bridal shower

Trow0022

OK, so here's what I know already:
1) guest list consists of people already invited to your wedding
2) my FMIL + her family are planning mine and are excited to host it.
3) My dad is one of eleven kids and his entire side is invited to my wedding. 
4) It is not the bride's (nor her family's) job to hold the shower, because then it looks like you're asking for gifts.

My questions:
1) Who do I HAVE to invite?  I don't want to hand a guest list of 20+ people to my FMIL, that is a gathering much larger than she is willing (and I would ever expect her) to host.  HOWEVER, my dad's side contains a few women who expressed interest in my bridal shower and maybe having one for me.  But none of them have stepped up to the plate (which is totally fine).  But, I know that if I only extend invites to certain members of the women on my dad's side, namely, the ones who I already know would like to come, then the ones who are not invited will get very upset and angry.
2) Do you invite only the women on your guest list?

Any advice on how to handle this would be much appreciated.

AdeleDazeem

Rule #4 isn't exactly true in all social circles.  A mother or a close female family member holding the shower isn't okay in some circles because it looks a bit gift grabby.  In my own circle, every shower I've been to has been hosted by the mother, including my own and my sister's.  It really depends.  However, if you are uncomfortable with that or it's frowned upon within your family/group, that is perfectly okay.

As for who is invited...  How many guests is your future morther in law willing to host?  I'd go from closest family members outward in that case.  Mothers, grandmothers and sisters first, then aunts and cousins.  You are free to invite friends and obviously your bridesmaids.  Stay within the number that your mother in law can handle.  If you have more people, then you'll have to cut appropriately.  If people have a problem with that, then they can throw you a shower.  Also remember that your mother in law will want to invite people from her family and her friends, as well.  She's the host - she's allowed. 

Most bridal showers are women only.  If you want a couple's shower, that is going to drastically reduce the number of close people you can invite since SOs will now be included.