Favors

donation as favors

im donating to the melanoma foundation and was wondering how one goes about doing so. how did you tell your guests?

Re: donation as favors

  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you go to the first sticky thread on this page,  you'll find "Donations as favors" as the second issue addressed.

    I do not agree with donations in lieu of favors, so I don't really have any great advice.  Anything you say is going to read as "We just did what we'd do on any given day but have decided to call it YOUR 'favor,' and too bad if it's a charity/organization that you don't agree with, because we consider it an honor and so should you" to a lot of people.

    I'm not trying to sound harsh, or mean, or anything else - just honest.  If you truly believe in the cause, a donation can be made at any time without fanfare or an excuse to do so. 

    It's also kind of like saying "everything else in the wedding was too important to cut out and give the money to charity, but since it was just something you were going to get, and not us, we were cool with it."  I've never seen anyone hand out a card that said "I got a used wedding gown so I could send the rest of the money I would have used on that to charity." 

    Just my thoughts on it.
    10-10-10
  • edited December 2011
    agree 1000000% with melissa
  • CA2MT4EveRCA2MT4EveR member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-favors-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:4c469507-44a3-43d7-9aa4-0c1220d12cb2Post:6f7eae39-a038-4d06-b3cf-ad5d09d735e9">donation as favors</a>:
    [QUOTE]im donating to the melanoma foundation and was wondering how one goes about doing so. how did you tell your guests?
    Posted by kharrell89[/QUOTE]

    <a href="http://www.melanomafoundation.org/AMF/donation.htm" rel="nofollow">http://www.melanomafoundation.org/AMF/donation.htm</a> is the page to donate.

    As for telling your guests, well, read some of the other posts and read the sticky thread.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Make your donation.  I believe in donations.  I make them myself.  I think they're a good thing to do.

    But don't pretend that they're a favor to your guests.  Because they're not.  They're a favor to the organization, and to you.  You're taking the money you'd spend on a little something for your guests and giving it to someone else.  How do you figure that's a favor for your guests?

    Honestly, I don't need a favor.  I don't really want a favor.  You're already giving me food, drinks, entertainment.  I don't need a matchbook or m&ms (although I LOVE m&ms) as a thank you.

    But please don't in any, way, shape or form think that giving $$ to a charity is somehow doing something for me.

    I'd liken it to a guest coming to your wedding and giving you a card that says "In honor of your marriage, I have given a donation to the "eastern micronesia tsunami prevention fund".  It may be important to your guest, but it probably doesn't mean anything to you.  So it's not really a gift for you, is it.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • abbiewebsterabbiewebster member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i think you are doing a great thing donating...i considered it too, i dont see it as something you would do on a normal day, its not very often where you have a bunch of money to donate, and to me spending so much on gifts people dont even pay much attention to is a waste, might as well send it to a good cause.
  • MilleRsBestMilleRsBest member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-favors-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:4c469507-44a3-43d7-9aa4-0c1220d12cb2Post:d8a3ba39-6d91-44b5-a1ad-d7cb6c6729ef">Re: donation as favors</a>:
    [QUOTE]i think you are doing a great thing donating...i considered it too,<u> <strong>i dont see it as something you would do on a normal day</strong></u>, <em>its not very often where you have a bunch of money to donate</em>, and to me spending so much on gifts people dont even pay much attention to is a waste, might as well send it to a good cause.
    Posted by abbiewebster[/QUOTE]

    Actually, I do donate to lots of different causes all the time.  I donate to local 4H and FFA by purchasing their animals at the fair.  I donate to the Children's Hospital on a monthly basis- $20/month.  I purchase from school fundraisers as often as possible, including attending sports and other events and purchasing from their concessions.   These all affect my community and what is around me, and I am proud to be a supporter.  I am however not going to tell everyone around me on my wedding day that I get tax write-offs because of my generosity to these programs and pretend it is a favor (or lack thereof) for my guests.

    And no, not a lot of people have a bunch of money to donate, but that is because they choose not to until it becomes something to gain attention for.  As I previously stated, I donate $20/month.  I set this up annually through a telethon and it is taken from my checking account on the first of the month.  I live on a tight budget and $20 is honestly not a bunch, but I am contributing to the the health and well being to children in my area, not some national place I will never see any benefits from.

    Contribute to "charities" in different ways than a lump sum of money  that you call a favor for your guests.
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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Making a production of a donation is not a gift, it's a publicity stunt - bottom line.


    10-10-10
  • jeanna85jeanna85 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Giving to charity should be a private thing. If you and your FH want to donate thats great, but don't put signs around your reception stating its the guests' favor.
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  • leoraannaleoraanna member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I never understood why people even bothered with favors. Why do they need a favor? I never take mine home, unless they are chocolate and those generally get eaten before we leave the reception.

