NGISR: please help me

atobias1

sorry if I have kinda been a post hog today ladies.I need some help on this one. (I really just prob need fi to tell me to "get over it" in the magical way only he can)My roomie is one of my besties and my MOH. I love her, shes the awesomeness... However... lately. I kinda want to kill her.She does a couple of small things that just get to me like leaving doors open and lights on. I dont want to talk to her about it bc there are bigger fish I am frying with her right now. i.e. leaving the fridge open  and leaving doors unlocked (admittedly she has gotten a lot better about these) I am hesitant to talk to her about some of the other stuff bc I don't want her to feel like I nag her all the time.Then there's this. I just need to get over this I know. Her BF works for our local NFL team. Shes always saying "hey if you need tickets let us know we can set you up" so we have some mutual friends, they were talking about a specific game they wanted. i mentioned to talk to her bf about it on the  weekend that all of us as a group went to the lake. After said weekend she said something to me about them bugging him for tickets. Let the record show I didn't hear them ask more than once all weekend..... needless to say theres nothing he can do.It bothers me she used that as a way to brag that 'hey my bf works for the nfl'i just need to let it go but i am having a hard time. Any advice? anyone want to give me a good swift kick in the rear?? anyone? anyone?

lizzytish1002

no rear kicking here, but I have to say it is good to talk about stuff. I worked in housing for colleges for too many years and if there's one thing I learned it is not to sweat the small stuff, but really? Don't just shrug things off - especially the big stuff. So I'd say try to let the little stuff go but approach her about the bigger stuff like this ticket thing in a non-confrontal way - like "hey I'm sorry if you thought they were 'bugging' you about tickets I thought they just asked the one time and I never would have mentioned it if you hadn't offered in the past" The thing about this stuff is - it builds up and builds up and there are 2 ways it ends 1. you blow up on your bestest over an open cubbord, spilling the last month of complaints or 2. you get stressed and miserable = bad for the mid section. Focus on the good stuff, mostly I know it just feels good to vent to someone other than your FI and I'm glad you have this board for that. GL with things!

atobias1

tnx lizzy!

iamjoesgurl

I agree with Lizzy. I would probably clear the air about the tickets. I would also explain to her that you would really appreciate if she would turn the lights off when she leaves the room because it is a waste of electricity to leave them on when she is not in the room. (or something like that) I think it is all in the way you approach things. My FI used to drive me nuts about things that were "small stuff" but when I finally decided to talk to him about it, I was able to be calm and explain why I felt the way I did. (For example, "When you finish your shower, I would really like it if you could hang the wet towel over the shower because if it sits on the floor, I'm afraid it will start smelling like mildew and I really would like to keep the towels smelling fresh." See - stupid, right?) Then after that conversation, I would every once in a while praise him for hanging up the towel (positive reinforcement). He has never left the towels on the floor again! Make sure that you are positively reinforcing her new behaviors (locking the door, closing the fridge door, etc.). "I've noticed that you've been remembering to lock the door and I just wanted to say that I really appreciate it. It makes me feel more safe." HTH! (And I hope it doesn't sound corny!)

atobias1

Actually joesgirl I really like the idea of positive reinforcement. its not something I had thought about before. that was a great tip thank you.