Favors
favor donation question
HI girls,
Few months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer and currently going through chemo treatment. My wedding is schedule for August 6th 2011. I`m not sure if I`ll have my hair back by then but...
My question is about the favors. Instead of giving something away, we decided to donate the money to cancer society to support breast cancer research. Does anyone did that before? Or donated the money to any other organization? I`m looking for some example wording, so anything would be very helpful:)
Thank you so much in advance!!
Beata
Few months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer and currently going through chemo treatment. My wedding is schedule for August 6th 2011. I`m not sure if I`ll have my hair back by then but...
My question is about the favors. Instead of giving something away, we decided to donate the money to cancer society to support breast cancer research. Does anyone did that before? Or donated the money to any other organization? I`m looking for some example wording, so anything would be very helpful:)
Thank you so much in advance!!
Beata
This discussion has been closed.
Re: favor donation question
Having said that: here are links to several threads about "donation" favors. You'll see that I'm clearly not in favor of them. I think that you should make a donation. I think that you should make a lot of donations. But as you'll read, I don't think that it's appropriate as a wedding "favor" to your guests. Again: best wishes to you.
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_carity-favor
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_charitable-donation-favors
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_favors-mean-something
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_thinking-of-making-donation-read-this-first
I would suggest doing something small along with the donation. Possibly a pink ribbon that you could easily make or a pencil with pink ribbons on them or the pink ribbion pin you can buy.
My aunt and uncle did a donation and gave pencils. They gave to somewhere that would provide school supplies to less fortunate.
Good luck! I'll be praying for you. Cancer Sucks.
Here's my standard answer when this question gets asked.
Favors are completely optional. You don't have to give your guests anything to take home.
If you decide to make a donation, don't do the "in lieu of" announcement. Never tell someone what they're NOT getting.
Make the donation if you want but it should have nothing to do with your wedding. Don't use money from the budget of something that you had designated for your guests (food, alcohol, favors, etc), Your guests should not have to do without something in the name of charity. Instead take the money from YOUR daily budget. Giving to charity is a lot more rewarding when you give up haircuts, new clothes, or some other item that you can live without.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
[QUOTE]I'm sorry about your diagnosis. Here's my standard answer when this question gets asked. Favors are completely optional. You don't have to give your guests anything to take home. If you decide to make a donation, don't do the "in lieu of" announcement. Never tell someone what they're NOT getting. Make the donation if you want but it should have nothing to do with your wedding. Don't use money from the budget of something that you had designated for your guests (food, alcohol, favors, etc), Your guests should not have to do without something in the name of charity. <strong>Instead take the money from YOUR daily budget.</strong> Giving to charity is a lot more rewarding when you give up haircuts, new clothes, or some other item that you can live without.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]
Better yet, your FI and you can make a donation with the money you intended to use on a wedding gift for eachother.
[QUOTE]I love the idea, and maybe like someone said handing out a small pin or some sort of breast cancer awareness realted thing Has anyone who is against charity favors been to a wedidng before where they do this? I have. <strong>It makes you feel good when you read the piece of paper (or however the couple would choose to announce it) knowing that on your behalf, you donated to something without even having to donate. I'll take that over any dumb "favor" anyday. </strong>
Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]
And what if that donation was to a cause you have no interest in, or worse, disagree with? For several reasons, some folks disagree with the methods of the Komen Foundation and would feel offended knowing that a donation to them was made in their name. I would have serious issues if a donation "in lieu" of a favor was made in my name to a religious organization.
Play it safe and just don't have favors.
Planning Bio | Married Bio
[QUOTE]I love the idea, and maybe like someone said handing out a small pin or some sort of breast cancer awareness realted thing Has anyone who is against charity favors been to a wedidng before where they do this? I have. It makes you feel good when you read the piece of paper (or however the couple would choose to announce it) knowing that on your behalf, you donated to something without even having to donate. I'll take that over any dumb "favor" anyday.
Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]
Yes, as a matter of fact I have. And I wasn't impressed. And for Christmas, my sister in law, who loves horses gave us a Christmas "gift" of a donation she made "in our honor" to a horse rescue organization.
We don't ride. We don't like horses. It meant, clearly, a lot to my SIL. It meant nothing to us. She also did the same for my elderly dad. He showed me the "certificate" that he got and said "I don't know why I would have gotten this."
We donate to several other causes throughout the year including diabetes organizations because our DIL has juvenile diabetes.
But now we're getting tons of requests from animal rescue organizations. It annoys me. So yes, I do have experience with this. While my SIL's intentions were probably good, I don't think that this was a gift with DH and me in mind. It was a donation to a cause important to her.
