Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

In Defense of Traditional Vows

Have you been to a wedding Ceremony where the couple has written their own vows? I have.  In fact, they are the norm now, as every bride and groom decides that it's appropriate to express publicly every intimate thought and private notion in front of their family and friends.   I would like to tell you what it sounds like to someone listening; it reads like a middle school love letter, at best. Couples usually write their own vows because they want to be "original", however they do exactly the opposite by including overly sentimental clichés and corny metaphors lifted from a movie or greeting card, or worse, the Google results page.  It sounds overworked, phony and often borders on nauseating.  The inside jokes and cute little "isms" that you share with your future spouse aren’t funny or endearing to the audience, usually it just makes everyone uncomfortable.   Home written vows ramble on with no real focus and most don't even make a promise to their partner, which is the entire point of the "vow" to begin with. 


The traditional vow is a time honored classic for a reason.   It is a sworn oath, a sacred promise and it carries more dignity than home written vows inspired by “The Notebook”.  I want to take the same vow that my great grandparents took on their wedding day. I want to speak the same words that marked the beginning of marriages and love stories for generations before me.  But most of all, I don’t feel the need to turn the alter into my personal stage.

The wedding ceremony is exactly that, a ceremony.  It’s an occasion of ritual, protocol and convention.  You have the rest of your life to whisper sweet nothings in your spouse's ear, please spare us the sappy details.

 



Re: In Defense of Traditional Vows

  • Have you been to a wedding Ceremony where the couple has written their own vows? I have.  In fact, they are the norm now, as every bride and groom decides that it's appropriate to express publicly every intimate thought and private notion in front of their family and friends.   I would like to tell you what it sounds like to someone listening; it reads like a middle school love letter, at best. Couples usually write their own vows because they want to be "original", however they do exactly the opposite by including overly sentimental clichés and corny metaphors lifted from a movie or greeting card, or worse, the Google results page.  It sounds overworked, phony and often borders on nauseating.  The inside jokes and cute little "isms" that you share with your future spouse aren’t funny or endearing to the audience, usually it just makes everyone uncomfortable.   Home written vows ramble on with no real focus and most don't even make a promise to their partner, which is the entire point of the "vow" to begin with. 


    The traditional vow is a time honored classic for a reason.   It is a sworn oath, a sacred promise and it carries more dignity than home written vows inspired by “The Notebook”.  I want to take the same vow that my great grandparents took on their wedding day. I want to speak the same words that marked the beginning of marriages and love stories for generations before me.  But most of all, I don’t feel the need to turn the alter into my personal stage.


    The wedding ceremony is exactly that, a ceremony.  It’s an occasion of ritual, protocol and convention.  You have the rest of your life to whisper sweet nothings in your spouse's ear, please spare us the sappy details.

     

  • Excuse me if I'm wrong, but isn't my wedding supposed to be about the love my future husband and I share?  You may not like "home written vows" but I hardly think they come off as overworked, phony, nauseating or any of the other oh so wonderful adjectives you used.  I think it's wonderful when people write their own vows.  The cute little isms are what make us, well, US.  Everyone may not get it, but its not for everyone else.  The vows between him and I will be that. Our vows.  Not saying I love you 15 different ways. 

    My family and friends will be there, to see my sappy vows.  Clearly you should get out more often.  A wedding is a ceremony.  That does not dictate that it should be identical to every other ceremony performed.  That takes away from the day being OUR day, and being unique to us. 

  • I think to each their own :)   My fiance and I have decided that we would do the traditional vows at the ceremony and any personal vows we wanted to say, we would do so in a letter to eachother before the ceremony. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_vows_in-defense-of-traditional-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:24Discussion:ed542412-8fba-4ca1-96a6-9c7fe5c224dbPost:f5c1048f-57be-4499-9a94-6ba6dc9856a7">Re: In Defense of Traditional Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]Home written vows ramble on with no real focus and most don't even make a promise to their partner, which is the entire point of the "vow" to begin with.  The traditional vow is a time honored classic for a reason. 
    Posted by kate5485[/QUOTE]

    <div>This I agree with. Often it's a ramble about how much they love one another, which to me, is not the point of the vows. The rest of your post just sounds unusually bitter over something really kind of minor. Who cares what other people do at their wedding? It's THEIR wedding, not yours.</div><div>
    </div><div>I would like to write our own vows. I have some ideas based loosely around something I saw in a YouTube video (which I'm sure you think is awful). They are actual promises to one another.</div>
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  • I agree that you sound kind of bitter about something. Who cares if they sound like sappy middle schoolers in love? I, personally, think it's cute. As PP said, our closest family and friends willl be there to hear our sappiness. If you want to do traditional, that's fine. But I don't. IMHO I feel like there's more to us than just repeating lines someone tells us to. But that's just me.
  • I think this is less of a "Defense of Traditional Vows" and more of an "Attack on Homewritten Vows". I attended a wedding 2 weeks ago where the B&G wrote their own vows, where they actually VOWED things to one another, but they were personal and extremely touching. 
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  • Ceremonies can differ, and doing something for the sake of tradition really bothers me. However, if that's what floats your boat, go for it. I will happily be writing my own vows with future hubby. 
    She says, "This man's gonna be my death 'Cause he's all I ever wanted in my life." -Emilie Autumn 'Shalott'
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