    I am not doing a donation as a favor. I am doing a donation in honor of my guests. I really don't understand what is wrong with that. I come from a culture that holds donations very high on the list of things that are important. With that background, it seems selfish and silly to buy a bunch of favors when you could be putting that extra money towards something more meaningful than tiny plastic hearts filled with candies (which are going to be thrown away anyway!)

    Has anyone really gotten a party favor since you were 9? Because I sure haven't. Why start now? I agree with a PP- I am providing them with food, music, an open bar and dancing. How many people would honestly walk away saying "Where are my Jordan Almonds? I can't believe I wasted my time here and I didn't even get a favor!"
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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    All I can say, is if I ever go to a wedding and the bride has donated to PETA in "honor" of me, I'm punching her in the head and taking my gift back.
    10-10-10
  • edited December 2011

    I am all for donations in lieu of favors...especially if the organization means something to the guests as well as the bride and groom. 

    A good friend of ours passed away last year and we are donating to the memorial fund set up in his name.  Since the majority of the people at the wedding were also good friends with him, we feel that they will appreciate that far more than a piece of chocolate.

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  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I know I'm going to regret even asking this at some point, but everyone on this post seems reasonable, so I'll give it a shot:

    MC22, I can completely understand that sentiment.  I really can.  I think it's a very nice thing of you to do.  Why, though, do you have to say "in lieu of favors" in order to do it?  Why even bring favors into it?  Also, why is that what you chose to cut as opposed to...new shoes or having your hair done or flowers or a honeymoon or jewelry or anything else at the wedding?  I'm really not trying to be difficult here (that was what the PETA comment was for!), I just wonder why it was favors you opted to cut and, since you did, why would you TELL your guests that?  Couldn't "and as part of our wedding, we wanted to honor (friend's name who passed away) by donating x amount of money to (organization name)," be said and favors just left out of it?

    As the person previously said, favors aren't needed.  There is no reason to have them other than just a token gesture or to be excessive in how much you do for your reception.  I just can't imagine making an issue of not having given them.
    10-10-10
  • edited December 2011
    I dont get why you all need to be so harsh about it. My father passed away from melanoma a little less than 2 months ago and thats how im going to keep him honored at my wedding. No one cares about favors but the minute you dont get one, you ask well they were cheap and didnt want to buy them, this way someone has no reason to say i didnt get one or waste my money. We choose favors BECAUSE no one cares, flowers and cake and all the other stuff people notice.

    most of you were no help but thank you to those who were. Wink
  • edited December 2011
    Melissa - we chose to do it instead of favors because favors are something that we as a couple don't find important at weddings (and most times, we don't take them), so we were willing to give them up as opposed to other things that we do take notice of at other weddings.

    It was a personal choice and I really only posted to be supportive of the original poster.  Obviously melanoma is a cause close to her family's heart (as evidenced in her last post).  And because I'm in a similar situation, I wanted her to know that she isn't alone and there are other people doing the same thing.

    I think everyone's opinions on this, and everything else, differ so again, I was just being supportive.  That's all.
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PPs.  I'm not a fan of donations in lieu of favors.  I'll decide where I want to donate, thank you.

    I also think it looks really selfish/silly when I see the donation-in-lieu-of-favors card next to the floral centerpieces that cost $XXX.  Really?  If you cared so much about the charity/cause why didn't you sacrifice that money instead.

    That said, I understand that when people lose someone they love they want to have them remembered at their wedding.  I just don't think donations in lieu of favors is the best way to do it.  Why can't you just say "In memory of My Loved One a donation was made to This Charity/Research".  No need to mention favors.  No need to say "In honor of our guests." 
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-favors-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:4c469507-44a3-43d7-9aa4-0c1220d12cb2Post:db32e5c2-287e-42a9-9db2-39cec5f22793">Re: donation as favors</a>:
    [QUOTE]I never understood why people even bothered with favors. Why do they need a favor? I never take mine home, unless they are chocolate and those generally get eaten before we leave the reception. I am not doing a donation as a favor. I am doing a donation in honor of my guests. I really don't understand what is wrong with that. I come from a culture that holds donations very high on the list of things that are important. <u><em><strong>With that background, it seems selfish and silly to buy a bunch of favors when you could be putting that extra money towards something more meaningful than tiny plastic hearts filled with candies (which are going to be thrown away anyway!)</strong></em></u> Has anyone really gotten a party favor since you were 9? Because I sure haven't. Why start now? I agree with a PP- I am providing them with food, music, an open bar and dancing. How many people would honestly walk away saying "Where are my Jordan Almonds? I can't believe I wasted my time here and I didn't even get a favor!"
    Posted by leoraanna[/QUOTE]


    Oh-but it's not sillly to spend hundreds of $$ on centerpieces, or a veil, or an expensive pair of shoes, or a limo?  Why not get someone to drive you and donate THAT money to a charity?

