Ok, when my FI and I got engaged, that very night, my FMIL told my FI they would not be able to afford to give us a rehearsal dinner. We were completely fine with that. We know that they aren't rolling in money and we aren't the type of people that will let someone go into debt just because we want something better than what they can give us. We've been engaged for over a year and everything has been going well, except for a few things. First off the rehearsal, with the FIL's saying they can't afford to throw us a nice dinner we have considered several other options, pizza and wings, a BBQ and other low scale things. My grandmother has offered to throw the rehearsal for us. She is a HUGE part of my life and she feels left out because we won't let her pay for anything. She says she's 89 and her money is better spent while she's here so she can see us enjoy it. Anyway, I was fine with that and so was my FI, until we told his parents. His mother became very defensive saying that it is their job. She tried several guilt trips until we said forget it. So, how do I deal with this? Does she have a right to be angry that someone else has the money that they don't? Now to add to it, she is taking a trip out west for her 2nd cousins bday party, and I kind of have a hard time feeling guilty that they can't afford the rehearsal but they can afford that? I understand that everyone's life can't revolve around the wedding, and that is the LEAST of what I'm asking. I just don't want to be made the bad guy if someone else throws us the rehearsal dinner.Next the shower, there have been situations in the past with my FI's family where people get angry if not everyone is invited. My FMIL is the oldest of 11 who all live in the same town that we live in. I have met some of them only once or twice and a couple of them, never at all. Is it acceptable to not invite them to a shower that my MOH is throwing?