Pre-wedding Parties

Need to Vent!

Concerned about BM wanting my FMIL to host a dual bridal/baby shower for me and my pregnant sister/MOH.

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Re: Need to Vent!

  • edited December 2011
    I agree that asking FI family to buy for a baby shower is not appropriate. While I understand your frustration I think you need to consider the motivations of your BM. I don't think she was trying to let your sister steal attention from you, it sounds like she was trying to be considerate of the needs of your whole family. Especially if you are not used to being the center of attention she may have felt you'd be more comfortable sharing the spotlight. I'm sure if you expain your concerns to her she will understand. Also your sister may not want to share her baby shower either. You also might want to focus on how your sister's happiness at being pregnant could add to the joy of your wedding rather than detract from it, your above comments about her failing to plan her pregnancy around your wedding sound a bit harsh and that may be a lot to expect of her. I am hopeful that you didn't mean for that whole pregancy calculator thing to come out the way it sounded. Congratualations on getting married, after such a long wait it is easy to get upset when things don't go as planned (it will be 10 years for me and FI when we get married) but just remember that you already have a solid relationship worth celebrating and that is what really matters.
  • edited December 2011
    Wow...if they've been trying unsuccessfully for over a year, I find it pretty selfish of you to expect her to plan her pregnancy around your wedding. 3-4 weeks before her due date, she most definitely should not be traveling 6 hours away from her hospital...often times, many insurance carriers will not even cover her if something happens in the last four weeks if she is more than an hour from her hospital.
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    Kate ~ Mommy to Matthew 3/29/07 & Kylie 12/30/08 & Chase 3/31/11
  • edited December 2011
    1. Yes your sister most likely is not going to be able to be at your wedding due to not being able to fly. 2. When chat with BM suggest that although she is trying to be nice you would rather keep the events seperate and have sisters shower at your hometown so that your family can attend easier and so that it is not alkward for Fi's family 3. Also mention that mixing showers is kinda rubbing it in to sis that she can not attend wedding which is kinda not sweet 4. I am not craving beef on weck, sponge candy, and duffs wings and this is all your fault
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It's out of line for you to expect people to conduct their family planning around your wedding. It's out of line for someone to turn your bridal shower into a joint baby shower. Especially since many guests won't know the mommy-to-be. Chances are she doesn't like the idea either. I think you're totally within your rights to be a little peeved and to decline the shower. Just say "I'm so happy for the offer. However, I don't think it's fair to the guests to feel obligated to buy two gifts for two people for two different life events. So in fairness to them, I'm going to have to decline your generous offer." Never use the word "unacceptable" in wedding planning. It's a little over the top.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You can't worry about what-ifs with the wedding. You'll go nuts.
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  • edited December 2011
    If that was the real case then you would be posting about how to move your wedding and rescheduale it a few months so your new neice or nephew could attend not asking about showers. Now you do not have to do so but your real issue is not about your poor sister being all alone if she gives birth it is about wanting the special attention and being sad she will not be at your wedding
  • edited December 2011
    I'D BE MAD AS HELL! HECK, I'M MAD JUST READING IT! You are NOT being selfish at all. Just be careful about letting your bridesmaid know that a dual party will not be acceptable. You should explain to her that you want to give both big events (your wedding and your sister's baby) the proper attention they deserve, which can only happen by having separate showers. =)
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  • LAHwed2010LAHwed2010 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You deserve YOUR special events leading up to YOUR special day!! I totally hear you with all this. My sister is my MOH and it's been all about her so far. She lives in LA, I just moved to Orange County and most of my Bridesmaids live in San Diego, so where did she want to have the shower...in LA of course where only she and my parents live. She also told me that the Bridesmaid dresses should be chosen by her b/c I OWE her that since as the MOH she is going to be putting a ton of time and money towards my wedding events. Dealing with family during this time can be the most difficult b/c you definitely don't want family tension during such a special time. I don't know how I'm going to handle my situation either (so much more I didn't tell you), but I think you did the right thing by telling your mom b/c maybe she will handle it for you.
  • edited December 2011
    The dual shower in Buffalo is a terrible idea. Your showers should be separate and personalized to your individual situations. You are absolutely right about that! Why would your FI's family be invited to your sister's baby shower? Why would her friends and in-laws want to buy you both gifts? And don't be surprised if your sister's doctor doesn't want her traveling that far so late in the pregnancy. The dual shower is unfair to both of you. Just thank your bridesmaid for thinking of your sister, but assure her that YOU will be hosting a baby shower.You should not be angry over the timing of your sisters pregnancy. She was not obligated to plan her pregnancy around your wedding plans or to inform you of her very private business. You should be happy for her. And she should be happy for you.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm sorry about the situation with your sister getting pregnant and didnt calculate right. About the shower, dont have it together, you can have two seperate showers! One in Buffalo (for you) and one in NC (for her). You both have very special things going on in your lives and they should be seperate! I hope everything works out during your wedding and I hope your sister will be able to attend and your whole family is there.
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