Family drama. long

Carly_Jamesy

I posted this on the wedding woes board to, but I thought I'd see what you girls think.  I need some neutral opinions to help me.

 

My wedding is in November and I have nothing booked because my FI and I can’t agree on where to hold the wedding.  Our Parents live 3 hours apart and our extended families live further.

 

At first my parents couldn’t help us at all financially, and his parents told us they would pay for the whole thing if we had it in their city.  I was not happy about this since I have gone to my church my whole life and my pastor would not be able to marry us because it’s across state lines.  So, after about a year of being on hold, my parents are doing better and now want to pay for about 2/3.  However, FI doesn’t care and is only thinking about the ease for his family and is not considering the travel expenses of my family.  Either way one side is going to have to travel and the other side will have it a little easier.

 

I feel that FI is on his mom’s side and not mine, and I don’t like being 2^nd.  I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.  My mom is trying to stick up for me but it’s starting to feel like she’s pulling me and refusing any compromise, which is just confusing me more.  I’m afraid I’m going to have to postpone it further or break it off.  So any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated, sorry for being so long.

kellyandtim1

Wow, it's got to be very frustrating for you.  I'd say that maybe you guys start pre marital counseling now.  If your pastor is far away, I would find someone here to do it and maybe with someone's assistance you guys can figure this out or get to a compromise.  Maybe with a 3rd party it will help you both see each other's side as to why what they want matters so much.  And mentally set a drop dead date, if this issue isn't settled by then, postpone the date until it is settled.  It will all def work itself out in the end and what's meant to be, will be.  Keep us posted! 

planning4neice

This is what it says on The Knot etiquette section:

 The key is to think about your guests and what will be easiest for them. If guests are coming from both towns, it makes sense to plan the wedding for an in-between location. However, there are more factors involved than just how long it takes to get to your ceremony and reception sites (like whether you like the site options in one town or the other, for example), so you might end up choosing to have the entire celebration in your town, or in the groom's town. A bride getting married in her hometown is traditional, but it's not mandatory.

Can you have it somewhere in between?  If his family is paying for most of the wedding that's the tricky part because if everything else with your wedding is traditional, like if his parents were only paying for alcohol and rehearsal dinner I would push to have it in your home town.  But if they are paying for most of the wedding you may be a little stuck.  We had our ceremony in my home town and the reception in my husbands home town but they are only 40 minutes apart. 
Can you do it somewhere inbetween where it would still be in your state and your pastor can attend??

Carly_Jamesy

Thanks everyone for your advice.  I was able to solve the issue.  It turned out he was so determined that it should be in his town that he didn't understand that my parents are now paying for a lot of the wedding, which totally changed his mind on where it should be.  I live right on the edge of Michigan and he lives south of Cleveland, so there is no where inbetween that my pastor can marry us.  After we solve the communication issue we agreed that it should be in my home town which means I'm getting married in Monroe, MI and we're having the reception in Toledo (probably).