Is this a good idea?

mm133123

Hi all,

I was thinking in lieu of favors I would donate a dollar in my guest's honor to my favorite charity.  I would make up a little card and say what the money is going towards.  I really love what the American Humane Society does (I'm a huge animal lover) and I think it would be nice to pay it forward on a day of total gluttony.  If you were my guest would you feel slighted??  Have you ever heard of anyone doing this?

Thanks in advance.

dizzinea

hi, I think there is a sticky about this, and there has definilty been alot of debate on the question, I love the cause you chose, I volenteer at a shelter myself, and I think that making a donation would be wonderful! but not as or in lui of favors, just don't do favors and quietly make the donation, but don't tell anyone about it. because donating to a charity, even a wonderous worthwhile one, is a gift to the charity but not to your guests

trix1223

Make your donation.  I believe in donations.  I make them myself.  I think they're a good thing to do.

But don't pretend that they're a favor to your guests.  Because they're not.  They're a favor to the organization, and to you.  You're taking the money you'd spend on a little something for your guests and giving it to someone else.  How do you figure that's a favor for your guests?

Honestly, I don't need a favor.  I don't really want a favor.  You're already giving me food, drinks, entertainment.  I don't need a matchbook or m&ms (although I LOVE m&ms) as a thank you.

But please don't in any, way, shape or form think that giving $$ to a charity is somehow doing something for me.

I'd liken it to a guest coming to your wedding and giving you a card that says "In honor of your marriage, I have given a donation to the "eastern micronesia tsunami prevention fund".  It may be important to your guest, but it probably doesn't mean anything to you.  So it's not really a gift for you, is it?

msdizzy4u

I would think that if this is a typical thing you and your FI are a part of, most would not seem slighted at all, but we tossed around the idea about doing that.  He lost his grand-dad a few years ago to heart problems and I lost my nanny to alzheimer's last year.  We thought about doing a donation to those medical research places in their memory.  We decided against it.  Just didn't feel right.  We figured if we're going to donate, we'll be doing it anyway.  As far as favors, we're still having a hard time figuring that out.  I've narrowed it down to heart shaped book marks (I'm going to be an English teacher) and small heart frames that will double as place seating #'s.  We are using a double heart theme.

arv266

The idea of telling your guest that you've made a donation in lieu of favors is a hot topic of discussion on this board, and my initial view was that this was tacky.  My opinion is that donations should be done privately, and there is no need to boast of your good deed. 

However, I have come to think that this is only my small opinion... Quite frankly, I would not be offended if I went to a wedding and did not receive a favor, or found out that the bride and groom made a donation instead.  Strike that... If they announced that they donated to the KKK or other rasict group, I would be shocked.  Some have stated that guest could be offended by your choice of charity, so this is something to think about.  I find it hard to believe that someone would get into a bunch because of a animal shelter donation, but you never know.....

This is a good idea if it works for you.  Other couples have done it, and in fact the Knot has an entire section dedicated to favor donations.  Here is what they had for donations to animal shelters.

 

And here is the link to the Knot site on favor donations.

http://weddings.theknot.com/Real-Weddings/63694/detailview.aspx?id=63694&type=3&wedding+details=favors&specific+detail=charitable+favors

kristinanddan

A donation is a great thing, but it's not a favor to your guests.

mysticl

The thing about people being offended by the charity is not always the cause but how the charity is run.

While everyone might be for your cause (save the animals, cure cancer, help abused children, etc.) they may not be for that specific charity.  They might have concerns about how it is run.  Does the money go to buying dog food, medical research, parent education classes, etc.?  Or do the charity administrators have fancy offices, company cars, and huge expense accounts?  Also, is it a legitimate charity, is all of it's paperwork in order? 

Make the donation, don't announce it (that can also look like you are fishing for praise about what good people you are) and don't have favors.  The last wedding I went to didn't have them and I didn't even realize it till I started planning my wedding and was thinking about favors (a year and a half later). 

mm133123

I donate money every month to the Humane Society anyway.  I guess M&Ms it is! And BTW arv266 a donation is not boasting, it's called being altruistic, having a wedding with all the bells and whistles is boasting, so don't confuse the two.  

SSaltzman87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_this-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:e30909cf-aec1-40e0-9516-ee9c0d37274dPost:c39388a9-312a-4c0b-9f17-2c3db9248614">Re: Is this a good idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]A donation is a great thing, but it's not a favor to your guests.
Posted by kristinanddan[/QUOTE]

This and then some.

I definitely agree with PPs that if you're making a donation, that the organization needs to be carefully thought out and not one that say-has a strong political, religious etc. affiliation for example if you're making it known.

If you're going to go the donation route-make sure that that organization is as neutral as possible, your Humane Society idea is a perfectly acceptable one.

mysticl

OP I think arv266 point about boasting was not that a donation is boasting but that making it known to 100+ of your closest friends and family is boasting.  It can send the message of "look at me, look what a good person I am".  I'm not saying that is what your intent was but I've been a social worker for over 10 years and have seen a lot of people who are only altruistic if everyone is going to know about it.   I admitt to being a bit cynical. 

mica178

You don't have to give M&Ms. Or any favor.  You can choose to donate the "favor money" to the charity, what we're advising is that you not publicize the donation.  No one is going to ask "Where are our Jordan almonds wrapped in tuile?"  Just make your donation, don't print up the little AW cards.  I can guarantee that no one will miss the favor or think less of your wedding.

arv266

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_this-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:e30909cf-aec1-40e0-9516-ee9c0d37274dPost:03067e62-c8dd-4f9d-9597-fb0f13d4607d">Re: Is this a good idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]OP I think arv266 point about boasting was not that a donation is boasting but that making it known to 100+ of your closest friends and family is boasting.  It can send the message of "look at me, look what a good person I am".  I'm not saying that is what your intent was but I've been a social worker for over 10 years and have seen a lot of people who are only altruistic if everyone is going to know about it.   I admitt to being a bit cynical. 
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

Thank you mystic.  You hit it out of the park with that one and I could not have expressed it any better.  I tried giving a well rounded answer to the question posted and I still got nailed for using the word boasting.... 

arv266

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_this-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:e30909cf-aec1-40e0-9516-ee9c0d37274dPost:21909537-e9c4-40bb-91ff-52025319259a">Re: Is this a good idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]I donate money every month to the Humane Society anyway.  I guess M&Ms it is! And BTW arv266 a donation is not boasting, it's called being altruistic, having a wedding with all the bells and whistles is boasting, so don't confuse the two.  
Posted by mm133123[/QUOTE]


Ummm... op... Just so that you know...

Having a wedding with all the bells and whistles is NOT boasting.  Its having the wedding of one's choice and a wedding that can be afforded by the couple.  Don't confuse where and how people chose to spend their money with their altruistic nature. 

No matter how nicely you wrap it up, or sugar coat it, any time you do a good deed, and then proceed to tell of your actions, IMO it is boasting. 

Trust me, I know the difference, but thank you for pointing it out for those who don't.

JenniferLuvsCandy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_this-good-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:27Discussion:e30909cf-aec1-40e0-9516-ee9c0d37274dPost:c39388a9-312a-4c0b-9f17-2c3db9248614">Re: Is this a good idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]A donation is a great thing, but it's not a favor to your guests.
Posted by kristinanddan[/QUOTE]

This.

heathernclint

This is a tough subject bc the humane society of the united states is a very tricky charity (delve into what they stand for, they are NOT the local human society...they are more into politics and pushing vegan policies and less into animals) and this might be a touchy subject for your guests.