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Food and Cakes

Mother of The Bride: Help !!! Is it custom for grooms family to come to taste testing for reception

I really don't think this is the custom. Please help here. They wanted to come to see the reception place with us in the beginning. Fine. But now they want to taste the food my daughter and groom have picked out.

Any suggestions would be great.Smile

Re: Mother of The Bride: Help !!! Is it custom for grooms family to come to taste testing for reception

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Why is it a problem that they come to the tasting? Anyone can go to a tasting so there really aren't any customs of who and who is not allowed. Do they want to go because they want to be involved and supportive? Are they paying or helping to pay for the wedding? If they are contributing then they have a right to an opinion and a right to help make decisions. Just a bit confused why you seem so upset over them wanting to come.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_mother-of-the-bride-help-is-it-custom-for-grooms-family-to-come-to-taste-testing-for-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:6157cc49-af4d-49eb-91e9-415735ea6579Post:149de839-6e08-4c6b-9168-7a926c8d3ce1">Mother of The Bride: Help !!! Is it custom for grooms family to come to taste testing for reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really don't think this is the custom. Please help here. They wanted to come to see the reception place with us in the beginning. Fine. But now they want to taste the food my daughter and groom have picked out. Any suggestions would be great.
    Posted by kimmt40[/QUOTE]

    <div>What does your daughter and future-SIL want them to do?  Why do you care if they come or not to a tasting?  Are they not allowed to be excited about the wedding and want to share in the planning?  </div><div>
    </div><div>More info about what is going on would be helpful.  Generally speaking, if you exclude them now or are anything but gracious, I imagine it will affect your relationship with them going forward, and maybe your daugther's relationship with her ILs.  So tread carefully.</div>

  • Can I take a guess that you are paying for this portion of the wedding and don't want their input on it?

    I do get it.  I"m a MOB too.  I had arranged the tasting for my DD and her then FI.  Next thing I know, her dad and stepmom have invitedt themselves.  Her stepmom is one of those people where she is right and EVERYONE else is wrong about everything.  I was NOT happy about that.  I was paying for the caterer and really just wanted the kids opinion.  I kept my mouth shut and they attended.  I will say, from then on, DD didn't mention any vendor appts I was paying for infront of her stepmom.

    I will encourage you to step back for a moment and just take a breath.  Why don't you want them to attend?  Are they not paying for anything but trying to drive the train?  Are they just interested and your DD's FI wants them there.

    I think I understand your feelings but need a bit more background here.  Why exactly aren't you happy about this?

    We will save my DD's stepmom inviting herself to my hotel suite to get ready with everyone for another day....
  • H and I just went to our tasting alone. I didn't even think to invite the parents.
  • TheVirginiansTheVirginians member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited November 2012
    This is 99.99% the couple's decision. If parents attend, the only reason for them to open their mouth is to put food in it. The only reason for them even to attend is if they are paying.
  • If the bride's parents want to/expect to be able to attend it is only fair for the groom's parents to have the opportunity. 

    Or just do what we did and don't have either set of parents come.  Way less drama.  We had 3 members of our wedding party come with us and that was it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_mother-of-the-bride-help-is-it-custom-for-grooms-family-to-come-to-taste-testing-for-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:6157cc49-af4d-49eb-91e9-415735ea6579Post:54c583af-1d8e-4eca-817b-a0ad181fc4fe">Re: Mother of The Bride: Help !!! Is it custom for grooms family to come to taste testing for reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If the bride's parents want to/expect to be able to attend it is only fair for the groom's parents to have the opportunity.  Or just do what we did and don't have either set of parents come.  Way less drama.  We had 3 members of our wedding party come with us and that was it.
    Posted by ChristineNB[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I don't agree with that.  In our family, the wedding is a gift to the couple.  We don't hand them a wad of cash, we plan, sign all the contracts, and give them the wedding they want (within the budget of course).  We host.  We pay the bills, and we issue the invitations.</div><div>
    </div><div>When DD #1 got married I paid for the caterer and just really wanted the kids to taste the food, choose what they wanted and I would do the contract.   Just because I was there doesn't mean her FIL's were entitled to be there.  (They didn't want them involved anyway).  If I am paying and taking responsibility for the contracts, then I don't have to invite them just because I went.  This sounds far more harsh than I mean it, but there is often good reason to keep people at a distance.  If you knew DD's FIL, you would see a shining example of just that.</div><div>
    </div><div>I would like OP to come back and give us some more details as to why she is so upset about this.  DD #3's IL's?  Adore them and her MIL joined us for everything because that is what DD wanted.