    Why not wear a pair of shoes that are already in your closet and donate the money for the new shoes to a charity?

    Why not do your own makeup and donate THAT money to charity?

    Why not skip centerpieces or linens and donate THAT money to charity?

    All of the above are things that mean something to you.  So it's appropriate that you would donate money for something important to YOU to your charity.

    But why is the favor the only thing that's skipped?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • melissamc2melissamc2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh, trix, because it's IN HONOR OF THE GUESTS, of course.
    10-10-10
  • leoraannaleoraanna member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-favors-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:4c469507-44a3-43d7-9aa4-0c1220d12cb2Post:9bd6f73f-537b-4754-8c9c-1703c8ced908">Re: donation as favors</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: donation as favors : Oh-but it's not sillly to spend hundreds of $$ on centerpieces, or a veil, or an expensive pair of shoes, or a limo?  Why not get someone to drive you and donate THAT money to a charity? Why not wear a pair of shoes that are already in your closet and donate the money for the new shoes to a charity? Why not do your own makeup and donate THAT money to charity? Why not skip centerpieces or linens and donate THAT money to charity? All of the above are things that mean something to you.  So it's appropriate that you would donate money for something important to YOU to your charity. But why is the favor the only thing that's skipped?
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    I'm not spending even 200 on centerpieces, a veil (borrowed), shoes (sale), no limo (not even a car, we are juts going to drive there like normal people), a friend is doing my makeup, the linens come with the venue. Your argument seems almost more silly than the idea of favors to begin with now.

    I honestly just don't understand why favors are so important to people anyway. I honestly can't remember what favor I got at any wedding I've ever been to, and I didn't notice that they weren't there at the weddings where there weren't any. Get over it.
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-favors-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:4c469507-44a3-43d7-9aa4-0c1220d12cb2Post:329a2b70-0866-4628-a8ac-59dfd1d46053">Re: donation as favors</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: donation as favors : I'm not spending even 200 on centerpieces, a veil (borrowed), shoes (sale), no limo (not even a car, we are juts going to drive there like normal people), a friend is doing my makeup, the linens come with the venue. Your argument seems almost more silly than the idea of favors to begin with now. I honestly just don't understand why favors are so important to people anyway. I honestly can't remember what favor I got at any wedding I've ever been to, and I didn't notice that they weren't there at the weddings where there weren't any. Get over it.
    Posted by leoraanna[/QUOTE]

    You can get favors on sale too you know, leoraanna.  Or you can make them at very little cost.

    Favors are not important to me at all.  I would never notice if I went to a wedding and did not receive a favor.  And if favors aren't important to you, why bother having anything?  Why not just donate the extra money to a charity in private?  Why make a show of it?

    I just don't like donations in lieu of favors.  I find it very condescending. 

    You can try to justify it any way you want, but you should know that not all of your guests will think kindly on this type of "favor".
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-favors-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:4c469507-44a3-43d7-9aa4-0c1220d12cb2Post:db32e5c2-287e-42a9-9db2-39cec5f22793">Re: donation as favors</a>:
    [QUOTE]I never understood why people even bothered with favors. Why do they need a favor? I never take mine home, unless they are chocolate and those generally get eaten before we leave the reception. I am not doing a donation as a favor. I am doing a donation in honor of my guests. I really don't understand what is wrong with that. I come from a culture that holds donations very high on the list of things that are important. With that background, it seems selfish and silly to buy a bunch of favors when you could be putting that extra money towards something more meaningful than tiny plastic hearts filled with candies (which are going to be thrown away anyway!) Has anyone really gotten a party favor since you were 9? Because I sure haven't. Why start now? I agree with a PP- I am providing them with food, music, an open bar and dancing. How many people would honestly walk away saying "Where are my Jordan Almonds? I can't believe I wasted my time here and I didn't even get a favor!"
    Posted by leoraanna[/QUOTE]

    I couldn't have said it better myself!! People were OVERJOYED to learn that my FI and I are doing a donation to a special place for our family. People look at favors as dust collectors, and if they're edible, they're gone in 60 seconds without a memory at all. At least with a donation, people will look back and say, "wow, they did something nice for someone they really care about." Doesn't get better than that :)
  • edited December 2011
    And in response to the original post, I'm wording mine something like,

