can buy my love more. And he acts like Fi isn't his real dad, his mom has brain washed him into calling Fi his Father and step dad, dad....

I know this is stupid, and I have talked to Fi about it, he told me i will not deny him seeing his son, and I said I understand, but when the kid isn't helping us by any means and acts like he doesn't even want to come out here, why waste the money on a plane ticket in the first place...I am by no means denying him to see his son, he hasn't seen him for 4 years?!?! And he gets the same story every summer, of wanting to move out here and be with his dad and then a couple months before he changes his mind.

CN: Fi's son is making buying a plane ticket super hard, and I dont want to waste the money if he acts like he doesn't want to come out in the first place.

odustudent22

YIkes....is there any way your F can talk to his son's mother....and make the date arrangments with HER and have it settled that way.  The son is still only 16 and a minor, so mom could simply say...these are the days you WILL be going to see your father.....I know know if she would be much help (my future step children live 10 minutes from their mother and don't speak to her but once every few months)

jjolovich

well the whole thing started out a mess anyways....when SS was younger he did live with his dad full time, well at 12 he decided that he wanted to live with his mom, and his mom took that as his final choice and ran with it...its just a huge mess, and I know his mom wont be any help, because word got around that when we flew him out here(before he changed his mind) he wouldn't return on the flight back and just stay with us. His step dad told him if he did that he would find a way to come to wyoming(from where he was deployed) and take him back to New York....

I just don't get these parents that threaten there way into there childrens lives, and then buy there love on top of it.....

saraschilling88

His stepdad threatened to come take him HOME?!?!  That is just uncalled for!!  I would just try a diplomatic approach with the son/mom/stepdad to try and figure things out.. It can be difficult with ex's, but I truly hope everything works out for you!!! *HUGS*

jjolovich

I know right!! His son couldn't wait to get out here then his step dad bought him the truck and that was that. Neither of his parents want him to come out here, so I have a feeling the bridesmaid I had paired with him will be walking solo....Why do parents have to be so immature and use kids as pawns......GRRRR

mtbentley

I'm so sorry your FI has to go through this, it must be very hard for him to have his son so far away, especially when the mom and stepdad are trying to make things so difficult. I don't know if there is really much you can do besides having FI keep trying to contact his son to let him know how important it is to his father that he be there for the wedding, even if he isn't able to come for the summer. I wouldn't make too big a deal about the plane ticket, even if he decides at the last minute to come just go with it and get the ticket. I bet having his son there is more important to your FI than saving the extra money. 

Good luck, I hope it all works out.

LibbyC730

I would go ahead and buy the ticket.  The son may not sound like he wants to come out, but if there's a plane ticket he will know his presence is wanted.  I worry if a plane ticket isn't purchased, he may take it as a sign that he should just stay home.

odustudent22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_fss-dramavent-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:cd61ef39-d798-40a5-9316-d0837dfec175Post:5dc7107c-7832-42cd-af19-1d6d6ed9ee25">Re: FSS drama......(vent kinda long...)</a>:
[QUOTE]I would go ahead and buy the ticket.  The son may not sound like he wants to come out, but if there's a plane ticket he will know his presence is wanted.  I worry if a plane ticket isn't purchased, he may take it as a sign that he should just stay home.
Posted by LibbyC730[/QUOTE]

agreed....maybe don't let on he has a choice.  "we bought the ticket for this date, you need to be at the airport at this time."  Maybe include the return trip information so the mom/step dad don't freak out. 

jjolovich

Fi and I talked last night and it sounds like fi is giving up on him coming out here...he doesn't want to pay for the ticket and have it go to waste, he has a feeling his parents wouldn't let him come anyways...