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_mother-of-the-bride-help-is-it-custom-for-grooms-family-to-come-to-taste-testing-for-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:6157cc49-af4d-49eb-91e9-415735ea6579Post:4d986170-2abf-491e-8673-19b966c1ec03">Re: Mother of The Bride: Help !!! Is it custom for grooms family to come to taste testing for reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mother of The Bride: Help !!! Is it custom for grooms family to come to taste testing for reception? : I don't agree with that.  In our family, the wedding is a gift to the couple.  We don't hand them a wad of cash, we plan, sign all the contracts, and give them the wedding they want (within the budget of course).  We host.  We pay the bills, and we issue the invitations. When DD #1 got married I paid for the caterer and just really wanted the kids to taste the food, choose what they wanted and I would do the contract.   Just because I was there doesn't mean her FIL's were entitled to be there.  (They didn't want them involved anyway).  If I am paying and taking responsibility for the contracts, then I don't have to invite them just because I went.  This sounds far more harsh than I mean it, but there is often good reason to keep people at a distance.  If you knew DD's FIL, you would see a shining example of just that. I would like OP to come back and give us some more details as to why she is so upset about this.  DD #3's IL's?  Adore them and her MIL joined us for everything because that is what DD wanted.
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
    Different strokes for different folks.  Obviously if either bride or groom's parents give money to pay for catering they they should have a say in the food as well as atending the tasting.  However for couples like mine where we paid for everything out of pocket ourselves, it makes more sense and less drama to go to tastings and other wedding related appointments without parents.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_mother-of-the-bride-help-is-it-custom-for-grooms-family-to-come-to-taste-testing-for-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:23Discussion:6157cc49-af4d-49eb-91e9-415735ea6579Post:4d986170-2abf-491e-8673-19b966c1ec03">Re: Mother of The Bride: Help !!! Is it custom for grooms family to come to taste testing for reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mother of The Bride: Help !!! Is it custom for grooms family to come to taste testing for reception? : I don't agree with that.  In our family, the wedding is a gift to the couple.  We don't hand them a wad of cash, we plan, sign all the contracts, and give them the wedding they want (within the budget of course).  We host.  We pay the bills, and we issue the invitations. When DD #1 got married I paid for the caterer and just really wanted the kids to taste the food, choose what they wanted and I would do the contract.   Just because I was there doesn't mean her FIL's were entitled to be there.  (They didn't want them involved anyway).  If I am paying and taking responsibility for the contracts, then I don't have to invite them just because I went.  This sounds far more harsh than I mean it, but there is often good reason to keep people at a distance.  If you knew DD's FIL, you would see a shining example of just that. I would like OP to come back and give us some more details as to why she is so upset about this.  DD #3's IL's?  Adore them and her MIL joined us for everything because that is what DD wanted.
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]


    I agree. I am a MOG and would never expect to be invited to plan a party that other people are hosting.
  • edited November 2012
    My parents came to my tastings because they paid for the whole wedding.  ILs were not invited because it really wasn't their call.   

    Likewise, I didn't give ANY input on IL's choice of rehearsal dinner venue.  It simply was none of my business because they were hosting, not me. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_mother-of-the-bride-help-is-it-custom-for-grooms-family-to-come-to-taste-testing-for-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:6157cc49-af4d-49eb-91e9-415735ea6579Post:f440aa34-14ab-4e7b-a94e-ed80da017464">Re: Mother of The Bride: Help !!! Is it custom for grooms family to come to taste testing for reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mother of The Bride: Help !!! Is it custom for grooms family to come to taste testing for reception? : Different strokes for different folks.  Obviously if either bride or groom's parents give money to pay for catering they they should have a say in the food as well as atending the tasting.  H<strong>owever for couples like mine where we paid for everything out of pocket ourselves, it makes more sense and less drama to go to tastings and other wedding related appointments without parents.</strong>
    Posted by ChristineNB[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I completely agree with the bold part!

    </div>
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2012
    Why shouldn't they come to the tasting?  Are there other issues between you and them that make you want to exclude them?  If not, what difference does it make that they're there?
  • I agree with PP - Is there a particular reason to exclude them? Are they involved in the wedding planning overall?

    My family really is not involved with our wedding planning. FMIL is glad to help any way she can - she attended the tasting with our original caterer (our plans have since changed), along with our wedding planner. FMIL and FFIL are not paying for really any part of the wedding, so that's not the reason we included her. We really respect her opinion and wanted to see what she thought. She was totally respectful of our wishes and gave her opinion when asked. But I can understand not everyone is that way...
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  • We have our tasting tomorrow, and my mom, and my FI's parents are all coming.  We did have to buy 2 additional meals so that everyone will get enough (which would be the only reason I could see to not invite all parents).  My mom is footing the bill for 1/2 of our wedding, his parents haven't decided what, if anything, they are contributing yet.  And, we are paying for the 2 additional entrees, becuase we want them to be involved.  Everything that I have planned so far, I have asked both my mom and his if they want to participate or come along to various appts.  We did the venue ourselves, but my mom came for dress shopping for me and bridesmaids, and his mom came along for bridesmaid dresses and tuxes.  We did cake on our own, and my mom came along to the flower appt.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My husband and I footed the bill for the entire wedding/reception.  The bride and groom were able to bring a total of 6 people (at no cost) to the tasting.  Because it was free, we saw no reason not to invite the groom's parents.  

    That said, however, I will say that both sets of parents basically came along "for the ride and the free meal".  We had already agreed to offer 3 entrees; a beef, a chicken, and a vegetarian.  Although the parents offered opinions on personal favorites, it was understood that the selections would be made by the bride and groom.  
  • My husband and I payed for our entire wedding (because I think adults should pay for their own wedding - but that is another topic).
     
    We were allowed to bring a total of 4 people to the tasting.  There was myself, my hubby to be, my mom and his mom.  I don't see the big deal.  They had suggestions and recommendations we didn't think of.  But, the final selection were ours to make.

    I don't care who is paying the bill, the wedding is for the bride the groom.  They should pick who they want to come to the tasting.  They should also get to the pick the food (according to the budget).  So really, as long as they stay in the budget, I don't see any reason they have to bring you, the mother of the bride.
  • I can understand if you wanted that time with just your daughter and FSIL. But here's my personal perspective. I'm about to marry into another family. 1) the plethera of pre-wedding events provide unique opportunities to bond with my new family members. 2) It doesn't hurt to get an early start of building a nest on my FMIL's good side Wink Plus, my mother passed away last year, and while I'm not trying to replace her (because trust me, that can't happen), it's nice to have someone in a motherly role who is trying to look out for our best interest as a couple.  
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