Does this sound mean?

i2012do

one of my bm's has already expressed that she can't come to the rehearsal because she is working. I am kind of annoyed because you had two years notice,and she works 10- minutes away- she could take an early lunch. She said her husband (also in the wedding) also can't make it
THEN my other bm called me and said that she wasnt staying at the hotel the night before, because she has to cwork a closing shift at work.
This is fine cuz thats usually at 4 pm, but i think she totally didint even think about a rehearsal
at all because she mentioned that she was going to the beach that day?
So I drafted an email
i am kind of annoyed about my friend saying she is working because i mean, when you are in a wedidng you sign up to be at the events and the rehearsal is very important.

when my best friend got married last year it was on a friday w a 2 pm thus rehearsal no one complained to her, we just took the time off work and GOT there.

so this is what i wrote. i hope it isnt coming off rude or mean...

im sending this email to them today.

Hi everyone.

I will be sending out a formal invitation mid-July but I wanted to let you know the schedule for the rehearsal. The schedule is as follows:

Wedding rehearsal, 1:00 pm- location

Rehearsal Dinner, 2:00 PM- location

Please arrive on time, because there are two weddings following our rehearsal and we need to be finished with the Chapel at 2:00 pm. If everyone is prompt and ready, the rehearsal should only take about 20-30 minutes.

I am going to be arriving early around 10 am to go to the hotel, drop off my stuff, ask for early check in, empty out my car, have a final vendor meeting with my coordinator, etc... so I will be down there if any one needs a ride to the Chapel, has questions, etc.

tuarceatha

I doesn't sound mean per say, but it does sound a bit bossy.

Could you say, "We estimate needing the full hour to rehearse before the chapel's next event at 2:00pm."

We were told this by our wedding venue contact: "I suggest you tell your rehearsal participants to be there a ½ hour before you really want them there. I find that all rehearsals run late because they are "waiting" on someone.  Therefore, tell them 1/2 hour before the real time you want them to arrive.  When you all get there, you can hug, catch up, drop off the alcohol and party favors, etc - then begin the rehearsal on time."

i2012do

how's this line:

We estimate needing 30 minutes for the rehearsal and need to leave before the Chapel's next event at 2pm, so we ask that everyone arrive at 1:45 pm.

S6ix

Unless it is a really complicated ceremony, they might not need to rehearse. Bridesmaids usually walk, stand, sit, stand, walk... Not too tough. if one of them comes, she can cue the others on timing etc. I know you want them there, but having to work is a pretty legitimate reason not to come. Some of our groomsmen and bridesmaids might not make the rehearsal-I'm not worried. They have all been to/in lots of weddings! It will be fine.

i2012do

We need to have a rehearsal.
some people in the wedding party have never even been in a catholic church before let alone taken part in a ceremony. It's a requirment for me.
I just think if you have known about a wedding for two years, and agreed to be a part of the wedding party, you should assume the responsibilty of being involved.

i2012do

...but more over i am concerned about how to word this email to them to let them know whent o come, to get their early etcso that my friend planning on going to the beach remembers the rehearsal

rungirl12

I guess if I were asked to be in a wedding, I would assume I would be part of the rehearsal from the get go and need to be available, but that being said, I have never heard of a mid-day rehearsal.  I would be put-off by that and not want to use vacation time to attend.  I would have cleared my evening schedule, but never would think that it would occur during the day.

I don't think it's that big of a deal if a few people are missing at the rehearsal since the others in attendance can clue them into what is happening.  I already know one of my BM might have to work and I figure with 5 more, someone can clue her in.  It's not difficult to tell them what their role is the day of, especially if you & others have rehearsed.

I wouldn't worry about it so much - it's a bummer, but I don't know what else you can expect with a midday event during the week...

tuarceatha

Our rehearsal is at 1:30pm the day before (a Friday). Our venue has a wedding that same day and needs time to set up so we have to gone by 3pm.