Same thing with wedding favors. A "donation" to a cause that others aren't interested in isn't a favor for them. It's really that simple.
[QUOTE]I love the idea, and maybe like someone said handing out a small pin or some sort of breast cancer awareness realted thing Has anyone who is against charity favors been to a wedidng before where they do this? I have. It makes you feel good when you read the piece of paper (or however the couple would choose to announce it) <strong>knowing that on your behalf, you donated to something without even having to donate.</strong> I'll take that over any dumb "favor" anyday.
Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]
Yeah, probably less than $5.00.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: favor donation question : Yes, as a matter of fact I have. And I wasn't impressed. And for Christmas, my sister in law, who loves horses gave us a Christmas "gift" of a donation she made "in our honor" to a horse rescue organization. We don't ride. We don't like horses. It meant, clearly, a lot to my SIL. It meant nothing to us. She also did the same for my elderly dad. He showed me the "certificate" that he got and said "I don't know why I would have gotten this." We donate to several other causes throughout the year including diabetes organizations because our DIL has juvenile diabetes. But now we're getting tons of requests from animal rescue organizations. It annoys me. So yes, I do have experience with this. While my SIL's intentions were probably good, I don't think that this was a gift with DH and me in mind. It was a donation to a cause important to her. Same thing with wedding favors. A "donation" to a cause that others aren't interested in isn't a favor for them. It's really that simple.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
<div>The point of her donating to that cause isn't meant to "impress"? Its the mere fact she's not wasting her money on giving you something you'll never use or have need for, but will do something useful for it and tell you why you're not getting a dumb favor instead....</div><div>
</div><div>And sorry your sister ruined your Christmas by donating to her Horse charity. Coming from a background where you never expect presents and anything you recieve is a blessing, to me its selfish you and anyone else would be upset about it. </div><div>
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: favor donation question : And what if that donation was to a cause you have no interest in, or worse, disagree with? For several reasons, some folks disagree with the methods of the Komen Foundation and would feel offended knowing that a donation to them was made in their name. I would have serious issues if a donation "in lieu" of a favor was made in my name to a religious organization. Play it safe and just don't have favors.
Posted by impslave[/QUOTE]
<div>I agree with what you're saying, and I think that when donating, the bride/groom need to use best judgement to select something that is not controversial, which isn't hard to do. I just don't see why you would take offense if they did though, because its not like it really is on your behalf, its not personal. It's just, instead of wasting 300 dollars on favors, they donated it. that's all. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: favor donation question : The point of her donating to that cause isn't meant to "impress"? Its the mere fact she's not wasting her money on giving you something you'll never use or have need for, but will do something useful for it and tell you why you're not getting a dumb favor instead.... And sorry your sister ruined your Christmas by donating to her Horse charity. Coming from a background where you never expect presents and anything you recieve is a blessing, to me its selfish you and anyone else would be upset about it.
Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]
I wasn't upset about not getting Christmas presents from her. You completely missed the point. The point was that it was something important to HER disguised as a "present" to us.
We don't expect Christmas gifts from anyone. We don't really need Christmas gifts from anyone. We're not upset when we don't get Christmas gifts from people. In fact, the only sibling that I regularly exchange Christmas gifts with is my sister. Not with my brothers, and not for years.
My Christmas was hardly "ruined" by her gift. Your use of hyperbole was cute, but completely off base. You asked if anyone had experience with receiving a donation as a "favor". I gave you an example.
A "donation favor" wouldn't ruin my experience at someone's wedding either. But it wouldn't be a favor to me and to pretend that it was would just be silly.
An example I used in another thread about this: It's snowing. Your neighbor comes over and says "I'm going to do you a favor and shovel your driveway for you." Great. THAT'S a favor.
But if he comes over and says "I'm going to do you a favor. I'm going to shovel your neighbor's driveway." We'll.....how exactly is that a favor for ME?
It's a similar scenario with "donation favors". You go to a wedding. You get to your seat and say "I'm going to give you a favor. I'm donating to MY favorite charity for you." How's that a favor for ME? Answer: It's not.
As I always say to people: Make your donation. I make them myself. I make them often. But your donation has nothing to do with your wedding. I'd be a lot more impressed at a wedding if the bride and bridesmaids carried no flowers, and a note in the program said "The bride and groom have given up flowers and donated their flower budget to XYZ charity". They've given up something important to THEM to make a donation to a cause important to THEM. See the correlation there?
And finally, why do you assume that my SIL would have given me a useless Christmas gift if they didn't donate that $$ to the horse charity. That notion always makes me laugh.
