Bridal Shower Guest List Drama

roses4ever215

Hello Ladies,

I am wondering how much say you are all having in the guest lists at your shower. The host asked me for a list and I gave her the 40 or so family and close friends that I would like. I know that some won’t be able to come so I would expect a 30 person shower, small enough to talk to everyone which is what I want. Now my FMIL wants to add people that I’m not supper close with which is making my mom want to add more people to. If everyone is invited it will be around 65 people.

 Also, what do you all think about inviting people (Aunts and cousins) who live far away? I would think invite them so they feel included but don’t want to appear gift grabby since they won’t be able to come.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts!

Belle0000

It depends on what your host(s) is/are comfortable hosting/able to host, so you should start by discussing with the host.  65 is a lot of people to host, and it would probably need to take place somewhere other than someone's house. 

Even if it is doable for your host(s), keep in mind everyone invited to the shower MUST be invited to the wedding--so are these people that your mom and FMIL inviting to the shower also invited to the wedding?  If not, then no shower invite,  as that would be very poor taste. 

What's the split of the extra 25 people (mom's people vs. FMIL people)?  Really, if your FMIL is deadset on inviting a large number of additional people, then she should be hosting a separate shower.  Of course, that is NOT something you should ask for, or even hint at.  But if your hosts aren't able to accommodate the extra 25 people, then just simply say, "I'm sorry, but so-and-so is only able to accommodate X people for the shower that she's planning". 

And personally, if my mom was inviting more people solely because my FMIL was as well, I'd probably say something to her.  It's not a popularity contest.  But that's just me. 

ETA: As for inviting OOT people who definitely won't come, it really depends on the people and your relationship with them.  I'm probably not, but they're the kind of people who would be hurt because they didn't get a shower invite.  Some people may be hurt if they didn't receive one, whereas others could view it as gift-grabby.  IMO it's your call. 

MairePoppy

That's a huge expense for the host of your shower. I think you should tell the moms that it's not in the budget.

Around here, large showers, including meals are common. Usually the moms pick up the cost of the food,  because they know it's not fair to expect the hosts to accommodate so many guests.

roses4ever215

The host said that there is enough space for the big group and the mom's are helping with the food so that's not really the issue. It is more that I'm feeling like a big shower is more than I want. The problem is that I know FMIL will be very upset if the additional people are not invited and there will be hurt feelings. My mom wants to add more people because she feels like if she doesn't the shower will be mostly FI family/friends and want's to even it out with my side. I guess what I am wondering is how much say do I get in the guest list? If the host is OK with the large group and the mom's are paying, is it really my place to say anything even though I want something smaller?
I should say that there was talk of having 2 showers (one for my side, one for FI's) but due to my schedule we could only do one. This is why the mom's are helping the host with the planning and cost.

MairePoppy

It's okay to voice your preference. Then let them plan the party however they wish, as long as the guests they are inviting are also getting wedding invitations.