Getting in Shape

Rant...Whine...Call it what you may...

SO definitely not on topic of GIS, but -

FI has been married once before. He was married for a very short time, because his ex cheated her way through their ENTIRE relationship/marriage. While they were still married, though, they bought a house together. They were officially divorced in 2008. 

Fast forward to 2010 - FI and I meet, start dating, etc. At that time, I had a BEAUTIFUL studio apartment in a little historic 110 year old building about 30 mins from FI's house. Once we got more serious, we were staying the night together more often and stuff, we both realized that we were spending way too much $ on gas driving back and forth multiple times per day (going to and from work, FI leaving to take care of his 2 dogs, etc) and we came to the decision that I would give up my apt and move in with FI. We both felt ready to make this commitment, and I was sad to leave my apt, but I knew that there was no way we could live in my studio with his 2 dogs.

We were both very anxious to get out of his house at that time, and move into something of "our own" since his house was previously shared by his ex and himself. We put the house on the market for 1 year, and it didn't sell. So we decided to do some renovations and eventually try to sell it again. Here we are 3 years later, and we are still living in his and his ex's house! :(

We have done a TON of renovations to the house to make it more "ours" but it still bugs me that she lived there and a lot of his old furniture and stuff was "theirs". Part of me thinks it's childish for me to think like this, but I so badly want a house that FI and I pick out together, and get new furniture together, etc. I have voiced this to FI, and he feels the same way, but he is afraid that if we just rush to sell it we won't make a profit off the house (he bought it for really cheap as a foreclosure), and him taking a loss on it isn't an option.

We talked the other day, and agreed to stay in the house for a few more years to finish renovating, and then hopefully sell it for way more $. But it saddens me that we are getting married in August and won't be starting our lives together in a house of our own. :(

Am I crazy for feeling this way (honestly)? Or can any of you ladies relate? Ugh...some days I don't think about it, but then there are days like today when I think a lot about it and it makes me sad.
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Rant...Whine...Call it what you may...

  • Libby... I know how you feel. Part of me would want a new house and a new place to call your own but did you ever thing about keeping it and redoecorating it to make it yours and his and not his and hers?
    Part of me would want out, I get that!!!
    Part of me knows how expensive houses are and would want to spend money on making it mine and knowing you have a good place now...
    Your not crazy and I see your side... But you have to think whats best long term.

    I hope this helps!

    Getting Hitches 08/09/2014

  • Thanks nike - that does put it into perspective a little more. In the back of my mind, I know that waiting it out will be best in the long run...guess I need to work a little more on my patience. Frown
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Oh trust me, I do too!!! I get where your coming from. I want a place of my own too.... But if it helps you for the long term, enjoy it and know your with him now and thats all that matters.

    Im sorry I cant be more help

    Getting Hitches 08/09/2014

  • You're a ton of help! :) I appreciate you ladies on here - I don't have many girl friends anymore, and it's nice to know that I can post something on here and get feedback from you all.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Well, besides it being part of him and his ex's house, we actually would like to move to a different area, and actually into a smaller house. Right now we are living in a 4 bed, 3 bath, and it is too much upkeep for us, way too much utility-wise, etc. not to mention we don't need that much space just for the two of us. Forgot to mention that in the earlier post. :) So that's the MAIN reason we want to move. The fact that it was him and ex's house just makes me want to move that much quicker.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I have to agree with Stage on this - I would just be over the moon to be living in a house and not an apartment!

    Do little things, but don't sink too much money into the house if you don't really plan to stay. Your ROI probably won't be that great if it's in an economically depressed area.

    I think switching out the furniture that was "theirs" though is totally do-able and would help make it feel more like YOURS and his place.
  • I can sort of see both sides. I would definitely want to do things to make it "our" home not "their" home, but I think that could be accomplished through minor aesthetic changes. Of course, if renovating increases the value for future sale, that's just bonus. 

    Ultimately, the more equity you have in your home currently, the better off you'll be in the future when you're able to shop for a new home, and being solid financially is a great foundation for a marriage. Just think of it filling your current house with your good relationship karma for it's next owners. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards