August 2012 Weddings

wish I could uninvite a guest (mainly vent)

So I have a coworker who I became friends with when she first started . This was also around the times I needed to send invites out so I sent one to her and her husband. well in the last month I realized the type of person she actually is (someone I cant stand and dont want to be around) and I started wishing I didnt invite her. But I knew that I couldnt do that and figured that I wouldnt see her during the ceremony and she would have to leave early in the reception (we work in a bakery and have 3am start times) so having her there wouldnt be such a big deal. But today she walked out mid shift (went for her break and never came back) after an argument with our boss (and the "friend" was wrong). So she has been let go which means she would be able to stay the whole reception, plus she wont know anyone there but me and her husband so she will try to interact with me alot.

 Im comletely pissed about how she just walked out because she offered to do anything she can to help me out at work because Im working 27 days straight before my wedding (another coworker had to leave to japan for a family death so im covering her shifts), this may screw with my schedule since we are now down 2 coworkers for a week and then im supposesed to take time off which would leave them down 2 workers again. 

I really dont want anything to do with her anymore. And I was trying to just phase her out of my personal life but now I want her completely gone. Would it be so horrible of me to univite her. I know its against etiquette and will probably just let it be and just not talk to her up to and afterwards and hope she gets hints and fades out of my life. If any of you had guests you regreted invited how did you deal with them on the big day.

Pumpernickel and olive juice

Re: wish I could uninvite a guest (mainly vent)

  • Hello. I did not have this same thing happen, but I did have a "friend" whose also married to FI's friend. We had a very close relationship, until I realized she's a very toxic individual.  She's just extremely cynical about everything in general. I sort of faded her out of my life, but would be cordial whenever we were in a social situation. 

    During the last few get togethers, she would totally go out of her way to avoid me. It was nothing to me because honestly she's not my friend anymore. Anyway, we invited them because her husband is my fi's friend. She had sent the rsvp saying they were going, and after I submitted my final count and paid for them to go, he tells my fi that they won't be attending. This made me mad, because if it were up to me (I mentioned this to him before) they wouldn't have been invited in the first place. The positive- I know they won't be invited to anything else in the future as the boundaries have been laid down. FI noticed her going out of her way not to say hi after the rsvp was submitted, and even caught her giving me a few dirty looks at my best friends wedding and felt that he didn't want her negative energy at our wedding but felt like the damage was already done and we couldn't uninvite them. The negative- I paid $250 for ghosts (Money- we both agreed that's well spent). LOL.

    The way I see your situation is that she will realize that you will be busy with everyone else at the wedding, and you probably will not have that much time to spend with her anyway. Chuck it up as a lesson learned, and just think that yes it sucks, she screwed up the work situation and some people will be left to pick up her slack- but that's temporary. After that, you really have no reason to be around her again. =) Lots of luck with your wedding.

    8-26-12-1-1 8-26-12-2
  • I know it will make you look bad to her and anyone she speaks to, but if you honestly don't care what she says or thinks about you and never plan to be friends with her again in any circumstance, I don't see the harm in telling her that after how she behaved at work, you don't feel comfortable continuing a relationship and would prefer if she did not come to your wedding.



  • I agree with others - if you're ok with her never speaking to you again (which it seems you are), go ahead and ask her not to come.  However, I'd consider the type of person she is and the rumors she could try to spread and decide if it's worth it.

    I would imagine if she is attending your wedding with a significant other, she would spend most of her time talking to that person rather than you (but then again, that's common courtesy and she may not have that!)
  • I agree with PPs, while technically according to etiquette rules you should never uninvite someone, if you don't want to have anything to do with this person ever again then who cares--ditch her! Cite her behavior and leaving everyone in the lurch at work as one of the reasons you don't think you can have a friendship with her and tell her she is not welcome at your wedding.
    Married my love 8-25-12 TTC #1 since September 2012. BFP 2-2-13. photo 455d4bc3-3623-4c16-8dd1-1fbc7e99e147.jpg BabyFruit Ticker My BFP Chart
  • Thanks ladies, I feel better about my decision to uninvite her. Other than the people we worked with we know no one else in common so it doesnt really matter if she talks bad about me or not. On the plus side this would have been only the 2nd wedding they ever attended so maybe she wont realize this is completley rude and against ettiquitte (she does seem to lack common sense/courtesy) and even if she does I could care less right now.
    Pumpernickel and olive juice
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