To serve alcohol, or not

GardenMaven

I have been reading some of the post on here about dry verses wet weddings and it is not making my decision any easier.  I do not want alcohol at our wedding or reception.  My reason is that alcohol brings up bad emotions due to dealing with an alcoholic.  Even the smell of alcohol repulses me.  Both my fiance's family and mine drink when there is an event, so this is a very difficult topic.  I don't think that my family would be upset, but I am not sure about my fiance's family.  So I guess the question is do I please the crowd, or risk upsetting them for my own mental well-being?  

melb2013

You do not have to have alcohol at your wedding if you don't to.  In fact, if there are alcoholics in your family, it may be better not to have alcohol.  Do what you feel most comfortable wtih.

jessicabessica

What does your FI want?  Do you feel the same about all alcohol, or just hard alcohol?  If it wouldn't bother you to have wine and beer, that might be a good compromise.  

Lincolnmagoo

I would suggest doing a cash bar. It comes off the wrong way to have a dry wedding and not even give guests an option to purchase it themselves. They've come there for you, giving you gifts and money, it's rude to treat them as if they're being punished for someone else's mistake. If you don't trust your guests because you think they may get drunk then think about not inviting them to the wedding at all. 

kikirst33

As PP have said it really is up to you and your FI to decide.

If you do decide to have a dry reception it is very likely that your guests may bring some and will be making trips out to the parking lot to "fill" their glasses.  Every dry wedding I have been do has had about 50% of the guests outside at any time getting drinks.   

mabapunta

If you don't want it, and if your FI agrees, I'd say don't have it. It's a good idea to move the time of reception up so it's not assumed that it's going to be a late night drinking party.

And in relation to PP, def consider who you're inviting and whether they would BYOB. Or maybe a cash bar would be a good idea - if they want it really badly, they'll pay for it. I know with the reception venue we just booked with - they also do bar service, and the contract states that they will throw people out of the event if they bring their own alcohol. So I'd hate for that to happen to you!

Sue-n-Kevin

The wedding is for you and your fiance. I would sit him down and get his opinion, then ask your families for opinions. Ultimately, it's your wedding and you should do what is comfortable for you.

It was a painful decision for us, but my hubby's son is an alcoholic. I mean, living out in the streets alcoholic who has tried dozens of times to get his life together. He was not invited, and that was a joint decision. Family members understood. Sometimes it's difficult to accomodate each and every person. But IMO, you two should discuss it first, then get immediate family opinions before deciding.

If you decide to go with a dry reception, then if word gets out, I can promise you people who have to have alcohol to have a "good time" will bring pints or flasks and pour outside or under the table.

Good luck.

lyndausvi

If  you and your FI agree skip it.

However you risk the chance of disappointing your family/friends.  Only you can decide if it's worth it or not.

I don't get why people are suggesting a cash bar.  The smell of alcohol is still there even if the guests are paying for it

NOLAbridealmost

Don't do a cash bar; that's rude. And those who are out to get sh*tfaced will do it whether they have to pay for it or not.

Dry weddings are perfectly polite and acceptable.  You're not "punishing" guests for other people's mistakes if you have a dry wedding.  

That said, I prefer to have wine with my meals and tend to enjoy myself more in big groups after a cocktail or two.  It's completely up to you and your FI though.  I'm not sure how much you'd be able to smell the liquor unless you're inches from someone's drink or someone spills. 

Summer2011Bride

I also don't understand how a cash bar would solve this issue, and on top of that, it's rude to ask your guests to open their wallet at your wedding.

If you don't want alcohol and FI is on board, you definitely don't HAVE to serve alcohol. But if you do decide to do alcohol, host it, even if that's just beer and wine.

GardenMaven

Thank you for your input!  I have discussed it with my FI and he is Ok with a dry reception.  My sister and mom will be in town this week (they live out of state), so I plan on getting their input as well.  There are only two people on our invite list that I could see bringing their own alcohol, but I know if my FI talked to them, they wouldn't do it.  (They are from his side.)  I have thought about the cash bar, but that would still leave me dealing with the smell, etc and I do think that it is rude to have a cash bar.  

librababy

It's your wedding.  If alcohol upsets you, don't have it.  The last thing you want is to be regretful on your wedding day about a decision you made to please other people.

Everyone we know drinks soda.  We don't.  Guess what... we're not having any at our wedding.  100% Juice will suffice. 

Osnat Eldar

When I first meet with couples (jewish weddings in Israel) I tell them we need to agree that there will be no drinking (alcohol) until after the Chuppa ceremony. They usually laugh. As we approach the wedding day, and the schedule for the day is set – I remind of our agreement. "not even one drink?" is usually their attempt to bargain. NO. not even one drink.

Why? This day is stressful as it is. Filled with activities, sometimes in the middle of the warm summer, and alcohol is not the best substance to add to this equation. But the main target of this "rule" is that I want them to be as conscience as it is possible during their Chuppa/ceremony. I want them to feel the excitement, I want them to remember. Being tipsy at the beginning of the evening will not get them go through the whole event (usually ending in Israel around 02:00 – 03:00 am).

After the Chuppa  - they are asked to have drinks with nearly every friend - lots of drinks for those who are not accustom with consuming alcohol – for those I got a tip from one of my grooms: Drink 1/2 a glass of olive oil (yes!!!) it will coat your stomach and delay alcohol absorbing.

Enjoy your wedding day!