"I'm going to make a charity donation instead of a crappy little favor that no one will want." Okay. Why not get a favor that people will want then? Give them a tasty something at the end of the night.
The argument that people always seem to use is that they're not giving a crappy little favor so that they can give a donation. Silly and illogical.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: favor donation question : The point of her donating to that cause isn't meant to "impress"? Its the mere fact she's not wasting her money on giving you something you'll never use or have need for, but will do something useful for it and tell you why you're not getting a dumb favor instead.... And sorry your sister ruined your Christmas by donating to her Horse charity. Coming from a background where you never expect presents and anything you recieve is a blessing, to me its selfish you and anyone else would be upset about it.
Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]
You can try to justify this any way you like. It won't change the fact that this whole idea rubs a lot of people (including the vast majority of people on TK) the wrong way. If she is telling people that she donated to a charity, then there is no other reason than to impress. Like I said before, if she wants to donate and make it a meaningful gift, then she should tell her FI to make a donation in her name as her wedding present from him.
...and don't try to outpoor me. We were nearly on the street when I was a kid. I didn't expect anything (and still don't) but that doesn't mean I wasn't mad as hell that an aunt once gave little ol' Pro-choice me a Christmas gift of "A donation has been made in your name to National Right To Life" - her favorite charity.
I doubt any bride would want to donate to anything this political but there are other charities that rub people the wrong way - SGK is wasted money in my opinion. Something like 75% goes to payroll and advertising. Animal shelters are going to offend people who think that money should go to helping people first. You don't know what all of your guests believe so why risk offending them?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: favor donation question : do something useful for it and<strong> tell you why you're not getting a dumb favor instead</strong>.... Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]
Why must I know? I would rather there not be favors at all. I would not even notice if there were no favors. But if I had it pointed out to me, I certainly would. And then, if I didn't agree with the charity, I would be annoyed that I was made to be a part of it in any way.
Donate if you like, but don't involve it in your wedding. Just take some money on a random Tuesday and donate it and have no favors at the wedding with no explanation as to why.
I did not make a big deal about it. I did not even tell her. The only reason she found out is because they sent her a thank you card.
If you want to support a specific charity, then that is your personal and private choice. If I don't support a charity, I don't want my name attached to that organization.
If you want to do something for a charity, take the money and gift cards you receive as wedding gifts and donate them to the Cancer Society. I would not put up a sign or tell your guests. Just do it and feel good about helping others.
Good luck with your treatment. Check out your local Cancer Society. They have a wealth of programs to help you. Road to Recovery, free prostetics, wigs and scarves, 24-hour support lines and face-to-face support groups for you and your family are available and vital to your recovery.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: favor donation question : <strong>Why must I know</strong>? I would rather there not be favors at all. I would not even notice if there were no favors. But if I had it pointed out to me, I certainly would. And then, if I didn't agree with the charity, I would be annoyed that I was made to be a part of it in any way. Donate if you like, but don't involve it in your wedding. Just take some money on a random Tuesday and donate it and have no favors at the wedding with no explanation as to why.
Posted by McKenna2012[/QUOTE]
We're donating to a cause that is near to us...a close friend has a son with SMA, a disease that will likely kill him before he is 2 years old. We are having a small-ish wedding, and the majority of people there will know this person and his son. Those that don't...well, they will hear about him by word-of-mouth (since we will not be making a big sign or handing out individual notices that we've donated...maybe just a very small message near the guest-book). <font color="#000080">If we can bring awareness to this disease, and in the same time bring some sort of comfort/support to our friends</font>...then any "backlash" is 100% worth it.
We will also be giving out chocolate "W"'s as favors....so the donation is not "in Lieu" of the favor. It just is.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: favor donation question : If we can bring awareness to this disease, and in the same time bring some sort of comfort/support to our friends ...then any "backlash" is 100% worth it. We will also be giving out chocolate "W"'s as favors....so the donation is not "in Lieu" of the favor. It just is.
Posted by hamiltks10[/QUOTE]
I admire that you want to donate and bring awareness to a cause, but if you're having other favors (the chocolates), then it seems like you're just using your wedding as a forum for this awareness. I just don't see a reason to point out to your guests that you're doing something kind. It feels very "Look at what good people we are! Look at us!" to me.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: favor donation question : We're donating to a cause that is near to us...a close friend has a son with SMA, a disease that will likely kill him before he is 2 years old. We are having a small-ish wedding, and the majority of people there will know this person and his son. Those that don't...well, they will hear about him by word-of-mouth (since we will not be making a big sign or handing out individual notices that we've donated...maybe just a very small message near the guest-book). <strong>If we can bring awareness to this disease, and in the same time bring some sort of comfort/support to our friends</strong> ...then any "backlash" is 100% worth it. We will also be giving out chocolate "W"'s as favors....so the donation is not "in Lieu" of the favor. It just is.
