Choosing a cake vendor... and keeping everybody happy :(

AngieB6

I'm running into my first bit of wedding drama!  Ugh....

So - my mom has a baker she wants me to use.  I've been to a tasting, and the cake is amazing.  I loved this lady's design and flavors.  Mom and Dad want to buy my cake for me (FI and I are paying for 90% of everything) and want me to use this vendor.  Who I love.

FMIL has a baker she wants me to use.  This lady is a baker for Kroger and also does cakes out of her home.  I've had it before at birthday parties and its pretty good.  She doesn't have a website and I don't know what complex cakes she's done.  I called her yesterday morning and haven't heard back from her yet.  FILs are not paying for anything.

Am I horrible to want to use my mom's baker exclusively?  I've offered to use FMILs baker for the shower and rehearsal dinner, but I think her feelings are hurt.  I am going to need either a sheet or groom's cake to feed about 50 more people... but if I use a different baker for those will it be wierd that the cakes don't match?

Am I over thinking this?  I'd really just like to use FMILs baker for the rehearsal and showers, and my mom's for all of the wedding cake. 

Thoughts?  I need to stop agonizing over this!

rknox88

I understand wanting to please both mom and FMIL. I think your idea to use FMIL's baker for pre-wedding get togethers is great! Just explain to FMIL that you have already met with mom's baker, and know she can execute you and FI's vision for your cake. Maybe let her know you will be excited to create a new design for the RD cake with her baker though?

If It were me, I would just tell FMIL it is over and done with. A decision has been made. But I also understand the need for a little finesse in these situations.

SSaltzman87

I think your original idea's just fine. It's a good compromise to include them both should you choose to.

It's not a horrible idea to just use your mom's baker, like PP said- just explain to FMIL that a decision's already been made.

RebeccaB88

I think your original plan is fine.  FMIL will get over it.  You are taking her feelings into consideration, but you don't have to do it her way if you don't want to.  If she isn't paying, then she really doesn't have a say.  And while there is a definite need for tact when she finds out what you're doing, you shouldn't have to treat her with kid gloves all the time.  If she's getting all butthurt about a cake, she needs to thicken her skin.

fallbride1109

I agree with the PP.  But I would say have your FI smooth it over.  Have him tell her your parents are buying the wedding cake and it has already been chosen but that you are considering using her baker for the other events.  Maybe FMIL's baker could be used for the groom's cake as a nice compromise--it won't matter that it's a different baker since it's a separate cake.

031107

If your FMIL gets upset of this, she is too touchy and you need to prepare yourself now for a long and bumpy road.

My MIL tried to stir up problems from the start about everything (and I really do mean everything).  My husband and I have found a way to make this work and our marriage happy.  From the beginning if what MIL wanted isn't want we wanted we never caved.  I knew that if we did cave she would continue to pitch fits knowing she can wear us down.
 
Because she has yet to win, she doesn't pitch fits anymore.  Now, my SIL hasn't learned this yet - and so the battles continue between them.

AngieB6

Thanks everyone... I guess I just needed a bit of back up.  FMIL hasn't said anything to me directly, but I can tell she's sad about it. 

On a side note, I called her baker on Monday and left a voice mail, and she still hasn't called me back.  I'm thinking I made the right decision!

RebeccaB88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_choosing-cake-vendor-keeping-everybody-happy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:23Discussion:e8dc4e07-85c3-4752-b371-cf8a3f96446bPost:b979f40e-b20e-41c0-abbf-8bf71f9bdca3">Re: Choosing a cake vendor... and keeping everybody happy :(</a>:
[QUOTE]ThOn a side note, I called her baker on Monday and left a voice mail, and she still hasn't called me back.  I'm thinking I made the right decision!
Posted by AngieB6[/QUOTE]

Well, if she's unreliable about returning phone calls, then you have a good reason to give FMIL about not using her for the cakes.  Unless there's an emergency on her part, she sounds unprofessional.