sister in law is allergic to my favorite flowers!!!

mpetra88

So my brother is getting married two weeks after me and I have benn trying to keep things different. I don't want the same things. Here's the problem....I love lilies! all lilies!!! but my soon to be sister in law is very allergic I don't want something else I've always wanted lilies and I don't want to back down. My whole family is telling me just to have my bouquet with lilies and let everything else be a different flowers. I am stuck on what to do. I really want my wedding to be my wedding and not other people telling me what I can and can't have.

topchef33

I know you want your lillies, but do you really want your FSIL to have a serious allergic reaction at your wedding? I wonder if throwing in a few fake lilies in your bouquet would be noticable?

Can she not be anywhere near lillies? Or can she just not handle them?

NOLAbridealmost

Okay OP, someone needs to rearrange their priorities. Your FSIL telling you she has an allergy isn't her trying to "tell you what you can and can't have." Sheesh. Do you think she wants to have a lilly allergy? 

Either switch to a flower that won't make someone who is about to be in your family feel sick or use fake lilly. 

Also, I am sure that for your own bouquet you'd be fine if you used the real lilly. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'd use silk lillies.

FayeValentine69

Either use fake lillies or pick something else.  As someone with a horrible allergy to tulips, I have had to leave weddings where tulips were used for the centerpieces and aisle decor before.  Is having real lillies REALLY more important to you than having your FI's sister attend your wedding?  If so, you may want to rethink this whole marriage thing and throw yourself a lovely Quincenera with the money instead.

Loopyseven

I love lillies too but variety is the spice of life.  They will look better if they are accented with other blooms instead of just lillies, lillies, lillies.  Could you do the bouquets all lillies like you want (how close is your FSIL going to be to the bouquets - is she a BM?) and maybe do half the centerpieces with lillies (and other stuff) and half the centerpieces different with no lillies - then make sure she's at a table with no lillies?  Plus - lillies are expensive.  Have you gotten floral quotes for this?  Lillies are pretty expensive per stem compared to many other flowers.  

andy71781

Is she a BM?  If she is a BM you are being horribly insensitive.

kimber9999

really?  so she should work around everyones likes, dislikes and allergies?  I would be having the flowers I want.  Just warn the FSIL and she can take whatever meds she has to for the day.

MandK9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_flowers_sister-law-allergic-favorite-flowers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:28Discussion:14cdf4b7-1814-4c37-8e34-0d3a10b925f8Post:fc930637-68fb-474d-849e-9cf24abef30f">Re: sister in law is allergic to my favorite flowers!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]really?  so she should work around everyones likes, dislikes and allergies?  I would be having the flowers I want.  Just warn the FSIL and she can take whatever meds she has to for the day.
Posted by kimber9999[/QUOTE]

Oh jesus.

woggers38

Why don't you use silk lillies? Some of them are jusst as beautiful as real ones, and you can't evven tell the difference!

FayeValentine69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_flowers_sister-law-allergic-favorite-flowers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:28Discussion:14cdf4b7-1814-4c37-8e34-0d3a10b925f8Post:fc930637-68fb-474d-849e-9cf24abef30f">Re: sister in law is allergic to my favorite flowers!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]really?  so she should work around everyones likes, dislikes and allergies?  I would be having the flowers I want.  Just warn the FSIL and she can take whatever meds she has to for the day.
Posted by kimber9999[/QUOTE]

Everyone, no.  But her future SISTER IN LAW, probably so. 

I have never once asked a bride ahead of time to not use tulips if I was attending as a guest.  But there is no medicine I can take to make it magically go away, so I have always left weddings where there were tulips in the centerpieces (and as for pp's suggestion, even half the centerpieces would be too many for me, not sure about severity of SIL's allergy).

However, if my <em>brother</em> was getting married and I was told that having a specific flower plastered all over the place was more important than having me present, I would be devestated, and I can guarantee you that it would leave bad blood for a lot longer than her centerpieces would be around for her to admire.

McKenna2012

Use silk flowers: win-win for everyone.  

Habs2Hart

Silk lilies.  Problem solved.  You get the flower your want, and all family drama is avoided. 

musicalsunlight

Seriously, get over yourself and get fake lillies like PPs said. Your wedding will still be beautiful and your SIL will not suffer. The end.

