BM issue!

tiffanygoss

One of my BM's is my cousin who I am very close with. She has not ordered her dress and the deadline is tomorrow, they are discontinuing the color. She's never had a money issue but shes been dating this LOSER for the past year (who's not working) and living off her and now he's moved his 3 school age kids in and shes now supporting a family of 5 so needless to say money is tight. I offered to pay for the dress and even tried to give her an out since there will be other expenses assoicated with being a BM. She said no, it's wasnt a burden and she still wants to be in and that she will order it.

Buuut the dress isnt ordered and i reminded her tuesday that they deadline was coming up. 

What do i do??

courtski2004

Contact her today, and ask if she placed her order. If not, let her know that tomorrow is the absolute last day to order the dress (if it truly is) and that she needs to act very quickly on this. If she doesn't order it or ask for help in paying for it, thats it.

It sounds like she has a lot going on, so maybe she is struggling with other financial issues and feels bad for possibly letting you down. If she still wants to be involved in your wedding, she can in the form of doing a reading, etc. Many people don't realize how costly it can be to be in someone's wedding party, and to be in a financial position to not afford it after committing can be embarrassing too. It is a touchy subject, so be as understanding as possible if this is the outcome.

tiffanygoss

Oh i know but I did try to give her an out because it is so $$ and because she does have a lot on her plate, she declined and said it was no prob to be in the wedding and that she wanted to.

I called the salon and it actually has to be ordered by 3pm today. I called and sent a text at 11:30 no response yet.

Jen6862

Maybe you could offer to "lend" her the money so she doesn't feel she's taking money--and she can pay you back when and if she can?

niquemel

Just let it go. If she gets it, she gets it. If not, she might be able to find one off the rack* or used or just not be a bridesmaid. Worrying about things that are beyond your control will drive you insane! Just let it go.
*two of my bridesmaids got theirs off the rack, one a month before the wedding, the other just two weeks before. It took some leg work but it was their decision to not order them on time. Any worrying on my part would have been useless.

tiffanygoss

Luckily she ordered it just in time, literally with about 30 minutes to spare. I wish I could just "not worry" about this stuff but I'm a worrier and a perfectionist, two thigns I'm really trying to work on about myself. 1 out of 5 not matching would drive me crazy.

niquemel

The not-matching thing would have bothered me to the point that I would have told my bridesmaids to sit it out. Yes, it sounds ultra cold, but I told them about their dresses 10 months before the wedding.

What I meant about not worrying: I'm extremely detail-oriented, a perfectionist, and a worrier. Planning my wedding was driving me completely insane until I learned to let some things go. Trust me, you will get in way over your head before you even know it, worrying about the tinest little details, which, if you really thought about them, you'd realize that they just don't matter. See the forest, not the trees. Try not to drive yourself crazy.

Good luck! :)

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_bm-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:5598ad8d-e90c-42a8-975a-3268cf08d3c7Post:2a5f3a69-ca7d-4aa5-bf6f-b85030ccad83">Re: BM issue!</a>:
[QUOTE]Luckily she ordered it just in time, literally with about 30 minutes to spare. I wish I could just "not worry" about this stuff but I'm a worrier and a perfectionist, two thigns I'm really trying to work on about myself. 1 out of 5 not matching would drive me crazy.
Posted by tiffanygoss[/QUOTE]

tiffanygoss

Thank you! I will try to remember that...whooosaaaaa!

LynnJared

That's good that she managed to get it ordered, but that sucks that she waited until the last minute, causing you unnecessary extra stress. I have a feeling that I'm going to have the same or similar problem with a couple of my BMs due to irresponibility and/or money issues. I'm a BM in my friend's wedding next month, and she just ordered all the dresses herself and we just gave her the money when we could. This saved her the stress of having to check in on everyone, but then me and another BM ended up getting the dresses in too big, so now we have to pay for alterations .