Cake Tasting

KMB611

I'm sorry if this post is long but I had to get this off my chest.

When we got engaged, my fiance told me that he wanted to get his cake from a particular bakery. I was okay with it, at first. We went on with setting our date and began the planning process. We wanted to make an appointment to discuss details, view their collections in books, and perhaps place a deposit for the cake. Well we called, we were told that they weren't taking any appts. for 2010 at the time (we called in Nov. 2009).

Fast forward a few months to Mar. 2010, I called to make an appt. for a cake tasting. Well, they only did tastings certain days of the week during certain hours. I've learned that this is customary for many bakeries. The day came for us to go to this bakery and I did not enjoy the experience.

Where should I begin? Well first off, a woman took us upstairs to the so-called cake showroom and it seemed blah to me. She didn't even stay with us; she left the room to go back down to the storefront. The owner came up about 5 minutes later and my fiance asked her to help us and she did.

I thought the purpose of a cake tasting was to taste various cake flavors. This bakery only makes one flavor of wedding cake and it saddened me a bit. I knew my fiance had his heart set on getting a cake from this place and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But I was annoyed at the service received from this bakery. I felt as though they were unprofessional.

I made an appointment to go to another bakery because I felt I didn't get the full bridal cake tasting experience. This tasting was much better. They offered about 7 different cake flavors and the woman was so nice. She sat with me and explained everything. I later told my fiance what I had done and he was upset with me. He didn't even hear my reasoning behind going to another bakery. Was I wrong for going on my own?

bethbloom

That they didn't stay with you while you were tasting is weird enough, but when there's only one flavor (bizarre!) I guess there's no point?

The cake tastings I had were like the second you went to on your own. Talking about ideas, walking through things, all that.

Why don't you get a groom's cake from the bakery your fiance is set on? Either have it as another flavor at the reception or at the rehearsal dinner.

girl2bewed

The above post was a fabulous alternative, get a grooms cake from the bakery your fiance likes so much. Explain to him again how disappointed you are with the bakery and there are so much more options with the new bakery. For the record, I think you should have told him you were going to the new bakery especially since you knew he liked the other one so much. I dont think you were wrong for going there, but I can understand why he would be a little miffed that you told him after the fact.

sgervais88

Did he say that he was upset that you went to another bakery even though he wants the first one? Or because you went without him and didn't tell him until after the fact? All my FI cares about is the cake and food. If I went to a cake tasting without him, I doubt he would be happy with me lol.

I agree with PPs by the way, the groom's cake idea sounds like a fabulous one, and maybe you can even get it in a different flavor.

KMB611

I've approached the idea of him getting a groom's cake from the bakery he likes and get the other cake from the place I like. He doesn't want 2 cakes at the reception. I told him that this is 2010 and receptions do have 2 cakes nowadays. I think he's more upset at the fact that I no longer want a cake from his favorite bakery. I'm thinking of letting him get the main cake from his bakery and I'll get a smaller cake from the place I like. I know I should've told him, but I thought his feelings would've gotten hurt.

melissamc2

I see both of your sides on this one.  I agree, a cake tasting like that is total garbage and only having one flavour to choose from seems insane.   So, I am completely on your side regarding wanting to check around for more options.

I also can understand why he'd feel a bit deceived by your going "behind his back," though.  Yes, his feelings might have been hurt, but they'd have been hurt by the truth - not by finding out about something you did AFTER you did it.

I think I'd explore WHY this particularly bakery is so important to him.  I can understand it being his "Favourite bakery," but sometimes that's just not good enough when it comes to something really important (and I feel that the wedding cake is).   For example, I really had my heart set on carrot cake for at least one layer of our wedding cake.  I LOVE carrot cake and it can look gorgeous when done correctly.   My fiance was against it (he also loves carrot cake, for the record) simply because it seemed "not wedding-y enough" and a bit too heavy.  We went to the tasting (and were given half a dozen absurdly delicious flavours to sample!) and turns out...he was right.  While we adored the carrot cake AS a carrot cake, it didn't feel "right" for our wedding cake at all.  

