Bachelorette Party

staceymutrup

So, I know this is way far out but I am a very planning type person, but I need some advice. My sister is my MOH and we are nothing alike, I am more laid back and am completely fine hanging out at home on weekends and my sister lives more upper class goes to wine tours and sailing, et.c stuff that I am completely not intereted in. My FI and I decided that we wanted to have our bachelor/bachelorette parties together. We hardly ever go out without eachother and dont see the point in just because we are getting married we need to go out and do stuff we normally do not do. So, we decided that during the day the girls can go have a spa day or do whatever and the guys can go golfing or whatever they want to do, then at night all of us plus whoever else wants to come can come to our house and just have a big party. Drinks, food, DJ, et.c My sister is completely against this and is saying there is no possible way that we are doing this for my bachelorette party, she said that a bachelorette party is suppose to be your last getaway without your man. Alot of other people thought this was a great idea, but a select few (mainly my sister) is very against it. We are willing to pay for the entire party ourselves too. What is everyones opinion on this? Am i being stuck up or rude for wanting this for MY bachelorette party?

mpickl

Joint parties are becomming more and more common, and if that's what you want, then darn it, you're the bride (and he's the groom), so you should get the party you want. When your sister gets/got married, she can do/did what she wants. It makes me wonder why she feels everyone can't have a good time all together. Maybe talk to her about that, share your feelings, but in the end put your foot down and tell her that it's going to happen your way.

ftrmrsw

Eee... I'm on the fence on this one. While I think you should let your sister know what you want. (Joint Party, Low Key, whatever). I think thats as far as you should get.

You should not be planning your own party. Your not even "entitled" to have a bachelorette party and its something your MOH & BM's throw for you.  IMO it should be a surprise with you having very little say about this.

Sorry, I know its not what you want to hear.

I have no idea what my FSIL/MOH is planning. The only thing I've said is no Fake Penis's. I want a classy party not a trashy party. Other than that.... I have no control or say.

staceymutrup

I expressed my feelings about it to her. My FI and I dont go to bars, we drink and all just not at bars,my FI does not like crowds at all and around my area thats what people do for bachelor(ette) parties is get a party bus and bar hop. We just are not that type of people. We have a large yard a big building and plenty of space for everyone so we like the idea. She thinks we need to go away for an entire weekend somewhere just the girls. I have said multiple times I do not want that but she just doesnt get it. My FSIL's are my very good friends which is how I met my FI and they like our idea and feel like they should step in and start planning since they know what I want. Not sure how to go about this since I planned my sisters bachelorette party exactly how she wanted it.

staceymutrup

I am all for them planning what goes on even at the joint party if they want. That is all that we requested we wanted. Not sure if I should just suck it up and do what my sister plans or really push what I (we) want. Cause what I was told my sister wants to do is nothing I would enjoy.

BostonGIrl4732

I'm with ftrmrsw on this one.  I think that you aren't "entitled" to a Bachelorette party and you sort of have to take what they give you.  I do think you can express preference over what you want, but that's up to your bridal party to decide.  Maybe there's a compromise in there somewhere?

Here's what I did.  My sister (MOH) and I are very different.  We have talked about the Bachelorette party.  I told her that I would love to go out for the night.  I also told her that I probably won't be drinking a lot (I don't handle alcohol very well) and that I wanted that to be respected (as in I don't want them to pressure me in anyway to drink).  I don't have a problem with going to a bar as long as they don't throw shots in my face all night.

I would much rather prefer to do something low key, but I know my sister is excited to plan something more wild.  I've also made the request that we try to have the parties on the same nights, if that's possible.  If it's not, then that's fine, but it's my (and my FIs) preference.  And she knows that if strippers are involved, she has to call my FI and tell him.  FI and I have an agreement about strippers and I'm passing that responsibility to her if she wants to surprise me.

So maybe you let your sister and bridesmaids throw you the party they want.  You tell them what you'd like, and you trust that they will respect you and dial things down a bit.  You go out with them and you have a great time.  You control your own actions and don't get bombed.  You have a good time with your girlfriends.  You and your FI throw another party another time that's what YOU want.  It doesn't have to be a bachelorette party and actually shouldn't be.  Just have a pre-wedding celebration with your bridal party as a thank you for all their hard work.  Or you find another compromise that works for you.  That's just my two cents.  I know it's probably not what you wanted to hear.  :-(

Good luck!  At the end of the day you'll still get to marry your FI.  You might have to have one party that you don't LOVE but then again you do get to plan the wedding (and it should be what you and your FI want right?) and that's the more important party!

staceymutrup

Thanks Boston Girl that is a good idea.

mpickl

Ok, yes, I agree that the person throwing the party ultimately has the say in what they want to do, but... Why wouldn't they want that to be what the bride and groom wants, too??

staceymutrup

I guess I should have said from the beginning I told my entire bridal party I didnt even want a bachelorette party and was told that I had to, thats why I am a lil on the edge about everything because if it was up to me I wouldnt even have one!

BostonGIrl4732

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2013-weddings_bachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:26a515ec-8009-4599-b81d-5edee3b3fb3cDiscussion:6d42f230-0a41-4a3d-87d8-4a8169d9a605Post:21771e10-b275-41df-a85e-0d6f9c801ccf">Re: Bachelorette Party</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I should have said from the beginning I told my entire bridal party I didnt even want a bachelorette party and was told that I had to, thats why I am a lil on the edge about everything because if it was up to me I wouldnt even have one!
Posted by staceymutrup[/QUOTE]

<div>If you don't want one, you don't have to have one.  Don't let anyone talk you into something you don't want to do...  Good luck!!! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /></div>

jessica2244

I think that everyone is missing the point here. The bachelorette party is all about YOU, seeing as how YOU are the bachelorette. I think that your sister should respect your wishes. Your bachelorette party shouldn't be spent doing what SHE wants. If she takes issue with it - her invite can be in the mail. You said you were paying for it anyway! I think it's great that people want to help out and surprise you and what not but i think people really tend to forget that it's all about you and your FI, not them. Good luck

GoofyAssChick

My FI and I talked early on that we didn't want crazy bachlorette/bachelor parties.  I've made my feelings known to my friends that I do not under any circumstances want to bar hop or see strippers.  I've always thought it would be fun to hit a comedy club but that's totally not necessary. 

Maybe you just really need to have a heart-to-heart with those throwing the party.  It's up to them to plan it but they should really consider your feelings on the matter.  Maybe you don't have to do it together and you could compromise on that if they really push it.  Traditionally it's held separately and maybe they are just stuck on that.  But the whole out of town thing should be considered carefully before agreeing to it to take into account those that would love to participate but can't for financial reasons or having to take off work. 

greeneyes04

I also agree you should not have to throw your own party, but really your sister should honor your requests. I am having a joint bachelor/bachelorette party and my MOH was really excited about it and planned a fun night out that all of us can enjoy... without the trashy stuff. We are doing a scavenger hunt and ending at a comedy club to watch a show Let her know that having a together party can be just as fun and that it is what you will enjoy the most. If she throws you a party that you enjoy, you can in return throw her a party she will enjoy when she gets married!