    "In lieu of favors, B and G have chosen to honor their wedding celebration with a donation to the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. Our hearts are with all of our friends and family affected by cancer."
  • leoraannaleoraanna member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sounds good to me!
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-favors-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:4c469507-44a3-43d7-9aa4-0c1220d12cb2Post:329a2b70-0866-4628-a8ac-59dfd1d46053">Re: donation as favors</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: donation as favors : I'm not spending even 200 on centerpieces, a veil (borrowed), shoes (sale), no limo (not even a car, we are juts going to drive there like normal people), a friend is doing my makeup, the linens come with the venue. Your argument seems almost more silly than the idea of favors to begin with now. I honestly just don't understand why favors are so important to people anyway. I honestly can't remember what favor I got at any wedding I've ever been to, and I didn't notice that they weren't there at the weddings where there weren't any. Get over it.
    Posted by leoraanna[/QUOTE]

    If you had read my post you would have noticed that I said I don't want favors....I don't need favors....I don't care if I get favors.  Because I don't think they're all that important.

    But I think if you're going to give something TO someone, then give them something instead of giving yourself a tax deductible "something" that's meaningful to you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'm a big fan of donations and contribute to several organizations annually.  However...  Donations to charities are NOT favors.  Printing up those ridiculous cards ("In lieu of a favor, a donation has been made...") are really AW-ish.

    My FI are going to do a donation to a favorite charity in honor of our wedding.  But it'll be quiet and private because we're not so insecure (or attention whorish) as to need people to congratulate us for our charity works and deeds.

    If you're cutting costs, don't spend extra time and money printing up the AW donation cards. 
  • Cutie2882Cutie2882 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    kharrell89 I think that's a great idea and I don't understand why everyone has such a problem with a charitable donation as long as it isn't a controversial, religious or political or something that will offend. Causes like cancer, diabetes, heart, St. Jude's for children's cancers are all causes that I don't think anyone would be offended by. I also don't understand why some are saying that if a bride and groom cared so much about a charity they would give up flowers, shoes, etc. A wedding is a special day to a bride and groom and they plan to make it nice for themselves and their family and guests no matter what their budget is. Favors are usually factored in as part of the budget and unlike flowers, shoes, hair, dress, make-up, they are something that many people overlook. Alone, one favor is cheap but combined they add up, so I feel the gesture of the donation is saying to the guests "we made better use of the favor money by making a donation than giving you a candle." For those who are really against donations, you must be reaaaaaaly excited to get a two-dollar favor. I don't think anyone who does a charitable donation is looking for attention either. It's a way of saying that in the midst of all the planning, spending and celebrating that a couple is acknowledging giving back or honoring a departed loved one. If anyone thinks that you are looking for attenion or jipping them out of their favor knowing that your father died of malenoma are people you wouldn't want at your wedding! I am going to do a small edible favor and a donation to American Cancer Society as I have lost so many loved ones to cancer-and no one I have told this has had the reaction I have seen here! Ohh and for those talking about a tax deduction-unless you make a really big donation you aren't going to get that much of a benfit!
  • LD1970LD1970 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    My uncle died at age 47 of a heart attack the March before my cousin's October wedding several years ago.  They did a donation to a heart foundation in lieu of favors at the wedding.

    I have to say, everyone there knew about her dad and more than understood what was being done and why.  No one thought she was an AW or in any way wrong for doing what she did.  If anything, I cried a little when I saw the signs.

    I know my cousin and how hurt she was by her father's untimely death and his inability to walk her down the aisle.  So did all the rest of her guests.  For anyone to b!tch about her choice or call her an AW when she was choosing to remember her dead father that way would say loads more about that person's lack of character than about my cousin.
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  • I came to this thread hoping to see if you had gotten any help in your quest for information because I too was interested in the idea. All I have gained is negativity and people with too much time on their hands. Why respond to a post with a personal opinion? It was posted to gain information not hear others negative opinions...why waste your time posting about a thread you have no interest in or agree with? Just to put others down? If you all donate so often you should think about changing your attitudes towards people in general to go along with your charitable outlook life and be kind. Goes much farther than donating every day.

  • I came to this thread hoping to see if you had gotten any help in your quest for information because I too was interested in the idea. All I have gained is negativity and people with too much time on their hands. Why respond to a post with a personal opinion? It was posted to gain information not hear others negative opinions...why waste your time posting about a thread you have no interest in or agree with? Just to put others down? If you all donate so often you should think about changing your attitudes towards people in general to go along with your charitable outlook life and be kind. Goes much farther than donating every day.

    How did you find this thread? Google? Or typing key words into TK's search? 

    The reason I ask is because it'll help find a solution to 4 year old threads getting bumped to the top of the list. 
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