Cold Feet

mkarns

Anyone? I'm curious after talking with one of my girlfriends. Her FI expressed to her that he didn't know if he was doing the right thing. That I thought was awful...You're not sure unless you're sure is my thinking...Don't tell someone that you aren't sure if you might change your mind later.

I personally have experienced cold feet. It went away, but I'm getting married in less than 3 months and I'm considering having someone block the doorway. I can run fast in pumps- believe me. I hope that my heart can help my brain do what's right. I have a good man and I am lucky to have him.

NO criticism, please. I'd just like to know whether other women who are clearly excited about their wedding plans are equally as excited about their married lives.

Dreamaaa

I think in any human there is doubt. All the "what ifs" though at the end of the day you know you love your fiance and want to spend the rest of your life. Marriage scares me to death.

1. There are not many marriages these days that last.
2. What if he is a bad husband, father etc.
3. What if I am a terrible wife, mother etc.
4. What if one of us dies at a young age

The truth is none of us know what the future holds. Therefor you have to step into your marriage deteremined that whatever happens will work out the way it was ment to be!

Dreamaaa

Oh, Another thing. There is a difference in having codl feet and flat out just not knowing whether you really want to get married. Try not to compare yourlsef to others relationships!

Dreama

laudanum1

No judgement or criticism here, but here's my personal opinion:

A person should be just as happy - if not more so - thinking about their marriage & future life as husband & wife than about their wedding. If they're not, then it might be time to take a good look inside themselves & examine what that person is in love with: the idea of getting married or the person they're about to spend the rest of their lives with.

The wedding is just one day; it's a big celebration where you share the start of your new life w/ your spouse. Make sure you're happy with the partnership it creates. That's the part that has the potential to last forever

Dreamaaa

laudanum1,

I completely agree! Some one who is constantly second guessing shouldn't be getting married.

I'm extremely blessed to have found such an amazing person. I couldn't even begin to imagine my life without him!

jon_elle

No judgement, no criticism.

When my FI proposed...the first thing, yes the first thing I said was...WE HAVE TO GET COUNSELING!! Well, I didn't scream it, but that was the first thing I said. Then I said "sure".  I know. So romantic.

My FI and I live together and I know that we have some things to work on. Communication especially. We need to do it better. So we are going to couple therapy and will be getting pre-marital counseling from the officiant. The thing that freaked me out was with marriage, at least for me, there is no escape hatch. Once I am married...we are in it. Done and done. No loopholes, no going back to my place. Nope...it is official and that's all there is to it. I don't intend to get divorced. My parents have been married for 51 years going on 52. I want that kind of logevity and committment in my marriage. None of us are perfect but I know that my FI makes me a better person. I make him a better man and together...we are surely a force to be reckoned with. Oh and he makes me laugh.

I think going through the process of couple counseling will certainly get to the root of is it cold feet...or if the wrong decision is being made...or if more time is needed to sort things out.

Bottom line...be true to you. Like I tell my friends....I have all of the way up to "Do you?" to decide "I don't". I know that the ones that love me are more concerned with my happiness than with losing money.

Namaste.

Maria&Adam

Agreed. I think that it's natural to have some little doubts here and there but that overall you should have a genuine excitement about spending the rest of your life with someone! I think couples counseling is a fabulous idea and something that my FI and I are talking about.

Our situation is a little different than most as he has a long term illness that we know will likely lead to difficulty walking, etc. So, I feel like I know way more about what our future is going to be like than most brides... and, I know that I'm ready to take on whatever comes our way. That doesn't mean that I don't worry about how I will feel if/when the day comes that he can no longer keep up with me. But, if I didn't have that thought now and then, I'd be crazy. At the end of the day, I still know that my life is so much better with him in it than without him. I found my soulmate and I'm ready for everything that marriage brings....

now, if I could just get him to make the bed and clean the dishes!