Posted by hamiltks10[/QUOTE]
I understand that you want people to know about the disease. I want people to be aware of ALS, the D.H. College Fund and Alzeimer's, but a wedding is not a place for that. If you want to bring awareness to SMA, participate in a benefit, or a walk, or a fundraiser at a different time. Your wedding is about celebrating the unity of you and H, not bringing awareness to a disease. Seeing a sign at your wedding is not going to make me want to give money to the cause or become familiar to it. It will, however, make me side-eye your intentions. Part of giving a charitable donation is not talking about what you give. It comes across as bragging, which is not good. I am not saying not to donate or talk about the cause that is important to you. Charities survive off of donations and word of mouth, so donate everything you can. It is not appropriate to turn your wedding into a look-at-me-and-how-much-I-give-to-charity or get-to-know-this-disease event. It makes people uncomfortable.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: favor donation question : I understand that you want people to know about the disease. I want people to be aware of ALS, the D.H. College Fund and Alzeimer's, but a wedding is not a place for that. If you want to bring awareness to SMA, participate in a benefit, or a walk, or a fundraiser at a different time. Your wedding is about celebrating the unity of you and H, not bringing awareness to a disease. Seeing a sign at your wedding is not going to make me want to give money to the cause or become familiar to it. It will, however, make me side-eye your intentions. Part of giving a charitable donation is not talking about what you give. It comes across as bragging, which is not good. I am not saying not to donate or talk about the cause that is important to you. Charities survive off of donations and word of mouth, so donate everything you can. It is not appropriate to turn your wedding into a look-at-me-and-how-much-I-give-to-charity or get-to-know-this-disease event. It makes people uncomfortable.
Posted by vsgal[/QUOTE]
And that's why you are not invited to my wedding. ; )
Seriously though, I can see your point for someone having 250+ guests, half of whom they don't know, at their wedding. We are not. We are having only very close family and friends. And part of celebrating the union of FI and I is celebrating the famlly and friends that have been there for us along the way.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: favor donation question : <strong>And that's why you are not invited to my wedding.</strong> ; ) Seriously though, I can see your point for someone having 250+ guests, half of whom they don't know, at their wedding. We are not. We are having only very close family and friends. And part of celebrating the union of FI and I is celebrating the famlly and friends that have been there for us along the way.
Posted by hamiltks10[/QUOTE]
Well, aren't you the snotty pants? So if your guests don't support your charities, they are not invited to your wedding?
If you are set on it just have a card that reads "in lieu of a favor a donation has been made"
A favor is supposed to be like a little thank you to your guests. Forced donation isn't really a thankyou.
Maybe, as some have mentioned, give something with it. Maybe some homebaked cookies in a container, chocolates, something they can enjoy.
I had no idea how strongly people felt about this until coming to this website. And honestly I didn't get the fuss until having read more about it.
[QUOTE]rant. people against charity favors act like the guests are being forced to fork out money for a charity they would rather not donate to. someone used the example of saying it's like telling your neighbor you did them a favor by shoveling someone elses driveway. that's irrelevant. you are trying to compare something not expected (you're not expecting to have your driveway shoveled) with something expected (favors). whoever came up with that scenario needs to get it out of their head like its the same exact thing. it's not. <strong> i hate any person who is agasint this now</strong>. in a world full of greed where so many people are obsessed with 'things', if you are seriously agasint me wasting money on a favor instead of donating it to something useful to make a difference, don't come to my wedding and have a nice life. i'm not saying every couple should donate instead of favors, you just do what feels right to get the 'thank you' across. some people are never thankful though, these are the same people who are NEVER satisfied. i bet you they never wake up and think 'life is good, i'm alive today'. they will probably end up being divorced and living a bitter life all beause 10 years ago someone donated money insetad of giving them a seashell with an initial on to take home. its these same people, that require a reading to be left at the table to make them FULLY AWARE why they are NOT getting stupid favors and where that money is going instead. if there wasn't material there to state why they weren't getting a favor, then they would be the same people who would be like 'omg, i can't beleive they didn't give out favors'. haha not going to reply or respond to this anymore. i'm not here to argue, or tell anyone what is right or wrong. just trying to shed some light on those who are back-and forth on this subject. i know there is no hope for those who are agasint it. you can't make chicken sh*t into chicken salad. end rant.
Posted by allisonkbye[/QUOTE]
Well then, be prepared to hate a hell of a lot of people.
