FMIL Unhappy with my flower budget

nikkir4

Hi everyone!

Just a little background: Both sets of parents are paying for their guests, and FI & I are responsible for everything else beyond that (with the exception of the videographer & limos).

My FILs are displeased with my decision to decorate the church with only pew bows (no alter flowers) and a small amount of greens on each bow. I will be the first to tell you I really like the idea that 'less is more'. I know my wedding is a year away, but the florist we picked is actually really popular so thats why this conversation came up so soon.

FMIL already graciously offered to pay for our video, so when FI told me they were discussing putting money towards our Church floral budget I told him I would decline. It's not that I can't afford to dress up the Church, it is just not my taste. The reason FI & I are getting married in her Church was because she had requested that she would like to see her last son get married in their local Church. When I found out this I told her if it was important to her than I would have no problem doing so. But I feel like she's trying to throw money in so she gets what she likes, and I really am quite content with my decision.

I feel like I've already made a nice gesture by deciding to get married in the Church, and I am genuinely happy with the decision because it makes them happy. And even though she's offered to give us money, is it ok to decline?

midgemoto

I'd let it slide for a while... You have a right to say no.  But... she goes to the church and probably sits there and overthinks it all to an extent.  

You might want to choose your battles and let her have her way.. you are going to live with her and it may be worth the difference it it makes her happy.  

It's just not good to get your MIL's  knickers in a twist over such a minor issue... so scope put the psychology of it all.  

lbow1984

Hey you're already doing more than me 

Of course I would have to join my FI's religion to get married in their church and that wasn't happening, lol (which he is fine with, but his mom umm...)

Anyway I think you should explain to her that you're more than happy to get married in the church because you know it makes her happy and you want her to be happy, but you would prefer to decorate it the way that you like that way you're both happy.  Tell her it's not that you don't appreciate the gesture, but that you have a vision and you'd really prefer to keep it the way you already planned.

I know compromising is always great, but I think agreeing to marry in the church she requested is a great compromise and you should be able to decorate how you like so long as the church itself is alright with it.  I'm all for compromise, but I feel it needs to come from both sides.

Mae0606

I think you are perfectly within your rights to decline the offer. It is not as if you are doing it to spite them, and it's your wedding, not theirs. Your pews should look as you like.

Lisa50

It is okay to politely decline.  Good luck.