Get Comfy - the non-GIS vent is LONG

jennylee813

Okay, here it is. I posted a bit about it on Snarky a while back, so if I'm reapeating myself; sorry.

My sister and I don't speak. Short version: she's in an abusive marriage, and the last time she asked me for help to get out, I did a lot to arrange stuff for her. He chased her  down the highway (kids in the back of the car, btw), she eventually pulled over, they talked it out and she went back with him. Didn't bother to let any of us know where she was, and took the kids to a birthday party... When I finally tracked her down by phone (they were living 7 hours away so it wasn't easy), she told me they fixed it, and she was going to stay because SHE DIDN'T WANT TO END UP LIKE ME. (divorced)

That was the last time we spoke, three years ago.

Anywho ...

Last week mom called for a chat and asked me if I was inviting sis to the wedding. When I said I was undecided, she started to cry.

Today mom called to say she got the package I sent her. In that package was a form that my dad was supposed to fill out. I asked him if he would perform our ceremony - he is a ship's captain, but there is one piece of paperwork that he could complete to be allowed to legally perform the ceremony. He said he'd like to do it when we talked about it. Today he said it was too much paperwork and he's not willing to do it.

The icing on the cake: fb message from my sister asked if we can 'talk things out' and 'end the foolishness'.

Now I'm scrambling to find an officient because it's too much trouble for my own father to be bothered, mom's going to up the pressure to get my sister invited to the wedding, where she'll try to 'fix' everything with us, and it's taking every bit of my willpower not to put a fist through my computer screen...

And we've had almost no internet or phone for four days at home.

I'm usually a pretty levelheaded, logical kind of person, but I'm losing my cool in a major way right now.

Thanks for reading.

Lobsters25

Ugh, I am so sorry!  Family can really blow, this we know too well in my house.  I hope you don't let everyone else's bs get the best of you - it's never worth the stress!

Where are you located?  Maybe your local board can help find you an officiate?

jennylee813

Thanks, Lobsters.

I've got a list of officiants here and will start calling on Monday. It's more about the overwhelming disappointment - initially he led me to believe that he was touched and excited to do this... I think he's going to call back and say that he'll do it IF I invite my sister. (yeah, there's been blackmail in the past)

It won't matter; by Monday evening I will hopefully have someone booked and it won't matter.

This is why I wanted to elope.

ETA: Sorry, I forgot. I live in Labrador and the wedding is in Newfoundland. There's nothing going on on the Canadian board for me, but I've got lots of names. The government has a great website.

lovelyheather

I am really sorry that you are dealing with all this family drama.  It's amazing how easily family members can push our buttons. 

To be clear, my situation is nothing like yours at all, but my sister and I went through a period where we didn't really talk either.  It has taken a lot of work, but we have slowly been rebuilding our relationship.  But it was definitely something that we needed to work through ourselves and not with interference/black mail from our parents.  I hope you are able to get everything sorted out and have a relatively stress free wedding with your FI. 

I'm sorry that I don't have any real advice to offer, but I am always here if you want to rant/chat about wedding stress.

SunriseAmber

Hey, I know you posted this last night and I hope you're feeling better today. I am so very sorry that you are going through this with your family.

I'm not inviting my mother or my mothers side of the family to my wedding because of history of abuse and I haven't spoken to any of them in over a year. I know this is hard and even harder because you have family pressuring you but you should remember that this is YOUR wedding. It's between you and your FI. I agree with the PP that you should try to have a stress free wedding and if that means not inviting certain family members then so be it.

You will get through this. Stick to what your gut is telling you and if your father doesn't want to be the officiant for your wedding then ultimately it's his loss.

If you need/want to talk, feel free to PM me any time. Good luck!

jennylee813

Thanks, ladies. I do feel better today, and know that it's our day and my family can only ruin it if I let them. On the up side, I took a lot of my frustrations out on my weights this morning! I still haven't decided what I'm going to do about the email; she sends them from time to time and I typically ignore them, but part of me thinks its time to have my say once and for all to move on for good. Although honestly, I still don't see her getting the hint. My first instinct was to send her a nasty, lay it all on the line message, but I chose to sleep on it. I'm still considering it though. Edit: I hope you can see paragraphs, I'm posting from my phone. Sorry!