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Using a "Frendor"

My Fiance wants to try and involve close friends who are involved in the bridal industry to provide with assistance on our wedding day such as the baker is a family friend and amazing, so is the florist has been doing stuff for my family since the 1970. The violinest at the ceremony is a member of my church I have known for a long time, and our photographer is one of the best in the state happends to be one of our friends from highschools mother. The issue is he wants to use his friend as the dj. Now he is currenlty a traveling club dj with no wedding experience or lighting experience. He has already asked him to do the wedding before we even got engaged. However I have a friend of mine who is one of the best wedding DJ's in the tri state area does all the lighting (uplighting on the walls, pinspot lighting on the centerpieces, and has a coordinator at no additional charge to help with day of.) I have known him for years and would get an amazing deal. But my fiance will not budge when it comes to this and everyone is against what he currently wants. Is this something that I should just consider a losing battle and move on or should I revisit this now because I am afraid that if he does change his mind my friend will already be booked.

Re: Using a "Frendor"

  • edited December 2011
    I have to say I was a little confused by your thread title.

    I don't really think anyone on these boards can answer your question, but perhaps guide in in the right direction. I think this is something that you and your FI need to sit down and discuss. It sounds like both of the DJ's will be great for your wedding, it is just a matter of deciding which one to go with. Marriage is all about compromise and working things out together, so I think you and your FI need to do just that. I am sure you won't be disappointed regardless of which one you choose.
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  • edited December 2011
    A Frendor is terminology for a friend vendor as is someone who is doing you a favor but is not a professional in the wedding industry. I am just trying to see if anyone else has gone through something similar. I mean his friend is a great DJ for a club scratching records and everything but that isnt either of our style. He has never done a wedding and lacks what I feel is needed experience and equiptment. While I have a friend who is a professional in the business and can give me an amazing discount on the highest package offered. My groom doesnt care he asked his friend to do it before we were even engaged and I am upset about it. I know that we should try an compromise but that doesnt seem to be an option. FI goes through friends fast and it scares me that there is no kind of contract with his DJ choice and its not like he lives in the state we are getting married in he is 700 miles away. I just wanna know if I am being unreasonable and should just conceide to let one of his friends do it or if I should really fight for what I want.
  • naomikbnaomikb member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I have heard the term "frendor" used on Rich Bride Poor Bride and other wedding planning shows.  It is usually used in a negative context - often using friends as vendors can turn out poorly.

    Examples of bad situations:
    - Are you sure they are providing their services for free/reduced rate?  Are you prepared to pay more if they are expecting full payment?
    - Are you willing to have your friends be stressed on or right before the big day as they complete their wedding tasks?  If you get a friend to DJ will they be able to enjoy the night as well, or will they be working the whole time?
    - What if they cancel on you?  Do you have a contract with them or is it a verbal agreement?  What if you are no longer friends or something (death, illness)

    Regardless of the frendor issue is the larger issue here that MissySue addressed... this is definitely something you and your FI need to sit down and discuss.  You need to come up with a solution that will work for both of you.

  • edited December 2011
    I went to a wedding(I won't say the names just in case) where the bride had a family member who is a dj and he did that as their wedding gift. IT was TERRIBLE!! I'm guessing he's not a wedding dj, but I felt so bad for the bride and groom, because it was bad. the dj would play the same songs, then stop 1/2way through the song, even though there was a good amount of people on the dance floor. He played music accidentally and loudly during a speech. That right there made me steer away from any personal vendors, because you don't want to choose them blindly, but do you really want to test them out to be sure they're good enough. If you feel comfortable asking them to show you their wedding style then it may be ok, but go in with caution. Dj's one o the most important things, i'd say, because if your dj is bad, no ones dancing, which is usually a huge part of weddings
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