Worried about obese boyfriend

alderhebel

Hi,

I am worried about my boyfriend. He is quite a bit older than me (30 yr age gap) and obese.
Pic here
I keep worrying about his health - that he might have a stroke, heart attack, develop diabetes etc. He already has arthritis (a rare autoimmune form which started in his teens so not caused by weight) and I'm sure his weight makes the pain worse - he has a lot of back pain. He has high cholesterol and used to smoke a lot. Thankfully he stopped smoking 10 years ago.

There are a lot of exercises he can't do due to his joint pain (and probably his size & poor fitness level), but he does enjoy walking and cycling - but he can only cycle when his back isn't playing up. I run and do yoga and we don't really enjoy the same sports.

I do find him attractive and have no problems aesthetically with his size. We sometimes have good sex, but there are positions we can't do because his belly gets in the way. He sometimes has erectile dysfunction and I suspect this is due to many factors including his weight (causing hormonal disruption and perhaps metabolic syndrome), being an ex smoker and high cholesterol (perhaps suggestive of poor vascular health).

I have discussed everything above with him many times but he still hasn't made enough changes to his diet and lifestyle. He hears the dangers, but he doesn't seem to have really taken in how bad his weight is for his health.

I have come to realise that I'm not sure I want a long term relationship with him if he still won't lose some weight and become healthier. I don't want him to be slim or muscular, I just don't want him to have a stroke, be in pain all the time or die prematurely. Even if he was in the overweight weight range, rather than the obese range I'm sure this would have a huge improvement on his health and he would feel better.

How can I marry or have children with someone who may not be alive or able to look after a family?

what can I do?