LoveMuffins

If your SIL's in the WP and has to be near the flowers, I would choose something else, just have lilies in your bouquet, or do the fake flowers. Of course, if you're planning on having lilies for centerpieces too, then you def need to figure something else out.

It also might depend on how allergic she is. Can taking some benedryl relieve her of any and all symptoms? or is she going to collapse after a couple of hours because she can no longer breath? Why not talk to her about it?

I'm a huge fan of lilies, so I can understand but my mom is severly allergic to pollen from just about every flower... I'm making my own bouquet out of fake flowers, and people keep commenting on how beautiful and real they look, so I would suggest that as the best compromise. Plus, then you can keep your bouquet forever in your home as a beautiful decoration.

FutureMrsSheeler

I would use silks. I am allergic to flowers and would be really sad that a friend/sister in law didn't think of my needs. Or use different flowers, its not that big of a deal.

jerseydevil

It depends on how allergic she is. You mentioned that people are telling you to just use lillies in your bouquet only and no where else (especially not ceneterpieces), which makes me think that she's not going to have a SEVERE reaction if they are kept reasonably away from her.

Or, you could just get silk ones.

Be happy that she is only allergic to that type of flower and not severely allergic to ALL flowers.

mpetra88

shes not severely allergic and I will mix them up. I didn't plan on having only lilies. I have just been told by her that I shouldn't have them at all. She is not a BM. Silk flowers are an option. Thank You!

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_flowers_sister-law-allergic-favorite-flowers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:28Discussion:14cdf4b7-1814-4c37-8e34-0d3a10b925f8Post:f8ccc2bf-fc2a-43d8-ba67-3c5e6af385fa">Re: sister in law is allergic to my favorite flowers!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]shes not severely allergic and I will mix them up. I didn't plan on having only lilies. I have just been told by her that I shouldn't have them at all. She is not a BM. Silk flowers are an option. Thank You!
Posted by mpetra88[/QUOTE]

Even though she's not severely allergic, she'd probably still be miserable the whole time if you did use real lillies.

Just a thought too, you could use silk lillies but real flowers of every other type and have them mixed in together.  This way, you acheive the same look, and it's a lot less noticable that you have fake flowers.

mpetra88

Thanks for all the feedback I will use silf and make everyone happy. I might put a few real lilies in my bouqet only. But I appreciate everyones feedback it's nice to hear feedback from neutral people.

msteph82

Have you thought of using an alternative flower?  My FMIL and I both get migraines around strong flowers.  We found alstroemerias and fell in love.  They are, at times, called Puruvian Lillies.  And they have a very light scent.  Maybe ask what your FSIL thinks?  I don't know what your wedding colors are, so here are some options:

midgemoto

Have your lilies, just be sure the florist does a good job pulling all the pollen,  and put something else on your sister in Law's table ... it's your wedding. 

Stay away from CASABLANCA lilies in particular... they are the worst for allergies.  

Sorbonne, white diamond, and brisbayne are less allergic... tell the florist the issue and she can probably help a lot.  

Asiatic lilies are less allergic than oriental lilies too. 

excitedbuffalobride

Honestly, 

certain lilies are super fragrant and if plastered everywhere would make your other guests uncomfortable too

have you considered similar options?  altromeria are nice and are technically peruvian lilies but to me do not have the same impact as large beautiful lilies

do you like amaryllis?  they can be very similar and in fact last longer than liles which is a perk

courtney1188

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_flowers_sister-law-allergic-favorite-flowers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:28Discussion:14cdf4b7-1814-4c37-8e34-0d3a10b925f8Post:fc930637-68fb-474d-849e-9cf24abef30f">Re: sister in law is allergic to my favorite flowers!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]really?  so she should work around everyones likes, dislikes and allergies?  I would be having the flowers I want.  Just warn the FSIL and she can take whatever meds she has to for the day.
Posted by kimber9999[/QUOTE]

Are you serious? This isn't about likes and dislikes, this is about her sister having an allergic reaction being more important than her favorite flower. Because people, especially your future in-laws, are definitely more important than flowers.

OP, please reconsider your point of view. Your FSIL cannot change her allergy, but you can change your flowers. Do the right thing. From your most recent post here it sounds like tht's what you'll do, I hope it stays that way.