Are multiple wedding showers a thing of the past?

GoldenGirl29

I offered to throw my future SIL a shower for our side of the family (groom’s side).  She was rather dumbfounded at the suggestion.  She feels since both families live in the same town it wouldn’t make sense.  She also thinks one shower (60+ people) will be a union of the two families.  I personally think it will be a typical ‘factory’ style event our society has come accustom to.  Herd them in, feed them, herd them out and most importantly take their gift.

 

Not fan if you can't tell… 

I would rather throw a more intimate shower where our guest actually have time to talk to my FSIL and make sure everyone feels special and valued.  I want them to know we appreciate them taking the time to attend and more importantly spending their hard earn money on a gift. 

My FSIL listed off about a half dozen friends of hers who all had one shower and stated that only time anyone of her friends had multiple showers was due to distance b/t families.

 

So…out of curiosity is this the new norm?

SaraAndrew2010

I had three showers, all in the same metro area.  One shower for mostly my relatives, one for DH's relatives, and a couples shower with mostly DH's parents' friends.  Since multiple people volunteered to host showers, it worked out better to have 3 smaller showers (20-30 people) versus one massive shower.

rknox88

I can see both of your points-you want to make sure it is intimate while FSIL wants the two families to come together.

I am always a fan of breaking large parties like that up for the reasons you stated. I don't think multiple showers are a thing of the past at all.

jilld82

I'm having two showers.  One is a family only shower from both sides and the list is about 75.  The other one is a couples shower for both groups of our friends.  I don't think anyone will feel "less valued" just because it's a big shower.  I think my Fi is coming anyways to the family one because a lot of his relatives I have never met(he hasn't seen them in a while either) and I don't want to rely just on his mom and sister to introduce me all day.

SuMmErKuTiE

I had only one shower, as have most of the other girls I've known who have gotten married. But I see nothing wrong in breaking it down to two smaller groups for a more intimate party. The only problems with that are the added expense of throwing two showers when the hosts could have gone in together on just one shower and of course the bride's schedule. Does she have time to attend two showers as the wedding gets closer? 

sister2groom

I don't think there's anything wrong with one shower or two showers, heck I know some people who've had three (one where they live, and one near each family). But I don't think it's your call. I mean, you may prefer intimate/large weddings but that's not your choice to make. If you want more intimate showers, you can do that for your wedding, if multiple showers are offered to you.

The only time I would dislike a large shower is if it was so large they didn't open gifts, but sometimes people do that with smaller showers too. To me the main event of the shower is watching you open my gift (since I can't count on that for the wedding gift) so not even opening my gift while I'm there would be what made a shower feel like a get-the-gift-and-leave factory.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_multiple-wedding-showers-thing-of-past?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:07cf2b6a-f3ef-4bb2-93e2-6040fc64f837Post:7749a6cd-afaf-411a-8b82-cddae2aff645">Re: Are multiple wedding showers a thing of the past?</a>:
[QUOTE]Multiple showers were NEVER a thing IN the past. Traditionally, one shower was all you got. Anything over that was an etiquette breach, and looked greedy. Two showers became more acceptable because couples today rarely live and die in the same town.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Retread:  actually in our circle, multiple showers were the norm.  I had several showers:  one for church friends, one for relatives, one for friends from another organization that I belonged to.  All of my friends did the same thing.

My husband's SIL had just one shower that had a guest list of more than 60 people and everyone talked about how AW-ish it was and how much they disliked it.

I would much prefer to be at showers that were smaller and intimate over a large bash anyday.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_multiple-wedding-showers-thing-of-past?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:07cf2b6a-f3ef-4bb2-93e2-6040fc64f837Post:cb90cc27-76e5-49a1-9d5e-be030d587b69">Re: Are multiple wedding showers a thing of the past?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've got no problem with more than one shower, so long as the guests aren't invited to more than one. The etiquette rule was, however, one shower per bride. Another thing that's going by the wayside.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

There was any overlap in guest lists for my showers, so that wasn't an issue.  I meant to say that in my earlier post.  =)

RoyalSpoiledOne

I think I would prefer smaller, more intimate showers than a huge one. A friend of mine had several showers b/c she had so many separate groups of friends (work, church, HUGE family, just friends). Each shower had a different "theme" as far as gifts went, and it worked out great.

GoldenGirl29

Availability is not an issue, there are two weekends open with in two months of the wedding and of course more dates are available if we go father out.

 

Money is not an issue either.  Ironically her bridal party (which I am part of, but stand alone in representing the groom) has a very tight budget.  So if I would take my side of the family I would be taking about half the shower guest list, but only a fifth of the budget.  Obviously if I would throw my own shower that would help the rest of the bridal party with the tight budget and open up their options.

 

To the poster who said one shower is how it used to be, my mother was married in the 60’s and she had four (work, friends and two family—one for each side) .  All of my girlfriends who got married in early 2000’s all had multiple showers as well.  I just thought the one shower thing was becoming more the norm due to our rush, rush, hurry, hurry mentality our society has become accustom to.

 

Thanks for your thoughts.

My FSIL is the bride and what she wants is what she’ll get:)