Kind of having a meltdown - FI & guest addresses

chicadelpadre

FI won't ask his parents for addresses of family he would like invited & is telling me to e-mail his mom a list and his dad a list.

I feel like I've gotten the addresses for people I want there and he should do the same. Maybe I should also mention that I was the one who sent FB msgs - individually, none of that group message crap - to the family he has on FB and asked for theirs, so really he hasn't gotten many of the addresses for his guests. Am I wrong?

I guess my problem is that he keeps saying it's "your (my) wedding" and he's staying out of it - so then are all the guests mine? Maybe I'm just having a "wedding is getting close" meltdown :-(

And we're mailing out our invites in about/less than a month, so we kind of need them like yesterday so my aunt can do the envelopes.

Just beat some sense into me because I'm tired of everything being my (well my mom, sis, aunt have been helping too) responsibility & I need a reality check.

christieep

It sucks when your FI won't help.  I would say to go ahead and e-mail his parents the lists, but make him follow up with them often (with phone calls) to make sure that they are getting these addresses together.

I think every bride has a meltdown (or two or five) as the day approaches.  Everything is so important to you and not so important to everyone else.  I don't know if there is any solace in this, but every bride goes through that.  Somehow or other things will work out.  I'll keep my fingers crossed that everything works out!

chicadelpadre

Thanks. I think I'll do that tomorrow. I'll e-mail his mom and print out a list for his dad and then they'll have it and it's on someone else's shoulders.

I think this is technically my second meltdown - my first was over a bridesmaid who didn't get her dress in time, but then my fluke they got her size back in stock (we ordered from Macy's, so not a traditional bridesmaids dress), and she was able to order it.

literarymuse

Ditto what Christie said.

You may also want to have a conversation with your FI about the fact that this is both yours and his wedding. The whole point of this event is for the two of you to get married. Don't attack him, though. Make sure to try and figure out why he feels that it's your wedding.

chicadelpadre

He just doesn't care about the details - he would rather go to the courthouse, but a church wedding is important to me. He's been taking a more passive groom role and doesn't really want anything to do with the planning. I, however, want to make sure that because it's his wedding too and his family will be there too that I don't do anything that might upset them (ie, what alcohol to serve, who to get flowers for, etc.).

literarymuse

So what's he doing when you're asking him about stuff? Is he just shutting down? Saying he doesn't care? Ignoring you?

chicadelpadre

It depends on what I'm asking him about. Sometimes he kind of shuts down and sometimes he says he doesn't care, whatever I want.