need advice 1st draft

rayna7679

Wedding vows:

I love you for all that you are

All that you have been

And all that you are yet to be.

From this day forward,

You shall not walk alone.

My heart will be your shelter,

And my arms will be your home.

These I Can Promise with pride.

I cannot promise you a life of sunshine;

I cannot promise riches, wealth, or gold;

I cannot promise you an easy pathway

That leads away from change or growing old.

But I can promise all my heart's devotion;

A smile to chase away your tears of sorrow;

A love that's ever true and ever growing;

A hand to hold in yours, through each tomorrow.

Yes, I'll Marry You.

nickimanny

"I love you for all that you are

All that you have been

And all that you are yet to be.

From this day forward,

You shall not walk alone.

My heart will be your shelter,

And my arms will be your home.

These I Can Promise with pride.

I cannot promise you a life of sunshine;

I cannot promise riches, wealth, or gold;

I cannot promise you an easy pathway

That leads away from change or growing old.

But I can promise all my heart's devotion;

A smile to chase away your tears of sorrow;

A love that's ever true and ever growing;

A hand to hold in yours, through each tomorrow.

Yes, I'll Marry You."

I like everything except the bold words.  I think 'These I can promise with pride' doesn't fit maybe you want to look at putting it somewhere else or re-wording it.  Also I feel like 'Yes I'll marry you'  also doesn't quite fit in because you've already said yes in the proposal. I think end in something like I'll love you forever would be more fitting.  But that's just my opinion.  Hope this helps!

rayna7679

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_vows_need-advice-1st-draft?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:24Discussion:5860c48b-2fd6-4d35-8649-94b2f9d10864Post:2bd53125-bcae-4621-a215-52cecf6b34be">Re: need advice 1st draft</a>:
[QUOTE]"I love you for all that you are All that you have been And all that you are yet to be. From this day forward, You shall not walk alone. My heart will be your shelter, And my arms will be your home. These I Can Promise with pride. I cannot promise you a life of sunshine; I cannot promise riches, wealth, or gold; I cannot promise you an easy pathway That leads away from change or growing old. But I can promise all my heart's devotion; A smile to chase away your tears of sorrow; A love that's ever true and ever growing; A hand to hold in yours, through each tomorrow. Yes, I'll Marry You." I like everything except the bold words.  I think 'These I can promise with pride' doesn't fit maybe you want to look at putting it somewhere else or re-wording it.  Also I feel like 'Yes I'll marry you'  also doesn't quite fit in because you've already said yes in the proposal. I think end in something like I'll love you forever would be more fitting.  But that's just my opinion.  Hope this helps!
Posted by nickimanny[/QUOTE]<div>
<div>that did help.... with vows ty.. i'll reword something there wasnt sure about the final line but thanks...

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