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am I wrong?

mariahm90mariahm90 member
First Comment
in Ohio-Toledo
every since I announced my engagement so called bestfriend/ maid of honor have been distant she doesnt do anything to help with the wedding barely talks to me or anything so I just figured our friendship has run her course so since she claims shes too busy to see me I sent her an text just letting her know how I feel the first time in october and still no change so I did I sent another one today pretty much telling since shes busy she can just relieve her self of her duties because I dont want to look back at my wedding pix like sheesh what ever happened to her. and my whole wedding has been about everyone else and what they want I even let them choose their own dresses and I just feel its time I start worrying about my day since its in 104 days.
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Re: am I wrong?

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    christieepchristieep
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Although people didn't distance themselves so much from me, everyone definitely helped a lot less than I expected when it came to my wedding.  There are multiple reasons this happens I think, sometimes they just don't want to step on your toes, other times they resent your happiness, and sometimes unfortunately they just don't care.

    Maybe you could go out to lunch or dinner with her and talk about how you feel.  Perhaps she doesn't know what is expected of her.  Don't forget to put your friendship before the wedding, be sure to ask her about what is going on in her life.  If you want the friendship to last beyond your wedding put that first.  If something is bugging her, rejuvenating your friendship may help her to talk about it.

    And no matter what....stay excited, these last 104 days are going to go fast!  Have fun being a bride!
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    CoCo'sMommyCoCo'sMommy
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My best friend and I  are both getting married. I will tell you now she and my mother in law have been the most helpful in this whole wedding ordeal. I think this is because they have both been planning weddings recently. My best friend is getting married this year and my mother in law just planned my sister in laws wedding. I think some people dont realize how much work it is (I know my fiance definately does not know) Just flat out ask. Can you go with me X day At Y time to look at dresses etc. Its your day so you need to speak up if you need help.
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    cschuma2cschuma2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Listen to Christie.  She has great advice for you.

    The only job of your wedding party is to buy the appropriate attire, and to show up and smile for your wedding day.  They are not obligated to help you plan, shop, throw showers, bachelor(ette) parties, etc.  If they do those things, then that's awesome.  If you need help with things, rely on your FI.

    If you ask someone to step down from being in your wedding, you're risking an entire friendship.  Be prepared that the relationship may never be fixed.

    She should be your friend first, maid of honor second.  Have a girls day and try to make things better.  Don't mention your wedding and ask her about her life.  She could have her own issues to deal with.

    Lastly, Remember...
    No one will ever care about your wedding as much as you do.  Don't hold it against your MOH if she doesn't share your interest/enthusiasm with your wedding.
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    courtney1188courtney1188 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What exactly should they be helping with? I know that as the bride it's really easy to get wrapped up in planning, but it is not your bridesmaids job to be a wedding planner. All that is really required is that they buy the dress and show up on time the day of the wedding. One thing I would consider is when you contact her, do you ask her about herself and what's going on in her life, or do you tend to go on and on about the wedding?

    No one is going to be as excited about the wedding as you are. But it sounds like it's too late to fix the situation if you already sent her a passive-agressive text about relieving her of her "duties".
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    mariahm90mariahm90 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone I guess I was just being a little immature plus everything is stressful enough and how she acted was just hurting my feelings. I apologized but no respond so I guess ill have to replace her after all but I guess its just a part of life.
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    cschuma2cschuma2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Mariah,

    Something else to keep in mind is that you don't have to replace her at all.  You don't have to have even sides.  You don't have to designate a different BM as your MOH.  I didn't have a MOH... just bridesmaids.

    Anyone that you ask to be in your wedding now may feel like a second rate BM as they will know that they were not originally asked.  If it were me, I would just feel like a body filling a place for pictures, not like I was really wanted in the bridal party.

    This is a really delicate situation, so I definitely wish you luck with whatever approach you take.  I still hope you can resolve your issues with your original MOH.
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    mariahm90mariahm90 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    THanks so much I was thinking the same thing about asking some one else also.
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