I am very sorry to hear of your battle. like you I too an currently fighting breast cancer (third time for me) and getting married this year but that said I would never "make a donation" to a charity instead of a favour. Donating is a private thingand it iis not something to brag about (which letting everyone know with a sign/note is what you are doing).
The main reason for my opinion is from a personal experience. I also have Juvenille Diabetes. My lovely dear friends who were married 3 years ago decided that instead of favours they would make a donation to Diabetes Australia in honour of me (MOH). They never mentioned this to me and I only found out at the wedding. Whilst I appreciate their thoughtfulness I was also a bit mad. Why? Because most of the funding recieved by DA goes on research, treatment and education around Type 2 diabetes. While I feel sorry for anyone who does have type 2 a lot of people living with the disease could have easily prevented it (through diet and exercise). If I donate money I dontate to the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation where the funding goes 100% towards type 1 diabetes.
Can you see why you choosing which charity a donation goes to might upset some people?
[QUOTE]Trix - I cannot believe how much time and energy you have invested in opposing Charity Favors. Seriously, get a life. You keep saying don't say "in lieu of favors" because it's not actually a favor to the guests. Well, it sounds like you need some help with the English language. "In lieu of" actually means "instead of", so by using that phrase, you are making it clear that instead of purchasing useless favors, you donated money to a charity. In no way does that imply that the donation is a favor to the guest. IN LIEU OF FAVORS, I plan on donating money to the American Heart Association in honor of my father who passed away from a heart attack and I could care less if some greedy guest like yourself scoffs at that. When was the last time someone went to a wedding thinking, "Gee, I can't wait to see what $2 favor I get to take home!" anyways? I am confident MY guests will be content with the dinner, alcohol, music, and parking we provided for them. Not to mention how much it will mean to my grandmother and family to honor my father in such a way. Maybe your guest list isn't as grateful. I don't know.
Posted by bnoliva[/QUOTE]
Clearly you missed the part of my post that said "I don't want a favor. I don't need a favor."
[QUOTE]Trix - I cannot believe how much time and energy you have invested in opposing Charity Favors. Seriously, get a life. You keep saying don't say "in lieu of favors" because it's not actually a favor to the guests. Well, it sounds like you need some help with the English language. "In lieu of" actually means "instead of", so by using that phrase, you are making it clear that instead of purchasing useless favors, you donated money to a charity. In no way does that imply that the donation is a favor to the guest. IN LIEU OF FAVORS, I plan on donating money to the American Heart Association in honor of my father who passed away from a heart attack and I could care less if some greedy guest like yourself scoffs at that. When was the last time someone went to a wedding thinking, "Gee, I can't wait to see what $2 favor I get to take home!" anyways? I am confident MY guests will be content with the dinner, alcohol, music, and parking we provided for them. Not to mention how much it will mean to my grandmother and family to honor my father in such a way. Maybe your guest list isn't as grateful. I don't know.
Posted by bnoliva[/QUOTE]
Before spouting off like this at someone you should hang around and lurk. If you had done this, you'd know that Trix is one of the least greedy and least selfcentered posters on this board. A lot of us think of her as our den mother and hope we turn out to be like her when we grow up.
Nobody is saying don't donate and give me stuff. We're saying donate, don't be an AW about it by telling people why they don't have a favor. There is absolutely no reason to do an "in lieu of favors" other than to say "look at me and what a wonderful person I am."
AKA GoodLuckBear14
[QUOTE]Trix - I cannot believe how much time and energy you have invested in opposing Charity Favors. <strong>Seriously, get a life.</strong> You keep saying don't say "in lieu of favors" because it's not actually a favor to the guests. Well, it sounds like <strong>you need some help with the English language</strong>. "In lieu of" actually means "instead of", so by using that phrase, you are making it clear that instead of purchasing useless favors, you donated money to a charity. In no way does that imply that the donation is a favor to the guest. IN LIEU OF FAVORS, I plan on donating money to the American Heart Association in honor of my father who passed away from a heart attack and I could care less if <strong>some greedy guest like yourself</strong> scoffs at that. When was the last time someone went to a wedding thinking, "Gee, I can't wait to see what $2 favor I get to take home!" anyways? I am confident MY guests will be content with the dinner, alcohol, music, and parking we provided for them. Not to mention how much it will mean to my grandmother and family to honor my father in such a way. <strong>Maybe your guest list isn't as grateful</strong>. I don't know.
Posted by bnoliva[/QUOTE]
Look at what it bolded here and tell me it wasn't rude as hell. The one out of line here was you, not Trix.
...and congratulations on having a life. Believe it or not, the rest of us do also complete with jobs, families and friends.
AKA GoodLuckBear14