Anyone have a slow moving fiance? Vent

gottadance64

My fiance is so easily overwhelmed - he takes forever to make any decisions - not just on wedding stuff on everything!  And, he's a procrastinator. Combine the two and it is a recipe for one slow mover. To be fair we do have a LOT on our plate - we're planning to sell my place and buy a new one soon (he wants a place that's "ours" and more room for his two college-aged kids so he refuses to push this back until post wedding); we are also adopting a baby (I was on the adoption waiting list when I met him and I'm now #1 on the list); and the wedding planning.

So right now, the house is in disarray as we're packing up stuff and moving stuff to make the house "show ready." He has a couple of things he needs to do to get licensed for the adoption. And there are wedding to-dos we need to work on. I could take these things and being the productive, take the bull by the horns person I am, whip these things out and get them done in one weekend. But he moves so slowly - it is excruciating for me.

I end up feeling frustrated like my hands are tied - and like I'm doing everything and I have to be the motivator/cheerleader - not fun.  Who wants to be the harping fiance - always reminding him about stuff? This weekend his kids were still home from college, so he wanted to spend more time with them before they go back- I can't begrudge him this; I love that he's a great dad. And we did get some boxes packed up and put in the garage - but it was a minor dent in everything we need to do. Then his brother had some issues and he needed to be there for him. This week his boss is in town. ARGHHHHH!!!!!! 

Anyone else have a slow-moving fiance? I want to pull my hair out. Please no comments on maybe he doesn't want to get married or is having cold feet - it's  not the case - he does this with everything. 

GoofyAssChick

With the seriousness of selling a home, and adoption I would be having a heart to heart with him about his lack of effort. Explain how much it means to both of you and that it pains you to see him not following through on what needs done. Throw some tears in for good measure. Nagging doesn't help. A calm serious talk is what you need.

mrskloop

I also have a slow moving FI. I finally realized if i set deadlines for him to do things then he will still wait until the last minute, but they will get done. I would just have a heart to heart with him especially about the adoption paperwork. I seriously cringe everytime my FI finally does something wedding realated and acts like he is so awesome for helping... as in he got an address from his friend, or he finally asked his groomsmen. I showed him my to do list and it really put things in perpective.

BostonGIrl4732

Here's where I'm coming from.  I wanted a simple wedding.  My FI wanted a more elaborate wedding.  We're having a much more traditional elaborate wedding than what I wanted.  And once the deposits were down, FI stopped helping because he got "busy".

I sat down with my FI and had a chat with him.  I explained that I was busy too and I had originally wanted a much simpler affair.  At this point, we're pretty much locked in to having a more fancy wedding.  I calmed explained that i understood that he was busy, but that I would no longer be doing things on my own for the wedding anymore.  I handed him his stack of Save the Dates, and a list of things that still needed to get done this month that I felt he should be able to handle and told him it's up to him at this point.  I also explained I'd be extremely disappointed if it didn't get done, as would he (he's supposed to call and book our honeymoon).

So I vote for sitting your FI down and telling him you need help.  Tell him specifically what you need done and ask him to do certain tasks.  Explain the deadlines and what happens if you don't make them.  If it's something he wants too, he'll work to make it happen.

Aliadee1984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2013-weddings_anyone-have-a-slow-moving-fiance-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:26a515ec-8009-4599-b81d-5edee3b3fb3cDiscussion:1b72d0bd-1d2d-4066-b121-1dc3398d800aPost:306fe63b-8f80-4aff-8a35-0702eedf00f8">Anyone have a slow moving fiance? Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance is so easily overwhelmed - he takes forever to make any decisions - not just on wedding stuff on everything!  And, he's a procrastinator. Combine the two and it is a recipe for one slow mover. To be fair we do have a LOT on our plate - we're planning to sell my place and buy a new one soon (he wants a place that's "ours" and more room for his two college-aged kids so he refuses to push this back until post wedding); we are also adopting a baby (I was on the adoption waiting list when I met him and I'm now #1 on the list); and the wedding planning. So right now, the house is in disarray as we're packing up stuff and moving stuff to make the house "show ready." He has a couple of things he needs to do to get licensed for the adoption. And there are wedding to-dos we need to work on. I could take these things and being the productive, take the bull by the horns person I am, whip these things out and get them done in one weekend. But he moves so slowly - it is excruciating for me. I end up feeling frustrated like my hands are tied - and like I'm doing everything and I have to be the motivator/cheerleader - not fun.  Who wants to be the harping fiance - always reminding him about stuff? This weekend his kids were still home from college, so he wanted to spend more time with them before they go back- I can't begrudge him this; I love that he's a great dad. And we did get some boxes packed up and put in the garage - but it was a minor dent in everything we need to do. Then his brother had some issues and he needed to be there for him. This week his boss is in town. ARGHHHHH!!!!!!  Anyone else have a slow-moving fiance? I want to pull my hair out. Please no comments on maybe he doesn't want to get married or is having cold feet - it's  not the case - he does this with everything. 
Posted by gottadance64[/QUOTE]



I do!! In fact, I've nicked named mine "Pokey Paulie" because he is always slow with everything- and to top it off - he's incredibly picky! This means little things that I just want to get done quick- I'll ask his opinion because it's his wedding too- and he'll suggest something else requiring an additional day- or two of research and reviews. It is quite frustrating, I can't wait to be posting my "checks!" I am setting a schedule with him, crossing fingers that we can get one thing done a weekend so that we truly don't run out of time.

APDSS22

I too have a slow poke.  He just realized we're inside of 8 months.  I've been telling him we don't have like anything actually done, even if we've talked about what we'd like and even which exact vendor we should book.  He promised me he'd have more time for wedding stuff this semester so I'm gonna be holding him to it.

jenifercharles

Yes my FI moves slow for no reason. I know him so I'm not even giving him hard task. All I want is for my to finish the guest list and get addresses. We are planning to start trying have a baby right after the wedding and he's having baby fever wanting to find a bigger house and he wants us to upgrade the car and I'm like dude lets get this wedding plan first before we get into all the other stuff. I keep saying one big thing at a time and he doesn't understand and his side of the guest list is still not finished.

samyl0u

My FI is just like that!  He thinks I'm overly-stressing about things that don't need to be done for 3 months (his examples included the guest list, save the dates, and the DJ)  I usually ask his opinion and then just do it myself.  I gave him the job of talking to his uncle (who is a DJ) about doing our wedding and it took him a month to "get around to it".  So frustrating!!  It stresses me out that I have to do most of it, but anytime I give him something to do with a deadline, it doesn't get done and if it doesn't, it's way past his deadline