Some not all? LONG

Jlp818

I have 6 nephews and 5 nieces ranging from 4 months old to 19 years old.  (6 of them are 3 and under)

I am VERY close with all of them and have basically helped / helping raise them all.  It has been widely known that I have always said I want them to all be in my wedding.  My sisters and brother all agreed to this when I first got engaged. 

Also 3 of my sisters (who have the 6 under 3 years old) will be in the wedding but their husbands will not be. 

Yesterday, I was at one of my sisters' houses and her husband told me their kids will not be in the wedding nor will they be available for pictures.  (They will be with the nanny all day.)  My sister told me she would have more fun if they could just leave the kids home.  They live the closest!  Literally, 3 mins from the chapel and venue.

I'm SO sad about this.  How can I have all of the others but not L & L?  Now I am leaning to just say none of the littles (under 3) should come if I can't have all of them.  Looking back at the pictures I KNOW I will be sad not to see them.  I was planning on having the photog do family portraits that day as well for all my siblings and my whole family.

I've offered to buy their outfits, pay their nanny to dress them, bring them, and take them home but my brother in law said absolutely not. I'm so pissed at him now! (but i still love him). 

Should I just tell my other sisters that its ok to leave their kids at home too?  Would it be to overwhelming to ask them to be in the wedding and get their kids ready too? I guess maybe i should call them and let them decide? This SUCKS!

mpickl

Unfortunatly, it's the parents call on what they want to do with their kids. Sounds like they just really want that night out, kid-free. I understand your frustration -- I asked all 6 of my nieces to be in the wedding and now there is a possibility that my brother's ex will make his two kids stay home, since it is HER weekend. So we might be in the same boat -- some, not all. It sucks, but it's one of those things that you just don't have control over. 

My advice would be to let things simmer a little, and then bring it up again with your sister (sounds like your BIL is pretty set on his demands). Let her know how important the family photos are to you, and see if you can work out some kind of compromise. Good luck!

Jlp818

You are right, it is totally their call on it, I will let it go for a while before I bring it up again.  I'm going to let my other sisters know just in case they want to make the same choice.

  

fadedgrace

I would wait for things to calm down and then go to your sister and explain how important it is to you that their children be there and be apart of your special day. Just explain how much you love her children and how special it would be if they could see you get married and be in the family pictures too. Ask her if there is someway that things can be worked out so that the children are able to be there but she is still able to have a stressfree weekend.
Is there a grandparent or maybe a single sibling, rather than your sister or BIL, that would be able to be the go-to person if the nanny brings the kids? Maybe after the first dance or even supper or pictures the nanny takes the kids home?

I don't know your brother in-law but maybe have the converstation with your sister and ask her to discuss the situation with her husband to try to come to some sort of compromise?

On a side note.....wedding pictures are something that families love to show off, I am sure that your nieces/nephews will see professional photos and/or the pictures that were taken by your family on their own personal cameras. I can just imagine how hurt and upset the kids will be if they see all the other cousins and family in the pictures but not them

greeneyes04

We have many nieces and nephews aswell. We are very close to all of them. Although we are inviting all of them we are onlyt including our oldest niece as a Jr. BM and depending on if we concieve before the wedding we are having our 2 youngest be the FG and RB.

In your case I think that you should invite them all, have a select few in the wedding and if the parents decide to get a babysitter, so be it. I think a lot of people get babysitters for weddings because they want to enjoy the night and not have to chase after kids all night. I decided to only invite families kids and not friends. My friends have all told me they would'nt want to bring their kids anyway. It cut my kids list from 35 to 15! I really didn't want 35 kids running around anyway. I think that having some is acceptable if it is the parents decision to not bring them. All should be invited though. I would be upset if my nieces and nephews weren't there, but there isn't much you can do if it is the parents decision. Maybe you can ask your sister to bring them to the wedding and reception, but have them get dropped off to the babysitter after dinner so the parents can enjoy the rest of the night kid free.