Ajoyd

I think your second line sounds better (and I think you meant be there at 12:45?)

The first one does sound a bit like you're assuming they will be late/can't get themselves there on time, which may be the case but I don't think you want it to come off that way.

I think BMs should expect to participate in a rehearsal and I don't think it is too much to ask for them to be away from work for the afternoon. They are your closest friends and should be willing to use 1/2 to a full day of vacation to participate in your wedding activities.

kap617

I was actually fine with what your email said.  I guess it came out a little bossy, but I wasn't offended as I read it.  

I hope that everyone is able to make my rehearsal.  I am also having a Catholic mass and I know they are complicated!  I was in a friend's wedding a couple years ago, which had a Catholic mass, and I already forget all the instructions.  I do agree that the role is a little easier for bridesmaids... I'm more concerned about the readers.

kap617

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_does-this-sound-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:f5c99f26-5018-4a76-a01a-ed125de69ccdPost:64bc5506-5479-4728-8e5e-b53c870f7531">Re: Does this sound mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does this sound mean? : Also, I'm sorry you're annoyed with your friends, but the job of a BM is to get the dress and show up. Anything else is nice but shouldn't be required. Lot's of people have weddings without rehearsals and everything was fine.
Posted by mtishawt[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this to a point.  Sometimes, I think people expect WAY too much from their bridesmaids (help them dress shop, run errands, plan bridal showers and bachelorettes--I think these should all be optional and did not require this of any of my friends participating in the wedding).  I do, however, think that the rehearsal should be as mandatory as possible (obviously excusable if there are extenuating circumstances) because some ceremonies are more complicated than others.  And this is coming from the perspective of a bridesmaid--I've been a bridesmaid several times and always made attending the rehearsal a priority.</div><div>
</div><div>In the end, I agree with you--responsibilities are limited when you agree to be a bridesmaid, but I think you should be available on the wedding weekend if at all possible.</div><div>
</div><div>(edited to correct a couple of embarrassing spelling mistakes)</div>

i2012do

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_does-this-sound-mean?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:f5c99f26-5018-4a76-a01a-ed125de69ccdPost:1fed5b78-d9f6-4548-b2d8-b85216d1df65">Re: Does this sound mean?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Does this sound mean? : I agree with this to a point.  Sometimes, I think people expect WAY too much from their bridesmaids (help them dress shop, run errands, plan bridal showers and bachelorettes--I think these should all be optional and did not require this of any of my friends participating in the wedding).  I do, however, think that the rehearsal should be as mandatory as possible (obviously excusable if there are extenuating circumstances) becase some ceremonies are more complicated than others.  And this is coming from the perspective of a bridesmaid--I've been a bridesmaid several times and always made attending the rehearsal a priority. In the end, I agree with you--responsibilities are limited when you agree to be a bridesmaid, but I think you should be availible on the wedding weekend if at all possible.
Posted by kap617[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.
There are people on this board that are having Friday weddings- should one assume that a bridesmaid shouldn't have to attend a Friday wedding because it is during the week?

I was a bridesmaid two years ago and I was at a rehearsal on a Thursday at 3 pm and then at the wedding on a friday. I excused myself from a 1/2 day of work

Other than purchasing a dress, this is the only ting I have asked of my bridesmaids

the marriage ceremony is the MOST important part of the day, it is more imporant than the reception, the food, the music, the dancing and celebrating- it is the REASON for the day.

I don't think a mid-day rehearsal is all that uncommon, considering that Friday weddings are so common

our church is in use for a wedding at 2:30 pm and another one at 5 :00 pm which meant the only other option was a 7:30 pm rehearsal the evening before teh wedding- then a 830 dinner- which seems offputting to our families. For the young people its ok for a 9 pm dinner (ther eis a cocktail half hr included in our rehearsal) but not my parents, his parents or grnadparents etc.

i2012do

and yes I meant 12:45

i2012do

Ya ,i Just hope its the right decision.