Bridal Nite out - MAJOR FAIL = I CANT STOP CRYING(LONG)

[Deleted User]

I'm from Detroit but I live in Clearwater ( 2yrs now) - so my whole family is in Michigan... So i have 3 bridesmaids and 2 are here in Clearwater ( 1 is a co-worker and the other is my FI Niece) -- So last night was my bridal night out - and how it was explained to me that is was suppose to be a bridal shower and bachlorette party - so thats what i was expecting.... MAJOR F'ING FAIL!!

1. THE BRIDESMAID THAT WAS HOSTING (MY CO-WORKER) TOLD ME IN APRIL ABOUT THE DATE - SO ITS BEEN ON MY CALENDER... I GAVE HER A LIST OF PEOPLE TO INVITE AND EVEN MY SIZES FOR GIFTS....

2. ANOTHER FRIEND OF OURS FUTURE SISTER IN LAW - WAS HAVING A PARTY THE SAME NIGHT - SO LET'S COMBINE THEM - WHICH WAS FINE WITH ME BECAUSE ALL OF MY FRIENDS LIVE IN DETROT...   (KEEP 1 AND 2 IN MIND) 

SO - I SCHEDULE MY HAIR AND MAKE UP TRIAL THE SAME DAY AS MY PARTY - SO I'LL LOOK GOOD - AND I GOT A COCKTAIL PARTY DRESS AND HEELS - THE WHOLE 9 ! 
( I normally DONT WEAR HEELS DUE TO BAD ANKLE PAIN)....

THE EVENING STARTS AT 10PM ( WTF - REALLY) - SO MY COWORKER/BRIDESMAID PICKS ME UP.... WE GO TO THIS VERY UPSCALE CLUB AND I THINK GREAT! --- NOT! 

WE GET THERE AND THE OTHER BRIDE AND HER FRIENDS ARE ALREADY THERE ON THE DANCE FLOOR - SHE IS COVERED IN ALL THE BACHOLETTE NOVELTY SUFF - A VEIL- A SHOT GLASS W/PENIS TIDE AROUND HER NECK - A FLASHING SASH; SERIOUSLY THIS IS A VERY VERY VERY UPSCALE CLUB DOWNTOWN.... SHE LOOKED A MESS.... SO SHE TRIES TO GIVE ME A FLASHING PENIS NECKLACE TOO -- I LAUGHED IT OFF AND PUT IT IN MY CLUCH... I CAN NOW TELL THAT I HAVE BE GREATLY MIS-LEAD ( BRIDAL SHOWER THIS IS NOT) -- SO I ASK MY BM WHERE IS EVERYONE ELSE AT -- SO THEN TELLS ME THAT I TOLD THEM ABOUT IT ON THURSDAY! WTF DO YOU MEAN THURSDAY - YOU TOLD ME ABOUT IT IN APRIL!!! SO NOW I KNOW THAT NO ONE ELSE IS COMING! { IF THIS WOULD OF BEEN A DATE I WOULD OF MADE Him TAKE ME HOME!!!}  

SO BY THIS TIME I'M PISSED AND ON THE VERGUE OF TEARS SO I ASK " WHICH TABLE IS OURS" THESE LAME CHICKS LOOK AT ME LIKE IM SLOW AND SAY " OH WE DIDNT GET A TABLE"  

I GET NOT GETTING BOTTLE TABLE SERVICE --- BUT YOU DUMMYS DIDNT RESERVE A REGULAR TABLE!  I PROCEED TO THE BAR - WHICH WAS STANDING ONLY -- AND I ORDER THE STRONGEST DRINK - TANQUREAY DOUBLE.....      

SO NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT I HAD NO FUN AT ALL AND THE WHOLE NITE I KEPT DRINKING ( I BOUGHT MY OWN CAUSE NO ONE OFFERED TO BUY) TO KEEP FROM CRYING - WHEN I GOT HOME AT 130AM ( LAME AS HELL) I CALLED MY BESTFRIEND IN DETROIT AND I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP.... 

REMEBER THAT THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A SHOWER - S0 MY MOTHER, SISTER AND BESTFRIEND SHIPPED ME NIGHTTIES FROM MICHIGAN...... 

I'M SUPER LET DOWN - THE BALL WAS NOT ONLY DROPPED BUT RAN OVER TOO - I DONT WHAT TO SAY TO MY BM ( BOTH OF THEM WHO ARE IN FL) BECAUSE THAT WAS SOME BULL-ISH....   WERE SPENDING OVER 11K ON THIS WEDDING AND NOW I'M ADDING THE 30.00 IN DRINKS TO MY WEDDING SPREADSHEET TO...  I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS PARTY - BUT I COULD OF HAD A V8! 

SO WHAT DO I DO/SAY TO MY FL BRIDAL PARTY??? 

jmp2004

Sorry that things didn't go as planned, but next time, please don't type in ALL CAPS.  Rather difficult to read.  I'm not really sure what you should, if you should say anything.  I probably wouldn't, but I'm rather passive.

