Why can't you divorce your parents - RANT

BAS19

I just need to get this off my chest so FI doesn't hear about it and try to fix something he can't fix.

I texted my sister asking for my 19 year old niece's address since I know she recently moved into her own apartment. Ended up talking to her about our mother's bats**t crazyness. My lovely mother called my sister and insisted that she call or text me to see who I went dress shopping with. Either she didn't listen or she thought I was lying when I told her about 20 mins after I bought my dress that only my MOH was with me. I think she thought my step-mom who lives an hour away came. She then tried to make sis mad by telling her I am having 4 BMs and asking why I didn't ask sis to be one. Sis knows mom's tricks and refused to engage in the drama. Sis responded I live 1800 miles away and wouldn't be able to join any of the festivities and I am 39 with 5 kids, she is 29 and wants to spend time with her friends. (Yay Sissy)

This is after my brother offered not to come because mom said she wouldn't come if bro was there. I told bro that if she is petty enough not to come to her youngest and only non-married child's only wedding then she didn't need to be there and I rather have people who are happy for us and want to be there, no drama needed. He agreed that he wants to spend our day with us (He loves FI like the little brother he never had, they talk more than bro and I do).

Ok, end rant and back to work and reports that aren't co-operating.

jessica2244

ughhhhh i feel for ya!!!!! families are crazy sometimes!!!! I'm sure it'll work itself out. if you end up married to the one you love after all is said and done, you must have done something right  

BAS19

Thanks Jessica! I need all the encouragement I can get right now

lyndsay782

My mother is trying to pretend my wedding isn't happening.  Like wouldnt even send me addresses via email for my Save the dates.  She hasn't called me since we announced the engagement. I even got the news that a close family friend died via text message.  She called everyone else, and said they'd call me later.  That was a week ago.  Still no phone call. 

I get that they are sad, but this isn't the first time I've felt like they want nothing to do with me being an adult.  

BAS19

Lyndsay, I'm sorry, it really sucks. Luckily since we are having a smallish wedding, only family and friends we seen on a regular basis, and are paying for it mostly ourselves I didn't need to ask my mom for anything. I still don't even know if she will be there. My dad is pretending like he has no idea what I am talking about when I mention the wedding, but he is only joking. He and my step-mom have went out of their way to find a rehearsal dinner location and have offered to pay for the rehearsal. 

Hopefully your mom will come around.  

BostonGIrl4732

My dad and I got into it last night.  My dad somehow thinks he's paying for the whole wedding.  In his mind, he has full say of who gets invited because of that.  So he told me I have to cut my guest list so he can add more friends.

My dad is paying for half.  So as far as I'm concerned, he gets half the guest list (still not fair to FI's family or my friends, but c'est la vie).  I polietly informed him that seeing as FI and I are paying for half, we get half the guest list.  He was so confused because he's "paying for the wedding".  It sounds like a silly issue to have, but he's very controlling and this is just another thing with him.  I'm moving next week so once I'm out of the house and he can't hold anything else over my head, we're going to have a nice chat.

TayBeach2013

Parents are silly sometimes.  I'm sorry you guys are having issues - I'm not looking forward to telling my dad this his song request, "Endless Love", isn't going to work.  To me, it's one of those songs that is borderline too much for a father/daughter dance lol.  I'm coming up with an acceptable alternative, and since he's into 70s rock, I'm leaning more toward that sound to appease him.

I know it's not nearly as serious as guest list brawls or manipulative moms, buit that's all I've got

lyndsay782

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2013-weddings_why-cant-you-divorce-your-parents-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:26a515ec-8009-4599-b81d-5edee3b3fb3cDiscussion:7abe4475-7b8c-4e0d-9dfa-aa8eab045441Post:0af94746-9b12-4f21-8d50-dc677dec2d3a">Re: Why can't you divorce your parents - RANT</a>:
[QUOTE]Parents are silly sometimes.  I'm sorry you guys are having issues - I'm not looking forward to telling my dad this his song request, "Endless Love", isn't going to work.  To me, it's one of those songs that is borderline too much for a father/daughter dance lol.  I'm coming up with an acceptable alternative, and since he's into 70s rock, I'm leaning more toward that sound to appease him. I know it's not nearly as serious as guest list brawls or manipulative moms, buit that's all I've got :)
Posted by TayBeach2013[/QUOTE]

<div>You should let him hear Butterfly kisses... it maybe a newer country song, but it gets every dad I know, every time...  </div>

BecomingZ13

I'm in it right now with mom too. She's not even speaking to me. We are one step above a courthouse wedding (getting married in a park) and she's thinking up all these "possible problems" with things. She keeps saying "don't be mad at me, but..." and spouts off about how this won't work, and that won't work. So I told her yesterday to stop..everything will work itself out. So she started acting like child and said "nevermind. I won't offer my help" basically and I told her to stop acting like a freakin child. She hasn't spoken to me since.

I really thought having a TINY wedding, I could avoid most of this drama..Apparently not!!

Kimba2121

I think we should be friends! I feel your pain! My mother also won't refuse to go if my brother attends. There has been a series of other things that have been ridiculous like wanting to know who she would be seated with to make sure she is ok with it and wanting to know who would be ushering her to her seat... then last but not least, she just announced her own engagement on Valentines Day.... which in itself is not bad, and I can be happy for her - but she is what I like to call a "One Upper" so if I say "Awww, my fiance is great, he bought me flowers." she has to be like "My fiance is the best, he bought me new jewlery." etc. So I'm waiting for her to set the date of her wedding right before mine.... There was the whole dress fiasco where she made a big scene about wanting to pay for my dress in front of my bridal party and MIL and then when the time came she told me her boyfriend would not allow her to pay for it. It doesn't matter, I had planned on paying for it anyways because she's not reliable....

Anyways, sorry for ranting on your rant - it just struck a chord. So this is what works for me when talking to my mother "I don't know, I haven't thought about that yet" and not really including her in the wedding planning. It stinks not being able to include my mother, but it helps keep my own sanity. For the big stuff, like my dress fitting, I asked her to come, but thats about it. It's just best to keep our conversations non-wedding. Your wedding planning should be happy and enjoyable, don't let anyone, even your mother, bring you down. It's your day.

Ever see the movie Bride Wars with Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway? There is a scene at the end when Anne's character goes nuts on her stand-in MOH, and I just think "That will so be me and my mother someday."

You are not alone!!! Good luck!!!