bon voyage party before destination wedding.

pinkitties4

my fiance and i would like to do a bon voyage party before we go on our cruise to get married. we are going on the cruise alone (no family, no friends). i thought having a party before hand would be a nice way to get our families involved but ive been looking at other peoples opinion on this and ive seen alot of negative comments saying its a rude idea. i dont see the rudeness in it we cant afford to invite people on the cruise and want them to be involved somehow. i dont want to do a stuffy reception afterwards, thats just not my thing. i would love to hear some opinions or ideas from others. thank!

kmmssg

Sorry, I am in the rude corner here.  It just isn't right to choose to have a wedding where you exclude them all and then want them to join you in a party.  When you choose a private wedding you choose to forgo the parties.

calliopeia2013

Is there a reason you can't do a not stuffy reception afterwards?

HobokensFury

I agree it's rude.  You may not see it this way but it will be perceived as gift grabby.  It will look like you don't want to host a proper wedding but you still want gifts.

pinkitties4

its just not my thing. i think its boring i want to have a party instead. more laid back and just come have fun not so formal as a reception would be.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bon-voyage-party-before-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:031d0b49-171e-42ec-b479-7aa4deb56981Post:edbdefd9-de8d-486f-bcd3-714414505757">Re:bon voyage party before destination wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there a reason you can't do a not stuffy reception afterwards?
Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]

pinkitties4

Its not about gifts at all. i dont need gifts, i just wanted a way to have my family involved without them actually going on the cruise.

let me ask though, if you were invited to a reception of a couple who had a destination wedding after they returned, would you take a gift to the reception?

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bon-voyage-party-before-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:031d0b49-171e-42ec-b479-7aa4deb56981Post:78714548-3fbb-46f6-a52c-2bf4fcfaa54d">Re: bon voyage party before destination wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree it's rude.  You may not see it this way but it will be perceived as gift grabby.  It will look like you don't want to host a proper wedding but you still want gifts.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

kmmssg

I don't think I would take a gift.  If I'm not invited to the wedding I see no need to send a gift.

ginadog

What about the ladies who have destination elopements/very small weddings, then come home to have an AHR to celebrate with extended family and friends?  That seems to be ok in the etiquette world - ask the Destination Board. 

It's a celebration party, not actually related to the wedding events themselves.  It's not a tiered kind of thing either.  I see this bon voyage party as very similar as an AHR but in reverse.

As someone said prior, they would not bring a gift to a couple's recepton after getting back from a destination wedding (as this event is really a celebration party), so by that logic people wouldn't bring a gift to a bon voyage party.

I'm really trying to decipher the etiquette part here.

pinkitties4

i dont agree with you. whos to say you cant throw your self a party. people throw parties for themselves all the time. youve never planned a party for your self, like a birthday party?

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bon-voyage-party-before-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:031d0b49-171e-42ec-b479-7aa4deb56981Post:19d0f1a5-ca22-4e11-90bd-3c126a9b2635">Re: bon voyage party before destination wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]Bon Voyage parties are given for people, not thrown by them.  It's a way of wishing someone well. Think about what "bon voyage" means....it means to have a good trip, have a safe trip, be happy, enjoy yourself. Hosting one for yourself is wishing yourself well, just like hosting your own shower or engagement party.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

ginadog

What about at home receptions though?  No one throws those in honor of the couple; the couple hosts them.

Are the people that are naysaying a party before a couple gets married nixing the whole concept of an at home reception (which I agree by the way is a misnomer - it's not a true reception)?

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bon-voyage-party-before-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:031d0b49-171e-42ec-b479-7aa4deb56981Post:fcf8ddcc-75f7-45ac-8687-9b7d0174c809">Re: bon voyage party before destination wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]i dont agree with you. whos to say you cant throw your self a party. people throw parties for themselves all the time. youve never planned a party for your self, like a birthday party? In Response to Re: bon voyage party before destination wedding. :
Posted by pinkitties4[/QUOTE]

No, actually, I don't throw myself birthday parties. I honestly haven't had a birthday party at all since I was in my teens.

It's rude to host a gift-giving event yourself, which is why we tell people to not host their own bridal showers. It's like, "I'm throwing myself a party so you can all come bring me gifts!" I don't care if you don't WANT gifts; people will see it's a wedding celebration and feel they should bring a gift.  Then you're turning around and saying, "But I don't want you to actually witness my wedding. Sorry!" This is why it's rude.

ETA: I'm not a fan of AHR's either. I know some people on TK don't mind them, but I personally don't like them. I feel like you either choose to have a wedding where you invite everyone you want to celebrate with, or, if you choose a private or intimate wedding, that is your choice, so be OK with it.

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bon-voyage-party-before-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:031d0b49-171e-42ec-b479-7aa4deb56981Post:fcf8ddcc-75f7-45ac-8687-9b7d0174c809">Re: bon voyage party before destination wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]i dont agree with you. whos to say you cant throw your self a party. people throw parties for themselves all the time. youve never planned a party for your self, like a birthday party? In Response to Re: bon voyage party before destination wedding. :
Posted by pinkitties4[/QUOTE]

I don't know anyone that plans their own birthday parties. It's always "Hey come drink at this bar with me". No gifts, no cake.

MairePoppy

I would attend a bon voyage party prior to the private wedding if I was close to the couple and it was convenient for me. I wouldn't drive for hours or take a flight to attend, though.

I would send a wedding gift to the couple if I was close to them, regardless of the type of wedding/reception they had.

libby2483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bon-voyage-party-before-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:031d0b49-171e-42ec-b479-7aa4deb56981Post:198b7539-8f1a-4de2-82b3-e1c47a593161">Re: bon voyage party before destination wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]What about at home receptions though?  No one throws those in honor of the couple; the couple hosts them. Are the people that are naysaying a party before a couple gets married nixing the whole concept of an at home reception (which I agree by the way is a misnomer - it's not a true reception)?
Posted by ginadog[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm with Gina on this one.  While a bon voyage party strikes me as a bit odd (I guess just because I've never been to one), it doesn't really seem any different than an AHR after a destination wedding.  I really think that if you don't call it a wedding reception, don't do a bunch of wedding-y things like spotlight dances (it doesn't sound like this is the vibe you're going for anyway), you are fine.  If one of my close friends or family members did this, I would attend if it were close by and I wouldn't side-eye it.  </div>

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bon-voyage-party-before-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:031d0b49-171e-42ec-b479-7aa4deb56981Post:fcf8ddcc-75f7-45ac-8687-9b7d0174c809">Re: bon voyage party before destination wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]i dont agree with you. whos to say you cant throw your self a party. people throw parties for themselves all the time. youve never planned a party for your self, like a birthday party? In Response to Re: bon voyage party before destination wedding. :
Posted by pinkitties4[/QUOTE]

Absolutely not. I have never thrown myself a birthday party or any other kind of party. Neither has anyone else that I know.