people bringing food?

krspivey

Okay, I know it sounds crazy... but hear me out!

a few precursors: We are both in college, my mom is excited and paying.

My fiancee and I have been active members at our church our entire lives, and we have a LOT of friends and friends' moms who love us a LOT! We know there are many women and friends who would do anything for us in life, and they've proven it with a record of helping us out of life's jams.

Now, Austin and I REALLY want a very communal, community-focused wedding! It is very important to us that we allow people to feel invested, involved, and important. We are trying to invite lots of those friends and families I mentioned, and so we figured to ask them if they would like to be involved, we would love to let them! If they could make food or help with setup or anything, we would love their help! If they make food, we would put a cute placard in front of the dish at the reception with their name on it. I think it sounds amazing, my fiancee has it as an 8 out of 10 in importance, and all of my friends who haven't suggested it themselves, have liked the idea!

Pros: It saves us money, allowing us to invite more people. It fits in my values of valuing people over money while spending wisely, and it allows it all to be communal!

problem: My mom HATES the idea, because she thinks people will be "burdened" and it will "show poorly on her".

I need to hear what you guys think!

remember: we're in college, and have tons of moms and friends who have offered help.

Thanks!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I have to agree with your mom. Potluck receptions are kind of tacky.

If people volunteer to help set up, that's one thing. But asking people to provide their own food when you are supposed to be hosting them and thanking them for coming to witness your ceremony doesn't fly.

Being in college isn't an excuse. Just have the wedding you can afford to have, or wait until you can afford the wedding you want.

jenn.daniel

It sounds like this is socially acceptable in your circle, so I think it's fine.  However, if your mother is paying and doesn't like the idea, it may be easier to let her cover the reception and get it catered.  In that case you could do a large rehearsal dinner with people helping out by bringing food etc, if they offer.  Depending on when you go on your honeymoon, these friends may want to help with a morning after the wedding brunch.

danieliza1127

Personally, I agree with your mom.  Read up on wedding etiquette and you'll see that she's right.  The wedding is a day for your friends and family to witness your marriage and to support you guys.  The reception is your way of thanking them for taking time out of their lives to come be with you.  It's your way of thanking them for spending money to be there and for a gift, because even though gifts aren't required, let's face it, most people will bring or send one.

I do think it would be a burden to ask people to make and bring dishes to your reception.  They will have spend more money to make the food.  They'll have to transport it and set it up.  They'll have to worry about how to keep it hot or cold.  Someone will have to man the food the whole time and make sure everything is the right temperature and full and not a huge mess.  It's just a lot of work.  I think you would honor your friends and family a lot more by letting them come and be guests and NOT work at your wedding.

mbcdefg

I agree with your mother. Your wedding reception is supposed to be you and FI thanking your guests for coming ... therefore, the guests should not be providing their own food.

Like a PP said, being in college is no excuse. Good manners and proper etiquette is the responsibility of anyone, especially adults - and if you are adult enough to get married then you are adult enough to do it properly.

If people OFFER to help, then that's a different story. But even then, don't give them too many responsibilities ... if they are worrying about the food, then that is less time they have to relax and enjoy the party. There are TONS of ways to have a wedding caterered for a small price tag, so do some research and draw up a plan of how you can feed your guests without having them do the work that comes with the meal.

dianenjnj

jen and danielisa have given you some good common sense info and suggestions!