What is wrong with my music (kinda long)

tombraider21

I'm going to try not to come off as a bridezilla. Two weeks ago my FI and I asked my uncle to sing our unity candle song at our wedding. I email the Music Director to let her know. At my church (I'm Catholic but now rethinking that), my music had to be approved to be played and it has to be live music, no CDs. Four months ago, we meet with the Music Director at the church and she approved every song except one (Someone to Love by Queen). My FI and I were okay with that. She, the music director, said if we heard it on the radio then its a no go. Okay. She also asked if any of the songs (minus the unity candle song) were going to be sung. We said no, we want all instrumental music.
Fast forward to yesterday. I received this four paragraph email explain the rite of marriage in a Catholic Church and how the ceremony isnt about my FI and I uniting under God but it's about God and Jesus. And how none of the music is church apporeate. All of the music she approved 4 months ago she has now said I need to find other music. So here was my music list.
Prelude: "Panis Angelicus" (O God Of Life) performed by Josh Groban, "Hymne à l'amour" ("Hymn to Love") by Josh Groban, “Hallelujah” by Jeff Beckley Processional:“Ave Maria”, “Canon in D”, “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring”. Candle Lighting Song: “When You Say You Love Me” By Josh Groban. Recessional: “Trumpet Voluntary” – Handel. Postlude: “Autumn” by Vivaldi
She said kepts saying in email the Unity candle song would be great at the reception. Never in her email did she explain what was wrong with the music we chose. I freak out and call my FI at work. He was shocked to hear that Ave Maria, Canon in D and Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring and Trumpet Voluntary were not good enough. Even though those songs were on a list she gave us when we meet four months prior.
None of the songs by Josh Groban have ANY sexual content in them (I've read the lyrics). And the Jeff Beckley song, has a beautiful melody to it and my FI and I aways thought the lyrics were talking about the events in the Bible and no matter how much we screw up God will be there for us.
So, should I take this up with the Priest that is to marry my FI and I?

GJones27

I can't believe Ave Maria won't be allowed!  Could you double check with the priest?  Hope it works out.

tldh

This version of Ave Maria won't be allowed in a Catholic church probably because it is the protestant version.  Ask the music director to play the Catholic version for you; it's really very pretty.  A friend had it played at her wedding.

The church does not allow secular music to be played during the ceremony - and this includes classical music. Period. No negotiating.

bethsmiles

If I were you I would sit down with her and the priest and have him explain to her what a wedding is. Its was rude of her to say that your wedding wasn't about you and your FI. I wouldn't take anymore crap from her. Don't talk to just her anymore request a meeting with her and the priest who will be marrying you.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_first-dance_wrong-music-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:29Discussion:7025fe98-3e6f-4450-8cb8-d666ebcaba5bPost:f01ed5e6-e89c-4fcb-bc3f-41bafdac52e4">Re: What is wrong with my music (kinda long)</a>:
[QUOTE]If I were you I would sit down with her and the <strong>priest and have him explain to her what a wedding is</strong>. Its was rude of her to say that your wedding wasn't about you and your FI. I wouldn't take anymore crap from her. Don't talk to just her anymore request a meeting with her and the priest who will be marrying you.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

In the Catholic church, it isn't just about you and FI.  It is a sacrament.  It is about your relationship with eachother and your relationship with God.  Push the priest to take a side, and you will not be on the winning one.  If you are marrying in the church, you need to follow its rules.

Ask him, if as a compromise (and it will be a long shot), some of the music you originally chose can be played before the ceremony.

If you think I'm wrong and pp is correct, post your question on the Catholic board under Cultural Weddings.

tombraider21

Please read the post closely. The last line in the 4th paragraph I stated that the music director gave me a list of music that we could use and that Ave Maria was on there. I'm not going to "twist" the priest's arms to get what I want. I want to hear from him why the music we chose is not appropriate or if the music director is just being too picky.

tldh

I would guess that the pastor came down on the music director or your diocese archbishop has issued some edict for all parishes to start following the rules - and that may include not playing the popular version of Ave Maria.

Again, if you seriously want an answer, post this on the Catholic Weddings page.  It's part of the Cultural Weddings Board.  The ladies there can probably give you a much more detailed explaination than I can.

And on a side note, without breaks between them, it's almost impossible to distinguish paragraphs and makes reading a post of this length tedious.

ceyring

There are a lot of different versions of Ave Maria.  The two most famous ones are by Schubert and Bach/Gounod.  The Schubert one is, if I remember correctly, part of a song cycle and the words are a prayer that is not exactly the church's version.  The other is a melody by Gounod that basically superimposes the lyrics onto Bach's Two Part Invention in C Major.  Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring, is by Bach.  Bach was a protestant and actually composed many chorales that are still sung today. The Canon in D and Trumpet Voluntary are completely secular.  So, I guess you could see a glitch with all of these if you're going to be REALLY strict.  Maybe this is a trend?

http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2010-06-30-secular29_ST_N.htm

Honestly, it sounds to me like you're ready to find a church is more focused on your personal relationship with God.  No offense to anyone intended.

stacy&tige

The first step is to request an explanation of why she's now decided to not approve any of your songs. You deserve at least that much. If the list didn't specifiy a version of certain songs, such a Ave Maria, then maybe you can talk to her and explain that you thought it meant any version was fine.

Don't storm in there in full bridezilla mode...you'll lose that fight, especially in a Catholic Church. They have lots of rules that they are required to follow, and so are you if you want to use their church.

If the music director isn't helpful or forthcoming with answers, then I would contact the priest. Explain the situation in the hopes that he can find even ground for everyone involved. But be prepared to hear that you need to change some things.