[Deleted User]

sorry - i'm so used to typing that way for work\

I told my michigan peeps about it and they were pissed -- so they're gonna give me a tru party the thursday before when they get here! So we shall see..... 

Ballet513

This was sort of confusing. Anyway, sorry you're bummed but nobody is required to throw you a party/buy you presents/pay for your night out.

[Deleted User]

Its not about being "required" - and if you refer to a proper etiquette book its in there... 

Its about the fact she offered to host a bridal shower/nite out and everything that the event was suppose to be about it was not .....  

[Deleted User]

balle513 - did you have a shower or party?

Ballet513

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_bridal-nite-out-major-fail-i-cant-stop-cryinglong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:e2b407dd-9148-4e90-9c88-85860f4e0e6ePost:cdf242eb-93a1-4913-8da1-ada5e5b31df5">Re: Bridal Nite out - MAJOR FAIL = I CANT STOP CRYING(LONG)</a>:
[QUOTE]balle513 - did you have a shower or party?
Posted by aishaameena[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, I had both.</div>

Misskin

Sorry hun...I understand where you are coming from. If someone is going to trhow you a shower/bachorlette party it should be done the right way all the way. I can't stand when someone half A**es something. If you want to bring it up, I would just politely let them know you were let down at how poorly it was organized. Don't dwell on it because its over now, but, I would let them know how you feel. Hopefully your next party will be everything you wanted it to be. Keep us posted.

ChristineNB

Do you think the girl hosting did not understand what you expected?  I'll be honest, I have never heard of someone having a "bridal night out" before, and I would have assumed you just wanted a bachelorette party. 

Also, just because it's your party, you should not assume people are going to buy your drinks or give you gifts.  I am having a bachelorette party in a few weeks and I don't expect anyone to pick up my tab.  I am excited enough that all my friends are able to come out, why should I expect them to pay for me.

mms2012

Yeah that did suck.  Your BM shouldn't have stated that it was a bridal shower and bachlorette party.  I would have just told you that I was taking you for a night around the town. 
But are any of your girls married? engaged?  ever been to a bridal shower or bachlorette party?  I only ask that because maybe they do not know what happens at a bridal shower etc.
Maybe they thought that all of you girls going out together would have been enough? 

Either way, what happened last night is in the past.  Pick up your wedding to do list... and get back to working on your wedding. 

Oh and if I were you, I wouldn't say anything to them about it.  But thats just the kind of person I am.

elhoekenga

Don't let this ruin your mood, who cares at the end of it all anyway? Life is too short to get upset, and the most important thing in all of this is you still get to marry your fiancé. If everything between now and your wedding ends up not living up to your expectations then what will it matter? You get to marry your man, and it will be the happiest day of your life. Not trying to sound insensitive, but seriously.....don't let this get to you. Life is way too short, and getting upset over a party not even required of your maids to throw you is kind of petty. Be happy :-) Wish you the best girl -

libby2483

It sounds like your coworker didn't take the time to plan you the party she said she would, and then wanted combine parties so she wouldn't have to do any work. It would definitely be very hurtful to have someone say she was throwing you a party, and then not follow through in the way you thought. One word of caution, though, is to not put too much stock into what bridal guides say is required for a BM. These books are created by the wedding industry, which wants your money. Etiquette wise, no BM has to throw you a party or do anything except show up for the wedding in the dress you chose. I agree that it would be very disappointing that this BM didn't follow through on what she said she would do. Hopefully your party in Michigan is more fun!

cshuler

Sorry that they did not come through for you, but maybe your friends from Michigan will make sure you have a good time. 

dawnp917

It's disappointing that the night didn't turn out like you wanted but I wouldn't say anything to your BM about it.   What's done is done.  Saying something isn't going to change anything. 

Pre-wedding parties are not required.   If somebody offers to throw one for you great if not then so be it.  Did these BM offer to throw the party for you or did you ask them to?   It sounds like you had certain expectations of gifts and free drinks - even if a party is thrown for you it doesn't mean you will get gifts and free booze all night.  

[Deleted User]

Let's make sure that i am explaining this correctly so you all get what i'm talking about...

1. In April my Bridesmaid (who is my coworker) offered to host a Bridal Shower for me and told me that it was also going to a "naughty nite out" too  - She asked me for a list of people to invite and what my sizes were ( for personal gifts - sleepwear,bra's and panties) and to create a personal registry...So that's what I did...

2. From April to Now - she was keeping me updated.... she said that got strippers, and book a VENUE - but didnt give me much details because she wanted me to be "surprised"...

3. She had been in talks with my mother,sister and MOH who are all in Detroit - the last couple of weeks. She told them the same things about the Shower/Nite Out that she had told me... Thats why my Mom,Sis and MOH sent "Bridal Shower" gifts to my BM house since they wouldnt be able to make it to Clearwater..  and that was the only "surprise" that i got - i didnt think they were sending anything so that was gery nice..

