charity donations in lieu of favors

Uumpabo1

Hi everyone! So I decided to donate to two charities in honor of my mother in law that passed away and another family member. I was thinking to write something nice on some pretty letterhead and making individual scrolls. Any ideas on how to word it nicely? I've been thinking on it for a while and I'm drawing a blank. Thanks for any advice you can give.
Heather

trix1223

This is a pretty hotly debated topic.  Just to give you some food for thought as you think about this plan, please see the sticky at the top of this board.  Then also check out some of these threads that deal with the charity donation issue.  But good luck to you.


http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_charity-donations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:26fa9ee4-6301-4700-a6fe-8e05270d749fPost:8a35bcd9-4546-4473-b945-d57fb16bb600

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_carity-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:a8add106-428b-4be1-a24e-552775c0a15bPost:304e58d6-add5-44dd-a216-b2f9df05a9f3


http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_favors-mean-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:3898d691-a8c8-4093-ae31-1043af563195Post:a89f7b4d-770b-48fc-8e13-dc32db0b5f25

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_donation-lieu-of-favors-ammount?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:5a4ed765-dd8d-42cb-b488-dc53097a89d8Post:fc518e7b-bd7f-44e2-a601-1ccb531c6b73

unplainjane

i'm sorry to hear about your family losses. and i understand you would want to do something special for them. but this idea is not a favor. if you want to do this i suggest you have a nice framed note on a table somewhere that states the donation and encourage others to as well. if it's an issue with budget you don't have to do favors at all but certainly having a donation letter at all of the place settings is not a favor.

Mrs.B6302007

No need to waste paper by printing up one "look what we did" announcement for everyone.   DO the donation by all means but keep your wedding out of it.  It's not polite to the guests to tell them what they're NOT getting.  Just don't mention it at all because favors are not expected.

Mrs.B6302007

Also, I think there's a sticky on the board about this.  There's a lot more advice in there. 

ETA: Here ya' go.

 http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_thinking-of-making-donation-read-this-first

CassieeK

I'm sorry for your losses, but Trix and Mrs. B have provided some great info on reasons this isn't a good idea. You should really reconsider.

srfgirlie5

I recently attended my cousins wedding where they did the donation instead of favors. They picked two charities one for our grandpa and one for the brides grandpa. Each had passed from disease and so they picked charities that were designated for the disease they had.

It was done very tastefully with a picture frame set on each table with the charity they donated to. Something like "in lieu of favors the bride and groom chose to make a charitable donation in honor (grandpa)'s memory to (charity) and in (grandpa)'s memorty to (charity)." I thought it was very thoughtful and I didn't know of anyone who thought otherwise.

I think people can get a little too picky about things like this. There's some very strong opinions out there on this. I think as long as you don't set up a shrine or something that sticks out like a sore thumb and morbid you should just do what you want to do but just do it tastefully. I wanted to have my grandpa and my fiances grandma there in someway so I thought about doing the charitable donation but I decided on taking wedding photos of our parents and grandparents and displaying them.

mnp13

5) Realize that this is a controversial topic in the real world too, not just on the knot.  So, there's a good chance that at least 1 person who attends your wedding will secretly sideye your choice to do this.  If you can live with that, then go for it.  But do not convince yourself that the ladies on here who oppose are just bitter evil hags and YOUR friends and family are all better than them and would never see it as a bad thing.  That's naive and incorrect.

Now that I've been knee deep in wedding planning for 6 months, I want to add that no matter WHAT you do someone will not approve, someone will complain, someone will tell you it's "wrong."

Personally, I'm ambivilant on this topic. If you want to give a donation to charity for the money would would have spent on favors that's great. My cousin did this, and there was a small sign on each table that let guests know. I didn't think that was "look how awesome we are" I think it's letting guests know what was done, and why there weren't favors for people to take.