Bachelorette vs Bridal shower guest list--HELP!

VioletSkies623

Hey everyone,

Sorry if this has been posted before.  I live in San Diego and many of my friends live over 5 hours away by car and farther.  My future mother-in-law is throwing a bridal shower for me next month, and my bridesmaids (who also live very far away) are going to do my bachelorette party one or two nights before the wedding (end of September in Santa Barbara).  

My question is, should I have two seperate guest lists for these parties? Like, invite people to one or the other?  Or can I invite them to both?  The bridal shower is going to consist mainly of family, friends from church, and a couple of local friends.  Then I have friends who, if they are going to the wedding, will likely make it to the bachelorette party, but can't make the trek for the bridal shower.  Is it appropriate to invite them to both parties?  Does this look gift-grabby (which is totally not what I'm going for) or like we're giving them options?

I hope that made sense...  Any advice or input is greatly appreciated!

Summer2011Bride

If they're within a couple days of each other and the friends in question would have to travel twice in two days, I would probably just invite to one of the events. Yes, they may end up wanting to come to both and if you invite them, you give them the option of attending one or the other, but I would personally just invite them to the event you'd rather have them at (sounds like it'd be the b-party).

Simply Fated

I would invite them to both, if you want them at both, and let them decide.

bach parties in my circle aren't gift giving events, so I wouldn't see it as gift grabby, but that's just me.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-vs-bridal-shower-guest-list-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:004d9f05-e5cf-4544-97b3-d44c5641d97fPost:5dcff5e9-9bdc-4c9b-a19f-dc9324340bad">Re: Bachelorette vs Bridal shower guest list--HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]I would invite them to both, if you want them at both, and let them decide<strong>. bach parties in my circle aren't gift giving events, so I wouldn't see it as gift grabby, </strong>but that's just me.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Yeah I think my answer really hinges on this. In my circle, at b-parties, it's common that the guests chip in for the bride's food/drinks/etc that evening, plus I've never been to a b-party that didn't include giving gifts (typically a lingerie shower). So that's why I said pick one to invite them to. If I were invited to two gift-giving events in two days, it would seem gift-grabby to me. But OP, if you are like PP in that b-parties aren't gift-giving in your circle, then I can see inviting them to both and letting them decide.

VioletSkies623

Yeah, I'm still undecided, but if it helps clear things up, the events are going to be over a month and a half apart.  Bridal shower is first weekend in August, Bach-party is last week of September.

emeejeeayen

Maybe just include a little note to those far away and say something like, "know it may be difficult for you to attend, but would love to have you there if you're able to make it; completely understand if you can't!" (but word it better than that!)