Pre-wedding Parties
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Bridal Shower Drama

Okay I need help ladies, I need advice, I don't know what to do.  Okay so I am getting married in September, and back in January my mom started planning a shower as did my future aunt in law/sister in law.  My mom's was to be our side of the family and my fiances aunt and sister in law were going to throw one for their side of the family (each side of the family lives about an hour and a half from each other).  Well somehow signals got crossed and my mom didn't know my fiances aunt was throwing one SO she is upset because she was really looking forward to hosting one big shower for both my fiance and I with both sides of the family there.  I did not realize just how important this was to her, she literally called my dad crying (which I didn't know about until now) about how disappointed she was.  She knowns now that if we have the shower my fiances aunt wants to have, not many people from his side of the family are going to come if any.  I have joined my mom's side and really want just one big family shower.  However my fiance and my fiances mom are insisting that if I turn down a shower from his Aunt I will be creating this huge divide in the family, no one will show to my moms, and even some people wont come to the wedding (I think he is being a bit dramatic there) but my heart is breaking because I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I agree with my mom and really only want one wedding, and he seems to think my mom is being manipulative and that I am wrong.  Can you tell we just had a major blow up, to include him storming out.  I am incredibly upset and I am just looking for some help/advice.  Do you think I am right to agree with my mom, if it is something I want?  The invites HAVE NOT gone out for the shower his aunt wants to throw, we have just barely begun discussing dates (and part of the issue is my mom can't get alot of time off from work and would not be able to attend the other shower).  Sorry this is long winded, again very upset right now.  HELP!

Re: Bridal Shower Drama

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    edited December 2011
    Sorry I have a typo in there, at one point I say I only want one wedding and I meant one wedding shower.
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    edited December 2011
    If you only wanted one shower, then you should have declined the fi's aunt and sil's offer to throw another one for you. It would have been okay to say your mom had it covered and would be inviting them to the shower she is hosting.

    Since you have already accepted the aunt's offer, I think you should let her continue with her plans. She is looking forward to hosting, just as much as your mom is and it's more convenient for fi's family to attend that shower. And it seems like it is really important to your fi.

    The MOB, MOG, immediate family members on both sides should be invited to all showers. The wedding party should also receive courtesy invitations. Each should have the option of deciding which, if any they will attend.

    Throughout your marriage, there are going to be times when your families plans and ideas conflict and you are going to have to learn to work these differences out between the two of you, without influence from the family members. This is a good place to start.

    Good luck.


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    banana468banana468 member
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto Marie.

    I think you two need to compromise on this one.  Going to tears over this seems a bit dramatic.

    Take this as a blessing so you can have some more individual time with the guests at each event.  To turn this into a huge argument seems a bit foolish.
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    edited December 2011

    Thanks guys, its all great advice to a ranting that occurred after one of our first "fights" regarding the wedding.   Turns out my fiance was being a tad too dramatic, talk about a groomzilla, as of this morning we have compromised, my future aunt in law and sister in law were actually fine with not throwing a shower (which I was very surpised about).  My fiance felt the need to defend his sister/aunt (perfectly understandable) but he didn't know their response would be so easy going.  I appreciate you guys taking the time out to respond to a bride gone crazy!!

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    edited December 2011
    Glad everything worked out well. Enjoy your shower.
                       
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    CD2011CD2011 member
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    edited December 2011
    Maybe you can get both sides to talk and your mom and his aunt can work together to have the ONE shower that YOU want. It will be easier to have the extra hands helping.
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