Your fiance's continuing push for this bakery would make me question whether his movites behind wanting it are more valid, or important, than your motives for wanting to use another one.  I have to admit, it'd have to be a REALLY good reason on his side to outweigh just wanting a good cake.

Good luck.  I hope you can both come to a compromise that works for everyone.

kaesha

Poor call on going behind his back - you're not going to be able to convince him to go with another place unless he can taste/see the difference.

What is it about this first bakery that he's so attached to?

jed15

If he's anything like my FI, he doesn't have too many opinions on other wedding related choices. I say, let him have his cake! I'm sure there are a lot of things he's not crazy about that you chose, and his heart is set on having a cake from his favorite bakery!!

KMB611

He always wanted to get his wedding cake from there. It's his favorite becasue it's black owned and he loves their cakes. I don't agree with how they do business. I had originally gone to the other bakery b/c I was going to surprise him with a groom's cake. I had spoken to our coordinator about it and to my surprise she too isn't too fond of the bakery he likes. When I told her the dilemma, she felt as though I should be able to get the wedding cake from a bakery that I wanted to and he can get his groom's cake from the bakery of his choice. This bakery does have cakes that taste dry. The only flavor of wedding cake they make is lemon pound. I'm not looking for the cake to be fancy in taste, but I'm sure no one would want their guests to complain about a cake that was dry at their wedding. I admit that I was fine with the place until we went for the so-called tasting. He wanted to argue wtih me about and my response to him was, "We are arguing about a cake. I know you're upset that I went to a cake tasting with another bakery, but did you ever think that maybe I wanted to get the full bridal experience? Maybe I want to eventually get a custom birthday cake from this bakery for a future birthday party." He was willing to listen to me after I said this. He is in sales, so if anybody should understand about customer service, he should.

NillaWafer10

I would bring home a sample cake from the other bakery.  I think he probably felt disrespected that you didn't tell him you were going to another bakery.  I know that the cake was one of two areas that my FI wanted to be involved in the planning, so he would have been super upset too.

jed15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_cake-tasting-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:40d131b4-e3ca-4559-984a-ffd321904d95Post:647884a4-8d3b-4c0f-84d7-39feab6640a9">Re: Cake Tasting</a>:
[QUOTE]I had spoken to our coordinator about it and to my surprise she too isn't too fond of the bakery he likes. When I told her the dilemma, she felt as though I should be able to get the wedding cake from a bakery that I wanted to and he can get his groom's cake from the bakery of his choice.
Posted by KMB611[/QUOTE]
Why in the world is where you coordinator "feels" you should be able to get your cake from even part of your arugument? She doesn't have to like everything you pick out, it's not her wedding. You are paying her to help you plan yours. You are the bride, but he is the groom and frankly I think you're being a little bridezilla-ish that everything has to be yours (and apparently your planner's) way.

BabyGirl0923

Black owned? Really?? WOW...

KMB611

I don't feel as though I'm being a Bridezilla regarding this issue. My FI does need to be more open-minded about the issue. He wants to help with the planning and I'm for that. But at the same time, he wants a cake from this bakery and has dragged his feet. If it weren't for me, we wouldn't have had the cake tasting with the first bakery. I'm trying to let him in on the planning, but they call it wedding planning for a reason. I'm not a last minute person and he knows this. So while I may have been wrong in people's opinion for going to a tasting without him, he is the one that's not available for appointments due to his job schedule. Am I supposed to wait around and have the wedding day be a disaster because he isn't doing his part?

As for my coordinator, she is also a friend of ours and she does see both sides of the issue.

tommyandy

Call the bakery you liked & see if you can bring FI in for a tasting too.  As for the bakery being black owned, I'm 100% positive it's not the only one in Philly.  If he wants it for that reason only, try the other black owned bakeries too.  Race is not a reason to support a vendor who gives a poor quality product or bad service.