BM and MOH not responding - vent

megan8290

Hey brides,

I just wanted a little support. My wedding is August 5th. I have 4 bridesmaids and I've picked out the bridesmaid dresses and sent everyone the e-mail 3 months ago. BM B &C have already ordered their dress. BM A and MOH isn't responding to texts, e-mails, FB messages...etc. We are 5 hour plane ride apart so I can't just call and hang out or "accidentally" run into them at the groceries. My girls and I don't really talk all that often because lately I've been bombarded with school and grad school applications...etc.

I know they really love the dress because when we went dress shopping (which unfortunately only BM A and MOH could be there), they asked the bridal shop to bring out that particular dress to try it on. They immidiately loved it and said if BM B & C likes it, they would love to get the dress. The dress is reasonable in price -$129.

Both BM A and MOH have a really bad habit of being flaky with everything. Often rainchecks, cancels last minute, doesn't respond to messages, tardy (they were both 40 minutes late to the house lunch before the dress shopping).
I know they are not doing this to personally hurt me, they just really suck at keeping up with things like this but I would really like some response from them. 


I just sent an e-mail again asking them if they've ordered their dress. I told them that the dress will take at least 2 months to make and we need to save time for alterations. I know I should probably just give them a deadline. But I kind of want to hear a response first before I just sent out a "homework assignment" with a due date on it.

ARGH

ElyseE25

That's really annoying. I'm really far away from my family and MOH too. And since my sister, who is 16, and my MOH is plus size it was very very difficult finding a dress. Basically nobody liked the one's I loved, and when one of them liked one the other one didn't. My MOH and a good friend of her's are now going to make their dresses, and I'm in the same boat you are were I haven't heard anything about them for a few months. My motto basically is I don't care anymore, because obviously they are going to do what they want no matter what they say and if nothing get purchased then they'll either stark naked or in whatever navy dress they can find. At least I'll look great! 

[Deleted User]

You say they have a history of being like this.... I have a friend like that too... but when it comes down to it she always ends up pulling through when I need her.  Are your friends like this? 
Hope it works out ok!

Jojo714

Hello, 

I had a similar situation and was very frustrated with all the excuses and all the "i hate that dress" blah blah blah, and all the ignored phone calls. Once I came to terms with the fact that they are going to do what they are going to do in the end. I said, worst case scenerio they will be guests at the wedding- I can't make them do anything. I just sent them a text saying I really hope they could purchase the dresses in time and if for some reason they couldn't- I understood. That they were always more than welcomed as guests. Left it in the higher authorities hands, and stopped stressing over it. Lo and behold, I got a call that they all placed their orders- TADA! This is the only thing you really can't control. Don't sweat it... they know how important the day is for you, so I'm sure it'll all work out.

gymbugmj2k

I specifically didn't make one of my attendants my MOH becuase of the reliability factor.  That would drive me insane....so i'm sorry you have to deal with it.

Have you tried actually calling them?  I see a lot of 'text, email, fb message, etc' which is all written/text communication that can be easily put off til later.  a phone call or skype date might be a better option.

if its really a problem, have your other girls check in with them. maybe being contacted by the other bridesmaids might help.

megan8290

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_bm-and-moh-not-responding-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:fef5dac2-dbd6-468d-b1a2-87d46795af49Post:67bc8967-3cf8-498f-94ad-4678ad931a5e">Re: BM and MOH not responding - vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I specifically didn't make one of my attendants my MOH becuase of the reliability factor.  That would drive me insane....so i'm sorry you have to deal with it. Have you tried actually calling them?  I see a lot of 'text, email, fb message, etc' which is all written/text communication that can be easily put off til later.  a phone call or skype date might be a better option. if its really a problem, have your other girls check in with them. maybe being contacted by the other bridesmaids might help.
Posted by gymbugmj2k[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks for the supports ladies! Glad to know I'm not the only one.</div><div>Yeah I have called. I don't like leaving voicemails about things like that. I usually leave voicemail asking how they are. But they don't ever reply. This is usually the case before I got engaged. My MOH have literally waited 4 months to call me back. 

They are people who are extremely last minute, so yes I hope they do pull through. Maybe I should just go ahead give them the deadline so they can be last minute the way they like it. The whole process is extremely difficult because when your friend do this to you and you've cherish them as someone important in your life, you feel a bit let down. It almost makes me wonder, maybe they don't see me as good of a friend as I think them. I know if any of them are getting married, I would've been planning the Bachelorette party by now. 

</div>

rungirl12

I would call and leave a voicemail specifically asking if they have ordered the dress and I would tell them the last date possible for them to order it.  They are big girls and can take on the responsibility of either ordering it on time and standing up, or missing the deadline and either scrambling or stepping down.  You shouldn't worry about it. 

As I learned from other girls on here, it's not worth stressing over things that are in other people's hands.  I have a bridesmaid that is about 30 lbs too big for her dress.  The advice I received was to let her figure it out either alterations-wise, dieting, or ordering a new dress. I tried to sway her during the ordering process, but she wouldn't budge.  To me, that was doing due diligence!  Ultimately, I would be upset if she stepped down for something so trivial, but it's in her hands to fix the problem.  Honestly, if your friends won't even return your calls after 4 months, would you be that hurt if they stepped down?

LibbyC730

I agree with you...I don't like leaving voicemails with homework involved, but if your friends are anything like me, they might be more productive with a deadline and a bit of stress!  I hope it works out!

i2012do

This didn't happen w my BMS but it did with the groomsmen
we had a date all the men had to get measured by and two of the groomens didnt go

finally fiance sent a text that said "hey can you please go get measured the storewill not order the tuxes for the rest of the group without that information"

are the girls all wearing the same dress. Even if its not true id say something like the store won't place the orders for the dresses until everyone's order is in (sometimes this is true because they want to cut the dresses from the same bolt of fabric to avoid differences in the colors)....and maybe that will light a fire under them. it did for our gm's

saraschilling88

I have 2 BMs and an MOH, my BMs have ordered theirs, but my MOH hasn't.  I asked repeatedly for her to get measured so I can order the dress (she hasn't had time).  So what I'm doing is having our mother (my sister is MOH) measure her at my bridal shower (it is Memorial Weekend) and ordering the dress to be shipped to a store near her, and hoping that she or her hubby can pick it up without any issues. 

This may not work for you, but it is just a suggestion to get their measurements and have the dresses shipped to them!

Good luck!!

[Deleted User]

My MOH failed to find the time to get measured.  Thank goodness we are practically the exact same size... I got measured and ordered for her!