4. I'm just confused as to why the ball was dropped... I gave her a list of people to invite in April and she didnt "tell" anyone until 2 days before the event - Come to find out she told my FI niece who is the other local BM on Saturday morning.... So no wonder no one came... 

You see why i was pissed - The one person there that knew was her and the mutual friend of ours... I didnt socialize with the other bride because her and all her friends were sloppy drunk...Not my thing...

5. If you throw someone a bridal shower or bachelorete party or any type of party- the guest of honor should never have to pay for anything... I bought my own drinks, and i had to pay to get into the club === Tacky as hell.... 

So now does my rant make a little more sense ladies????

 

[Deleted User]

So you mean to tell me that - your bridesmaid told you that she is giving you a bridal shower on a certain day - to plan accordingly - go registry and give me a guest list ---and on the day of MONTHS later and NOTHING THAT SHE SAID WAS GONNA HAPPEN - Happened..You wouldnt be UPSET??... 

AND No i'm am no ingratefull at all - MY FEELINGS ARE SUPER HURT. I'm starting to think that i should of gotten married in my home state were my family his and made all of his people travel - because this is not fun at all....

elhoekenga

To be honest I really wouldn't dwell on it and just remember that you still get to marry your best friend....again, no one is obligated to do ANYTHING for you when it comes to your wedding. This may be hard to realize but at the end of it all this is your wedding. It will be what you make of it regardless of anyone else around you. I have learned throughout life that 99% of the time people are just very unreliable. You are very lucky if you are able to meet one person who you can count on 100% of the time to be there for you, and always do what they say they are going to do. It's just a fact of life, maybe you haven't had enough experiences with that. Don't get your hopes too high because someone will always let you down. I am not saying all people are this way but chances are high they won't always follow through with what they say they are going to do. This is just something easier accepted than getting your feelings hurt over. Appreciate what you have and forget the rest. Again- life is too short to worry about the negatives.

[Deleted User]

I completely understand how upset you are - you only get one bachelorette party, and you want to be able to look back on it with happy memories.  It hurts to feel like other people aren't giving 100% to something that is REALLY important to you!  

To answer your question "What should I say to my BP"...I wouldn't say anything.  If you complain to some of your BM, word is going to get out to the other ones who planned the party, and people's feelings are going to get hurt.  It sounds like a HUGE misunderstanding, you wanted a bridal shower, and they tried to throw you a crazy bachelorette party (and failed)...

Also, just a thought, the reason you probably had to buy all your drinks was because no one knew you were a bachelorette!  If you were just standing at the bar by yourselft, they probably just assumed you were another guest at the party, since the other girl was covered with bach stuff, and you weren't...  I don't think it's greedy to assume your girlfriends would offer to buy you one drink (just like people do on your birthday), but after that, you're on your own.  (Whether that means you buy them yourself, or other people at the bar buy them because you're a bachelorette...)

Ballet513

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_bridal-nite-out-major-fail-i-cant-stop-cryinglong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:e2b407dd-9148-4e90-9c88-85860f4e0e6ePost:7ef38af0-f1b3-4c73-850f-6614e36c3236">Re: Bridal Nite out - MAJOR FAIL = I CANT STOP CRYING(LONG)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Nite out - MAJOR FAIL = I CANT STOP CRYING(LONG) : Honestly, no it does not make more sense. If anything it seems a touch ungreatful. I will agree the coordination seems poor, but this was something that was not required of anyone. I mean I am sorry you had a bad time, but your expectations seem high. Also, I don't think paying for one's self is "tacky as hell." I'm always more than willing or even happy to do it. Honestly, I don't think 30 dollars will make or break any of us brides this far into the game. We're here to listen to you vent, however, we're not always going to give you the validation that you're looking for.
Posted by mtishawt[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I 100% agree with this.

</div>

TheShadyYvonne

i wouldn't expect any one else to buy my drinks..regardless of what hte situation was...but... did i read correctly that this was in actuallity a bachelorette party for someone else that you dind't know? and that you dind't know that it was a joint bachelorette party?

that does seem random to me if that's the case. I would just move on though..and look forward to the wedding..and if your other friends that know you better do something..cool. if not.. that's still cool too.

Lena2317

 It does suck that she lead you to believe something else would happen.  Yes the party is not required but she offered, she gave you updates.. and then it didnt happen.. ( I do not consider it having "high expectations" if thats what you were told to expect).  I understand your feelings being hurt... Just dont stress it... Trust me there will be plenty more important things to stress about coming up:)  I hope your hometown friends cheer you up:) In the end the bridal shower, the bachelorette, even the wedding mean very little in the long term view of what YOU and YOUR FIANCE mean to each other.   Its about you two... making a commitment to each other... REGARDLESS of anyone or anything else around thats what you should look forward too.  Not the parties leading up to it.

I wouldnt bother saying anything..  You find out the good, bad, and ugly about people in this process.  The girl I would have titled my maid of honor dropped out the wedding a month ago.. so it happens... Its not about my wedding... Its about my MAN.... Head up girl..  Stay true to you.