Getting Cold Feet?!?

marcjessica

OK im having a situation that i dont know if its just me or if everyone experiences this....Im doubting that i shouldnt get married...and i know most people are thinking "THEN DONT DO IT" and i have said those same exact words to alot of my friends that have already taken the plunge into marriage...My FI and I NEVER fight we have an amazing relationship but i have been the type of girl to date alot of guys...and when i get bored i move on, i feel i am ready to settle down and start a life with the man i am so madly in love with but am i ready to spend the rest of my life with him? I keep thinking what if i get bored or what if he doesnt peek my interest 10yrs down the road i know divorce is not even in my vocabulary so im very scared...I have been engaged before and thank God i got out of that relationship...I dont know if im just getting cold feet as the wedding approaches or if i should call it off! HELP!!

nightmare_of_beauty

Maybe you should try some couple's therapy. It could help you understand what you're feeling and it would be good for your FI to know. I think everyone gets a bit of "I'm going to spend forever with this person?" once weddings start getting closer, you've just got to decide if he really is the person for you, or if there could be someone else out there.

Nov08Bride

I don't know your situation and no one knows your feelings but you.  But I do know this:  Even when it is SO difficult, it is always best to listen to your gut.  Listen to yourself.  You are the only one who truly knows you.

cschuma2

I didn't really get the whole cold feet about my husband being the "right one", I just got a little nervous about moving on to a new step in my life.  It scared me to think that I was never going to have another first date... another first kiss... etc. I sat down with my husband a few months before the wedding and expressed this to him.  He then pointed out to me that there were just different firsts in our future now.  (First home, first child, and many more.)  I felt so much better after talking to him.My best advice would be to sit down with your husband to be and just get your feelings off of your chest.  After talking, your feelings likely will be resolved... or you may find out that some things need to be post poned and you need more time to think things over.   Either way, it's better than letting the wedding approach with that uneasy feeling about everything.

SarahNTyler

Before my FI I was just like you.  Once the guy I was interested in was interested in me I moved on and then my FI came along.  We're going on 7 years together!  I'm sure writing this post was hard for you...I don't know you personally, but I'm sure your totally in love with your FI and feel guilty just having these thoughts because sometimes I do too!  But then I ask myself not if I am ready to spend the rest of my life with him but rather if I am ready to spend the rest of my life WITHOUT him and you know what I'm NOT!  I love my FI!  I'm not sure if that helps, but I am sure it's nice to know your not alone.

Buckeyegirl0720

It's natural to be nervous. I'm like you...Divorce is not in my vocabulary. I vowed to myself that I was only going to get married once. I think the most important thing is not to focus so much on the things that might happen "i.e. you getting bored with him" You need to focus on what you can both do to keep your relationship constantly evolving and growing. Don't look at marriage as something negetive...you're not giving up your freedom...your gaining forever companionship and belonging. You're giving your self to each other for safe keeping, after all thats what the word committment means. I never doubted wanting to get married to my husband. I always knew that he was the one that I wanted to give my life to. I know that he will keep me on my toes and help our relationship grow. I think maybe this poem will help you...it was one of the readings at our wedding. WHY MARRIAGE? ~ By: Mari Nichols-Haining ~Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person,With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body...Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,Who won't hold them against me,Who loves me when I'm unlikable,Who sees the small child in me, andWho looks for the divine potential of me...Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the nightWith someone who thanks God for me,With someone I feel blessed to hold...Because marriage means opportunityTo grow in love in friendship...Because marriage is a disciplineTo be added to a list of achievements...Because marriages do not fail, people failWhen they enter into marriageExpecting another to make them whole...Because, knowing this,I promise myself to take full responsibilityFor my spiritual, mental and physical wholenessI create me,I take half of the responsibility for my marriageTogether we create our marriage...Because with this understandingThe possibilities are limitless.     If this is what you have....what you think your relationship will yield...then don't give up. But if you are having serious doubts...talk with your fiance...maybe he has the same fears...or maybe there are deeper issues you both need to think about.Good Luck!!! I wish you Love and Happiness!!!

marcjessica

Thanks girls....all of it really helped...I know i love my FI and want to spend the rest of my life with him but i guess like some of you said its just nervousness...I cant live with out my FI if i dont talk to him or dont see him all day i truly miss him and want to be with him...I guess the whole thing is the life long commitment not that im scared of it but i dont want to fail...I have seen my sister go thru a very nasty divorce and i never want to do that...I like the thought of the "new first" that we will share together...that made me look at this whole thing differently...I loved being single and going on first dates or just the thought of liking someone and getting butterflies the whole new beginning of a relationship and i guess if i think of it i constantly get those butterflies just when i see my FI smile at me or tell me how beautiful he thinks i am....I guess if anything i am blessed to have a wonderful man that loves me for me and tries to please every need i have! Not long ago my FI left for Tennessee for his aunts funeral he was gone for a week and i literally thought i was going to die...i missed him like crazy and couldnt really talk to him due to everything that was going on down there and i know how much it killed me so i guess i just need to think back to those times and that reassures me that he is the one for me!I have talked to him about it and it scared him which i wasnt trying to do i was just expressing my feelings and my biggest concern is getting bored...But i know first hand that relationships take alot of work and im definitely willing to put in the effort...God blessed me with a great man and the last thing i want to do is live with out him......Sorry just some random thoughts! :-)

mamboqueen

I know I will be the odd man out here, so don't start throwing rocks at me!You say you love him and that you have an amazing relationship with him. And you are willing to throw this away because you think you *might* get bored? Seriously, girl, you need a reality check!There are a lot of things that *could* happen. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow! Second guessing is normal. IF you have a reason for it. In your case I'd say count your blessings and start making it up to FI