Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Changing Traditional Vows?

My FI & I are meeting with the deacon at our Church next Sunday discuss having our ceremony there. I am really excited to meet with him as to me the ceremony is the most important part of the day. However, we plan on getting married in the Catholic church, and they are quite strict on rules.

One of the main things we want is to change a part of the traditional vows... Instead of "til death do us part" we more prefer "forever and ever"--or something, to that effect. We simply believe that death will NOT do us part--so we want to change that in our vows. In all honesty, as silly as it sounds, this could be a dealbreaker in our ceremony location. We are strong in our faith and beliefs and want to assure our ceremony reflects that.

SO--has anyone had similiar issues? I'm worried that because the church is so strict, that we will have a problem. Personally, I'd like to let the deacon know when we meet him. So, if he isn't ok with that, we can at least look elsewhere. Has anyone been married in the catholic church and changed around their vows slightly?

I realize this seems like a small issue--but, we simply want the ceremony to reflect the way we feel about marriage and our lives. Thanks :)
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Re: Changing Traditional Vows?

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    edited December 2011
    Yes yes and yes!! I'm sorry I can't give advice as far as what the church or pastor will think about this, but I'm relieved to see a post like this!!! I feel exactly the same way and was trying to explain to my fiance why I thought we needed to cut the "til death due us part" I also believe we will be together after death and I dont want the mention of death in our vows!! Even as long as we both shall live feels the same to me but is a slightly better alternative. I have thought about just stopping it at "from this day forward" but still a little undecided. I like "forever and always" it kinda has a ring to it.

    Because its a catholic church they might be strict on what they say, but I cant imagine they would flat out tell you No, but maybe i'm wrong. If you explain to them why you want it changed and what you want it changed to, i think they would have no problems with that.
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    edited December 2011
    Another point to add - if it is this important to you, which it sounds like it is, you should definately tell them when you meet. Because if saying it makes you want to look for other places, then thats probably what you should do and the sooner you know the better!
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    agapecarrieagapecarrie member
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    edited December 2011
    The Catholic Church believes that the marriage is ended at death. This is why one is free to marry someone else after their spouse dies. They don't believe there is marriage in heaven (like earthly marriage)...but the marriage of the communion of saints as the church to Christ. The purpose of marriage in the Catholic church is to help each other get to heaven. Once someone has died, the purpose is no longer needed. When one marries in the Catholic church, they are implyiing belief in this view.

    The vows as written are the correct form for a Catholic marriage rite. When one tries to change the form, this can invalidate the Sacrament. Unless you have a rogue deacon or priest, it is not likely this can be changed.
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    edited December 2011
    I'm in total agreement with you. I would rather use 'eternity' or something. I don't know much about Catholic rules when it comes to this, but I love you idea.
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    edited December 2011
    We're using "as long as we both shall live" instead of "til death do us part" - I think it sounds MUCH better! :-)

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