First post and need help!!

Megs629

First off, I can't tell you how excited I am to be on The Knot and actually for real planning my wedding!! Although, I must say, I am already feeling overwhelmed and considering elopment, ha ha. I am marrying my best friend and could not be more happier.

Last night we hit our first major snafoo and we don't even have a venue yet! Ha! Last night we were at dinner with two of our guy friends and all they did was talk about the wedding the whole time. Well the topic of the cake came up and Blake announced that he wanted his 12 year old sister to design and pick the cake. I already have his sister as a bridesmaid and love and adore her but.... I just can relinquish that element of the wedding. He then got upset in the car saying that I was trying to say that she has bad taste, which is not true at all, but she still has a 12 year old's taste! She did design her oldest sister's cake and it was a very sweet gesture but it was also at a resort where they designed and picked the flavors the day before. He wouldn't even talk to me the rest of the night and I suggested that maybe we narrow the options down and have her help us from there.

I think I am still at the point where everything still feels overwhelming. While I am so excited, this is the last thing I want. I already feel like I'm being torn in 90 different directions. I know I just need to breath but I hate to see him this upset but I'm not willing to have her design the cake. Helllllpppppp!!!!! Thank you and have a wonderful day!

McKenna2012

Congratulations on your engagement!

I would tell him that it isn't that you think she has bad taste, but that she is a 12-year-old child, and you would rather not have a child design a cake for a formal event.

rknox88

Why not take little sis along to the cake appointment? That way you and FI can pick the flavors and overall design and his sister can feel included in the details. You can look through the books together and ask her opinions.

Really, years from now you will probably cherish more the memory of including her rather than the 'perfect' cake on your wedding day.

Megs629

That's what I proposed to do. I think he was just upset about it and not wanting to talk about it. I would love to do that and once the time comes that would thrill me. Like I said, I love her to death but I already feel like so many things are out of control and I know it's just because everyone is so excited for us. I don't want to step on toes but then I realize that this is OUR wedding. I know people want to make their idea known and I am so glad that they want to be involved but I am finding it overwhelming. I knkow things will start to settle down and everyone's excitement will settle and then I can really start to put everything together. I am just worried, and Blake keeps reminding me that this is my day, that I am already giving up too much control.

Thank you for the advice and the congrats! I am so excited and know I want her help and it would make it so special for us... but first I think we need a venue and a set date! Ha ha

Tanq&Tonic

Maybe before picking a date and venue, you and FI should have a chat about expectations - how much he expects his sister / family to be included, which elements you or he have sole say about, etc.  I think clarifying those things will help to ease the frustration when you find out each others' expectations item by item.  It seems disproportionate to have squabble this 'big' about who chooses a cake design, so maybe it's best to level set before you get to any specifics of planning.

LauraT25

Some venues don't allow food from non-professional or unlicensed cooks, so it may be an entirely moot point.  If you find that it IS okay to have a twelve year-old provide food at whatever venue you choose, you could suggest that she make a groom's cake instead - they're often smaller and more fun, so it might be something better suited for her and it could be less stressful since it won't be the big, extravagant cake and the main focus, plus she might enjoy that it's supposed to be something specifically for her brother.

While I agree that it's probably more important to have her involved than have a fancy cake, I understand your reservations(and you are involving her elsewhere!).  It's a somewhat important part of the ceremony, and I would be pretty stressed leaving it to an amateur, regardless of age.  It's complicated having family and friends involved in things like this because you have no recourse if it doesn't turn out as planned or if she's unable to make it for some reason, plus conversations can turn awkward if you disagree on anything.  You'll be more limited in your choices and it can be frustrating, plus I'm assuming she doesn't have access to a professional kitchen.

rknox88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_first-post-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:23Discussion:0b8fd85a-e588-4658-8a81-9887b2e9ff22Post:ecbfea05-a9a3-41fa-b90d-0299e99dee7e">Re: First post and need help!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Some venues don't allow food from non-professional or unlicensed cooks, so it may be an entirely moot point.  If you find that it IS okay to have a twelve year-old provide food at whatever venue you choose, you could suggest that she make a groom's cake instead - they're often smaller and more fun, so it might be something better suited for her and it could be less stressful since it won't be the big, extravagant cake and the main focus, plus she might enjoy that it's supposed to be something specifically for her brother. While I agree that it's probably more important to have her involved than have a fancy cake, I understand your reservations(and you are involving her elsewhere!).  It's a somewhat important part of the ceremony, and I would be pretty stressed leaving it to an amateur, regardless of age.  It's complicated having family and friends involved in things like this because you have no recourse if it doesn't turn out as planned or if she's unable to make it for some reason, plus conversations can turn awkward if you disagree on anything.  You'll be more limited in your choices and it can be frustrating, plus I'm assuming she doesn't have access to a professional kitchen.
Posted by LauraT25[/QUOTE]


I don't think the 12 year old sister is making anything. I think OP's fiance wanted her to design their wedding cake like she did for her older sister-kind of a like a family tradition is how I read it. Maybe I'm wrong...

LauraT25

Yep, apparently I skimmed and totally missed the point.  Just ignore me.

Melissa603

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_first-post-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:0b8fd85a-e588-4658-8a81-9887b2e9ff22Post:d7569c93-c738-42d8-a3ec-242c297141a9">Re: First post and need help!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Why not take little sis along to the cake appointment? That way you and FI can pick the flavors and overall design and his sister can feel included in the details. You can look through the books together and ask her opinions. Really, years from now you will probably cherish more the memory of including her rather than the 'perfect' cake on your wedding day.
Posted by rknox88[/QUOTE]

<div>I like this idea</div>

amarti010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_first-post-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:0b8fd85a-e588-4658-8a81-9887b2e9ff22Post:d7569c93-c738-42d8-a3ec-242c297141a9">Re: First post and need help!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Why not take little sis along to the cake appointment? That way you and FI can pick the flavors and overall design and his sister can feel included in the details. You can look through the books together and ask her opinions. Really, years from now you will probably cherish more the memory of including her rather than the 'perfect' cake on your wedding day.
Posted by rknox88[/QUOTE]

This. Its a very sweet gesture, maybe have her sketch a design and take it along with you to your cake testing and perhaps you may come across something that she designed that you may just want to incorporate into your wedding cake.FI shouldn't be mad at you because of this... its all about compromising.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_first-post-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:23Discussion:0b8fd85a-e588-4658-8a81-9887b2e9ff22Post:46588568-8881-4305-a65a-f7c823dce52c">First post and need help!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well the topic of the cake came up and Blake announced that he wanted his 12 year old sister to design and pick the cake. I already have his sister as a bridesmaid and love and adore her but.... I just can relinquish that element of the wedding. He then got upset in the car saying that I was trying to say that she has bad taste, which is not true at all, but she still has a 12 year old's taste! Posted by Megs629[/QUOTE]

I have a sneaking suspicion that he already told his sister that she could design the cake.  If he did this, taking her along to make her feel like a part of the planning process and then not doing exactly what she wants may backfire on you.  Before you do anything, find out exactly what is going on.

NOLAbridealmost

Yikes.....I am with the PP who said maybe you should chat with FI about how involved his family will be in planning things.  I mean, I can understand him getting "upset" and not wanting to talk if his mother was a cake designer/had really strong opinions about cake, but this is a 12 year old sibling...