I know this is a sore subject...Donations

Haceto27

I'm not going to make a donation in lieu of favors because, like many of you, I don't like it. I'm doing other favors. But I do want to make a donation after the wedding. I'm a little torn so I was hoping I could get some input.
I thought about using a small percentage of the money we receve as gifts, adding our own money, and making a donation to the AFSP. I wanted some thoughts on this idea and how to execute it. I thought about mentioning something in my Thank You notes along the lines of "Thanks to your generous gift we were able to make a donation to the AFSP in memory of (my friends name)" (with or without her name). Or displaying a small card at the reception. Or just keeping my mouth shut (something tells me you're all gonna support this option ).

Just some background: I recently lost one of my best friends to suicide. She was supposed to be a bridesmaid which is why I'm donating to the AFSP and why I even considered associating the donation with my wedding.

SD3194

If I gave you money as a wedding present and I found out that you used that money to donate it to a charity that I didn't support, I would be a little irritated. However, if I give you money as a gift it would be rude of me to dictate where you spend it. Make the donation if that's what you want to do but I wouldn't include it in the thank you cards.

Mrs.B6302007

DItto SD.  Even though it's your money and you can do whatever you want with it, it will be given to you with the intention of it being spent on items you need/want. Telling someone you gave it away (even though it's for charity and a good cause) would just come across the wrong way.  Besides, you said you're planning on taking a small percentage of your cash gift to do this.  You wouldn't really be using all of the money given to you for the charity so it's almost pointless to say some of it went to X and some of it went to Z. Just write your TY along the lines of "It was so great to see you at the wedding.  Thank you for taking the time to come celebrate with us.  We especially want to thank you for your very generous wedding gift.  We are saving for a house/kitchen makeover/etc. so your generosity is going to help make that possible."

FayeValentine69

I wouldn't mention it at all. 

Or if you DO insist on mentioning it, don't mention that you're using the wedding money for the donation. Just say "The bride and groom will be making a donation in loving memory of [name], who could not be here to share thsi day with us."   And just put it in one spot like the back of the program.

GoodLuckBear14

Don't mention it at all.  It's your money to with as you wish, however, if you told me that you took the money I gave you and your husband and gave it away to someone else, I'd be more than irritated, I'd be pissed - especially if it were to a charity I don't agree with for whatever reason (cause, allocation of money, etc.).

jelybeancg

Don't mention the donation at all. But do mention your friend maybe in your program.

graysquirrel

I wouldn't say anything at all. Why is is necessary to use your wedding as a sounding box? Even if it is a great cause, people just shouldn't mix weddings and organizations like that, no matter how strongly one feels about them. Just make your donation and don't involve others. 

midgetthemighty

I think it's selfish that people would get angry for you donating money to a charity that has such a deep meaning for you and someone you wanted to be there to spend your wedding day with you. I would make cards of some kind to go with the other favors at the reception letting your guests know you are donating money to the charity in memory of your best friend.
Me and my fiance are planning on donating money to the American Cancer Society as a part of the wedding favors and I don't care what anyone else thinks. It's very important to us and most of my immediate and extended family. We're very involved with it.
Do what makes you happy, it's your day.

FayeValentine69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_this-sore-subjectdonations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:ef18c582-a008-4284-ad36-471611157da7Post:fd1fc3d6-ca69-4993-8959-d4b213cfeaf4">Re: I know this is a sore subject...Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think it's selfish that people would get angry for you donating money to a charity that has such a deep meaning for you and someone you wanted to be there to spend your wedding day with you.</strong> I would make cards of some kind to go with the other favors at the reception letting your guests know you are donating money to the charity in memory of your best friend. Me and my fiance are planning on donating money to the American Cancer Society as a part of the wedding favors and I don't care what anyone else thinks. It's very important to us and most of my immediate and extended family. We're very involved with it. Do what makes you happy, it's your day.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]


I didn't see where anyone said that her guests would get angry (that advice tends to be given when brides are specifically planning to donate 'in the name of' their guests).  It was just pointed out that it can be completely misconceived as the couple trying to bring attention to this good deed they did, which is generally considered to be poor manners.

GoodLuckBear14

Actually, Faye. I would be angry.  I give checks as wedding gifts intending that the B&G use it on themselves, hopefully to help complete their registry or splurge a bit on their honeymoon.  If I wanted the money to go to charity, I would have donated it myself.  Like I said before, it's yours to do with as you please but don't tell me that you gave it away to someone else - this goes into the AW "look at me and how wonderful I am" territory.

midgetthemighty

I took "a little irriatated" to mean angry. I was also taking that from other posts I've seen on the same topic. As it turns out, I was correct.

FayeValentine69

Apparently I had a total brain fail, and confused this post with the one from a few days ago where the bride was asking about donating their own money toward a charity for a family member and doing an announcement about it. 

Yeah, my last post was incorrect.  I stick by my initial thought that telling guests you're using the money they gave you to donate is tacky as hell, and I would be offended.

ashlieandfrank

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_favors_this-sore-subjectdonations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:27Discussion:ef18c582-a008-4284-ad36-471611157da7Post:fd1fc3d6-ca69-4993-8959-d4b213cfeaf4">Re: I know this is a sore subject...Donations</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think it's selfish that people would get angry for you donating money to a charity that has such a deep meaning for you and someone you wanted to be there to spend your wedding day with you</strong>. I would make cards of some kind to go with the other favors at the reception letting your guests know you are donating money to the charity in memory of your best friend. Me and my fiance are planning on donating money to the American Cancer Society as a part of the wedding favors and I don't care what anyone else thinks. It's very important to us and most of my immediate and extended family. We're very involved with it. Do what makes you happy, it's your day.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS! </div>