Pre-wedding Parties

Engagement Party + dead beat dad

 I have been with my fiance for six years now and everyone ws overjoyed when we got engaged this June. My mom immediatly started planning our engagment party to be held the sunday before Labor day. I was hesitent to invite my dad (my parents have been divorced for over 20 years btw) because he has always disapointed me all the times when ive needed him or had a special event. But everyone told me to invite him so i did. When he RSVP'd about a month ago saying he would come, I was suprised and very happy. I thought maybe he was turning over a new leaf and i thought it was great for him to step up during a special occasion like this. 
This morning he texted me and said "i have a problem, call me." (i already knew what was coming as soon as id read it) So i called him and he mumbled some crap about working long hours and just being overwhelmed and that he "just can't do it" whatever the hell that means... I just said in my perky voice "ok dad, no problem. take care." After I hung up I proceeded to curl up in a ball and cry for like half an hour. It's really not a huge deal because Im used to him flaking at the last minute. But it hurt because of the special occasion and it also brought back memories of waiting around for him to pick us up for the weekend and him not showing up or calling. My brother and I were always left wondering what we had done wrong and why he didn't want to see us.
My mom thinks I should tell him that it hurts me that he isnt coming and that he really needs to come. but i guess my feeling is that he should care enough to want to come. I dont think i should even have to say anything of the sort. Some of my friends and also my mom think i shouldnt even have him walk me down the aisle but i just dont want to rock the boat i guess. Although Im wondering if he will even show up now. Im just very disapointed with the situation and not really sure where to go from here.

Re: Engagement Party + dead beat dad

  • Have your mom walk you down the aisle, and don't worry about the dead beat.
  • TheVirginiansTheVirginians member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited August 2012

    I would share with him how upset I was when he cancelled.  

  • Thank you guys for the advice... So frustrated with the dead beat!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-dead-beat-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:07ce0a28-1d23-4c88-bb6a-0bf0462e1123Post:f6d87fac-62ea-4d3e-aa66-d7075e2f009e">Re: Engagement Party + dead beat dad</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have your mom walk you down the aisle, and don't worry about the dead beat.
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    Ditto this!

    I'm so sorry you've gone through this with your dad so much over the years. With your wedding coming up, it's time to honor those in your family who have been there for you.
  • definitely tell him how you feel, and yeah I would not want someone like that to have the honor to walk me down the aisle. Definitely agree to have your mom or brother--someone who has been there for you and you can count on.  You don't want to be disapointed on your big day, and unfortunately he has shown you over and over that he is not reliable.  You shouldn't have to stress about whether or not he will be there for you at your wedding.  Cut his loss, and move forwarded with people you know will be there to make your day special. 
    image

    Anniversary
  • I have a very similar situation with my father (never there for me or my siblings, might as well not even have a father) The person walking you down the isle should be be whoever has been there for you at all times, not matter how hectic their life gets. I am having my younger brother walk me down the aisle and not even inviting my father. So, if your mom is that person for you then she should walk you down! As for the engagement party and him not going, I wouldn't say anything to him. You should NOT have to explain how much it means to you for him to be there and that it hurts you that he "can't" go. He should just know! I am not sure of your exact situation with your dad, but if he can't be there for some of the most important days of your life than he doesnt deserve to be part of anything at all.
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