Wedding Cakes & Food Forum

Is it rude...

My FH and I aren't going to have a traditional cake as neither of us is a big cake fan.  We're looking into a dessert table with cupcakes, cookies, pies, candies etc.  Anyway, I was wondering if it would be rude or weird or whatever, to have close family make desserts?  Is that asking too much since the desserts would most likely have to be made the day of or the day before the wedding & brought to the reception, as well?
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Re: Is it rude...

  • edited December 2011
    not at all. not rude. if people are open to doing it..why not? My mom is making lots of sweets for our sweet table!
  • twilight.rosetwilight.rose member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think it's quite rude to ask them to cook/bake. If, however, they offer (or have already offered), you can accept. Don't bring this up unless they volunteer their time and talents.

    Do keep in mind, however, that if you're having a large number of people at your wedding, this may be more of an undertaking than they're expecting, particularly if they haven't baked for a large group before.

    If I were you, I would look at local grocery stores (Wal-Mart, Kroger, etc.) to see their dessert prices. That would probably be more affordable than a dedicated bakery, and would allow your family to be guests, not workers, at your wedding.
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  • MommyMarta08MommyMarta08 member
    edited December 2011
    You shouldn't ask your relatives to make food. If they volunteer, fine but you will also have to make sure you have enough of everything. Like the PP said, it will be baking for a lot of people. People may realize this is more difficult than they originally thought. Dessert is really not very expensive. Why don't you just order things from your local bakery? 
  • edited December 2011
    Hmm, okay so a main reason for wanting the desserts to come from family is because we have recipes for desserts that we like and that family members like, which are best made by specific people.  So what about maybe, seeing if those people specifically would like to contribute their mad baking skills to the reception AND buying other desserts from a bakery/local store (Smart & Final, Costco etc)?  Still asking too much?
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  • edited December 2011
    Again, ASKING is too much. Wait for them to offer. Or see if they'd share the recipe with you. When they find out you want it for the wedding, they might just offer. 
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You are the hosts of the party, therefore you are obligated to provide the food and dessert. So, yes, it'd be rude to ask people to cater your party.

    If they offer, sure, accept their help. Otherwise, keep quiet about it.

    If your main reason is to feature family recipes, then get the recipes from your family and either make them yourselves, or hire a baker to follow that recipe.

    Or, alternatively, print out the recipes and make small cookbooks to give away as favors. Or as gifts to family members who have been really helpful/supportive.
  • Ashes_3Ashes_3 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    If they volunteer for it, then it isn't rude. If you ask then they may feel pressured into doing it.
  • nancyrnancyr member
    edited December 2011
    I think you could probably get away with having your mom or sisters or someone mention that they are making something for your sweet table, not enough for the whole group, just one cake, one pie etc.  and see if people say they'll bring something as well.  It's not at all unusual in Europe for people to each bring a cake/pie/etc. for desserts so that the sweet table is usually groaning.  Went to a wedding in Norway where all the women who wanted to brought a dessert, but not enough for the whole party so it wasn't a big burden.  A lot of countries do that and there's no reason not to involve your family, just have someone coordinate it so you know what you have to do to have enough for everyone. 
  • lisab613lisab613 member
    edited December 2011
    i really don't think it's rude, if you make sure to tell them that they can decline if they don't feel like they have the time. no one person would be contributing ALL the desert, it would be like they were sort of "chipping in" in a cute way. in certain parts of the country this is actually a big tradition. pittsburgh especially, they do "cookie bars" in which all the ladies in the family make their specialties, and then people leave with little doggie bags.
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href=" Topic Wedding BoardsForum:23Discussion:8532d791-c75d-40b4-9ff1-4f44502ef7bdPost:11ac1755-d207-4e07-9228-7aa9fde822ba">Re: Is it rude...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If they volunteer for it, then it isn't rude. If you ask then they may feel pressured into doing it.
    Posted by Ashes_3[/QUOTE]

    Exactly how I feel about it too.
  • edited December 2011
    You know your family best, but I agree that asking can make them feel obligated.  Maybe this could be their gift to you and your husband?  Also, be sure to have a plan B in case something happens. 
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